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to masturbate next to sleeping DP (TMI Alert!)

(64 Posts)
Pregnantandhorny Sun 07-Apr-13 18:06:27

Name changed to protect the innocent smile

I have always had what I consider to be a healthy sex drive, but since getting pregnant I've gone into overdrive. I frequently find myself waking up at night in need of some attention, if you see what I mean. I have been sorting myself out, just sort of did it without really thinking, while DP is asleep next to me.

A couple of nights ago he stirred and woke while I was in the middle of things. I pretended I had just stirred as well and I don't think he realised what I was up to. But that got me worrying how he would have reacted if he had. I hadn't really thought about what I was doing but since then I've found myself feeling guilty and worried if it's right.

I'm all hormonal at the moment, and don't feel able to make a rational judgement about many things, so thought I'd throw it open to see what people think.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip Sun 07-Apr-13 20:16:04

Go for it. Not every one is in synch all the time and as long as its not replacing the sex in a relationship I don't see the problem on either side.

kotinka Sun 07-Apr-13 20:23:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thurlow Sun 07-Apr-13 20:25:57

I know, I think I remember threads turning out that way. Which I don't remotely mean to tell the OP she is being U - in fact, I am plain jealous that her pregnancy hormones have her interested in sex! grin

But I do find it fascinating that frequently, questions about men masturbating are often answered that the man is BU.

maras2 Sun 07-Apr-13 20:27:32

DDD ? holy crap I meant DTD.

googlyeyes Sun 07-Apr-13 20:35:15

I don't see why you can't do what you like with your own body!

I wouldn't mind if DH did this (I don't own him!) unless he woke me up in the process or made a mess!

Pregnantandhorny Sun 07-Apr-13 20:38:51

Thurlow, I hear what you're saying. I must admit my current state has made me more sympathetic to what men mean when they say things like, "I just had to get release." If male hormones are permanently anything like mine are now I don't entirely envy them.

Thurlow Sun 07-Apr-13 20:46:12

I think it's incredibly interesting, but probably just an example of the fact that MN is mostly female. Personally, neither DP and I have an issue with it - as caffeinedrip says, if your sex drives aren't in synch then it is probably very healthy for a relationship that you can get your own release. Neither of us do it in bed while the other is asleep, but then again if I was pg and didn't want to move, I'd probably do what you are!

BegoniaBampot Sun 07-Apr-13 20:48:14

It's a lot easier though for a woman to crack one off next to a sleeping man without disturbing them.

CrazyOldCatLady Sun 07-Apr-13 20:53:56

DH says he wouldn't mind at all if I did it, though he'd far prefer to be woken up. He likes his sleep a lot - really, a lot. But he told me he absolutely doesn't mind being woken for sex ever, at any time, no matter how exhausted he may be. He'll be asleep again in 10 minutes anyway so it hardly matters.

Pregnancy is complicated enough already. Don't overthink it!

TeWiSavesTheDay Sun 07-Apr-13 21:00:03

I think you should ask him what he thinks. If he would be uncomfortable it doesn't matter what MN thinks, he has the right to be comfy in his own bed.

Could you go somewhere else?

If it was my DH I would rather he went elsewhere.

WeAreEternal Sun 07-Apr-13 21:17:07

DP and I regularly wake each other up in the middle of the night for sex, but we have to take advantage of each other when we can.
DP works away a lot, so when he is home we DTD whenever we feel the urge.

WeAreEternal Sun 07-Apr-13 21:19:22

(Posted too soon)

I wouldn't be bothered if dp masturbates while I was asleep, although I'd prefer he woke me.
I think the same could be said if the roles were reversed.

Pregnantandhorny Sun 07-Apr-13 21:21:41

It's not that I think he'd be uncomfortable. We both admit to masturbating occasionally. But I guess I think he might be hurt that I've been doing it so frequently right next to him, without telling him.

The trouble with talking to him is I expect he may then want to be woken up, and that will just lead to things taking a lot longer to get to the same result in the end, and quite possibly still mean I have to give myself release - and so mean less sleep for both of us for no real gain.

P.S. I should say, we do have an active sex life together - it's not in any way that I'm depriving him.

TeWiSavesTheDay Sun 07-Apr-13 21:26:18

I think it is mad to talk to us and not him about it. He is your partner, he is the one affected.

It's a really personal thing and I don't think this is a question you can morally put to MN and then justify not saying anything to the person affected because lots of people agreed.

I think there is a double standard here too, would you honestly be comfortable if your positions were reserved.

WallyBantersJunkBox Sun 07-Apr-13 21:26:21

I don't mind if my DH wanks while I am asleep as long as he doesn't poke me with it or tug the sheets off and wake me up.

He's perfectly capable of pulling the blankets off his pelvis and having a quiet one into a tissue.

It's the furious monkey tug that makes the bed shudder some men do which annoys me. But he could always go to the bathroom and crack out an animated one.

I would never have double standard and I don't see why some Owen have the issue if it isn't directly affecting them.

But I Would tell him about your urges ad ask if he wanted to be woken up to join in. If not I'd just see to myself. It's a great way of getting a deep sleep anyhow.

kotinka Sun 07-Apr-13 22:25:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wookiee101 Sun 07-Apr-13 22:31:19

YANBU - DH and I masturbate together and at separate times or in separate places. It isn't a big deal for me or him. Talk to your DH about it - maybe he'd like to be woken up, maybe he doesn't like the idea of you masturbating next to him and maybe he doesn't worry as long as you're happy.

McNewPants2013 Sun 07-Apr-13 22:36:16

DH would be gutted, he would to prefer being woke up for sex.

I see nothing wrong with it

SchroSawMargeryDaw Sun 07-Apr-13 22:38:13

You really should talk to him about it, if he woke up and wasn't happy about it it might cause problems, I guess.

I don't do it but I wouldn't mind at all if DP did.

rustybusty Mon 08-Apr-13 00:55:11

Nothing wrong with this at all. Sounds like normally you have quite a low sex drive so your not used to it Ive done it plenty of times so as not too annoy dh by waking him, and we still have sex usually 4 nights a week. I couldnt care less if he did either.

HungryClocksGoBackFourSeconds Mon 08-Apr-13 01:16:26

I seem to be in the minority here, but I'd feel really uncomfortable and violated if I knew that anyone wanked whilst I was sleeping next to them, regardless of their relationship to me.

He may be fine with it but I think he deserves to have a say in the matter, either talk to him and check it's ok or do it somewhere else.

Mumcentreplus Mon 08-Apr-13 01:30:49

Check with him...

Morloth Mon 08-Apr-13 01:55:06

Nothing wrong at all.

DH would definitely prefer to assist me, but with the kids and jobs etc we are both masters of the satisfying quicky.

DH wouldn't wank in bed, if he gave me a go and I wasn't up for it he would go to the bathroom because anyone messing with my beautiful sheets is likely to not have anything to wank with.

I think you need to talk to your husