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to masturbate next to sleeping DP (TMI Alert!)

(64 Posts)
Pregnantandhorny Sun 07-Apr-13 18:06:27

Name changed to protect the innocent smile

I have always had what I consider to be a healthy sex drive, but since getting pregnant I've gone into overdrive. I frequently find myself waking up at night in need of some attention, if you see what I mean. I have been sorting myself out, just sort of did it without really thinking, while DP is asleep next to me.

A couple of nights ago he stirred and woke while I was in the middle of things. I pretended I had just stirred as well and I don't think he realised what I was up to. But that got me worrying how he would have reacted if he had. I hadn't really thought about what I was doing but since then I've found myself feeling guilty and worried if it's right.

I'm all hormonal at the moment, and don't feel able to make a rational judgement about many things, so thought I'd throw it open to see what people think.

BegoniaBampot Wed 10-Apr-13 08:45:07

agree with Wallybanters and Wheresmycaffeine.

and I wouldn't say wanks are necessarily rubbish compared to sex, just different. if I'm feeling a wee bit horny or restless why would I want to wake my partner for something that just takes a few minutes. maybe that's just what I want (especially at night when I'm tired), not some much longer mutual sex session.

nokidshere Tue 09-Apr-13 21:01:23

But should you ask if you want to do something sexual in bed while your partner is sleeping and unaware? Yes you should. Because if they don't like it they can say so, and you can go elsewhere to have your wank instead of making them feel uncomfortable.

They are asleep? Why would anyone (male or female) feel uncomfortable about something they dont know about? Or for that matter about their partner masturbating?

HormoneHell Tue 09-Apr-13 20:25:42


I am currently pregnant and like you my sex drive has gone through the roof. The difference between my desire for sexual stimulation now and my normal state is incredible. In the first few months of this pregnancy I was asking DH for sex up to 4 times a day AND needing to see to myself inbetween (it actually scared me a bit). I am now near delivery and I still want sex before sleep and as soon as I wake (and at quite a few others times too).

Before this pregnancy I have never seen to myself while in bed next to DH but I did start and like you I did feel a little uncomfortable about it. I talked to DH and explained that I was not waking him because I just wanted a very quick release. He was fine about that given I was already exhausting him. Sometimes I have accidently woken him and it does seem to really turn him on so he inevitably joins in. Sometimes if I do accidently wake him I have a momentary moment of annoyance when I think it would be quicker and easier if he had stayed asleep but I think to refused by your clearly aroused wife would be pretty hard on any DH so I go with it. To be honest I usually end up pretty pleased he did wake-up.

I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. There are many miserable aspects of pregnancy but I will sorely miss this one perk.

AmberSocks Tue 09-Apr-13 12:50:28

plus i would rather be woke up for sex and i think dh would too.wanks are rubbish compared to real sex.

AmberSocks Tue 09-Apr-13 12:49:29

I dont think i would like it if dh did it.He never really masturbates unless we have been interrupted halfway through,and thats only been a few times.If i was with someone who did it regularly anyway i guess it wouldnt bother me.

NeverKnowinglyUnderstood Tue 09-Apr-13 12:43:29

I do this and if DH wakes up it usually excites him and ends up in us doing it together. not necessarily piv. He loves the idea of me being a sexual creature so it isnt a problem.

TeWiSavesTheDay Tue 09-Apr-13 12:39:15

I don't think you need permission to have a wank.

But should you ask if you want to do something sexual in bed while your partner is sleeping and unaware? Yes you should. Because if they don't like it they can say so, and you can go elsewhere to have your wank instead of making them feel uncomfortable.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip Tue 09-Apr-13 12:36:27

Actually quite shocked at the amount of people who feel their husbands would be horrified or want to be woken up. It's something men and women have done for many years before they met their husbands. Probably since they were teens. U don't need permission to do it. Imagine of it was reversed and a woman posted that her husband woke her up three times a night to have sex. Surely then we would all say - tell him to sort it out himself.

WallyBantersJunkBox Tue 09-Apr-13 11:03:41

I think an even number of women have actually said they don't mind.

And as for the chance of missing out on sex - I have different reasons and methods for orgasm at different times - emotional, physical, loneliness. I sympathise with you op, as you want to have a quick one to get rid of the physical sexual feeling, and get on with some deep sleep.

To have a quick one yourself, if you are adept, can take about 3 minutes. If I was to involve my husband it would take 30 minutes, he'd feel like he had to do certain things, get warmed up and make a mess.

There's nothing emotionally unbalanced with the Op, she has plenty of sex with her DH. To me it's like scratching an itch.

I don't understand why people would be disgusted with either partner doing this if your sex life was healthy and you weren't disturbing someone. They are you genitals, they are not the property of your partner.

Pregnantandhorny Mon 08-Apr-13 09:15:47

Rusty We never have a sex session where I don't orgasm, often more than once. But in order for that to be the case I always have to do a lot of the work. This isn't DP's fault - he does his best but he's not a natural and he's also hampered by a mild disability and being rather under endowed.

RandallPinkFloyd Mon 08-Apr-13 09:11:10

I have to be honest, I really wouldn't like it. I'd find it disrespectful and just grim.

As others have said though it doesn't matter one ounce what any of us think. All that matters is what he thinks.

You need to just say to him exactly what you've said on here and discuss it properly. I may be reading too much into it but the fact that you doubt yourself speaks volumes to me.

What will you do if he says he isn't comfortable with it?

PaleHousewifeOfCumbriaCounty Mon 08-Apr-13 09:05:59

I think its mad how if this were reversed, if someones partner were asking permission to wank in bed while they slept, the LTB brigade would be up in arms.

rustybusty Mon 08-Apr-13 09:00:03

He should be making you orgasm during your sessions together. 69, him doing oral for you, incorporate toys, play with yourself whilst having sex, him play with you during etc. There are plenty of ways to make sure you get yours every time. Ladies should always come first.

rustybusty Mon 08-Apr-13 08:47:58

I think thats your problem the fact that your not orgasming every time from the sex. That would drive me crazy, and have me climbing the walls.

Pregnantandhorny Mon 08-Apr-13 08:25:15

Rusty I wouldn't say I normally have a low sex drive. We have sex most days, is just now even if we've had sex twice a day I'm still needing another one or more during the night.

Balance of opinion seems to be that I should talk to him. I guess I will then, as I don't want him to feel hurt if he finds out I haven't.

I hope he doesn't ask me to wake him. Don't get me wrong, sex with him is emotionally and physically pleasurable, it just rarely gets me all the way without me helping myself, so if he does want me to wake him I'll effectively just end up masturbating with his assistance. Worth it though if it means he isn't hurt.

BadLad Mon 08-Apr-13 04:50:13

It wouldn't bother me at all if DW did this.

Morloth Mon 08-Apr-13 01:55:06

Nothing wrong at all.

DH would definitely prefer to assist me, but with the kids and jobs etc we are both masters of the satisfying quicky.

DH wouldn't wank in bed, if he gave me a go and I wasn't up for it he would go to the bathroom because anyone messing with my beautiful sheets is likely to not have anything to wank with.

I think you need to talk to your husband, you shouldn't feel guilty for masturbating.

Mumcentreplus Mon 08-Apr-13 01:30:49

Check with him...

HungryClocksGoBackFourSeconds Mon 08-Apr-13 01:16:26

I seem to be in the minority here, but I'd feel really uncomfortable and violated if I knew that anyone wanked whilst I was sleeping next to them, regardless of their relationship to me.

He may be fine with it but I think he deserves to have a say in the matter, either talk to him and check it's ok or do it somewhere else.

rustybusty Mon 08-Apr-13 00:55:11

Nothing wrong with this at all. Sounds like normally you have quite a low sex drive so your not used to it Ive done it plenty of times so as not too annoy dh by waking him, and we still have sex usually 4 nights a week. I couldnt care less if he did either.

SchroSawMargeryDaw Sun 07-Apr-13 22:38:13

You really should talk to him about it, if he woke up and wasn't happy about it it might cause problems, I guess.

I don't do it but I wouldn't mind at all if DP did.

McNewPants2013 Sun 07-Apr-13 22:36:16

DH would be gutted, he would to prefer being woke up for sex.

I see nothing wrong with it

Wookiee101 Sun 07-Apr-13 22:31:19

YANBU - DH and I masturbate together and at separate times or in separate places. It isn't a big deal for me or him. Talk to your DH about it - maybe he'd like to be woken up, maybe he doesn't like the idea of you masturbating next to him and maybe he doesn't worry as long as you're happy.

kotinka Sun 07-Apr-13 22:25:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WallyBantersJunkBox Sun 07-Apr-13 21:26:21

I don't mind if my DH wanks while I am asleep as long as he doesn't poke me with it or tug the sheets off and wake me up.

He's perfectly capable of pulling the blankets off his pelvis and having a quiet one into a tissue.

It's the furious monkey tug that makes the bed shudder some men do which annoys me. But he could always go to the bathroom and crack out an animated one.

I would never have double standard and I don't see why some Owen have the issue if it isn't directly affecting them.

But I Would tell him about your urges ad ask if he wanted to be woken up to join in. If not I'd just see to myself. It's a great way of getting a deep sleep anyhow.

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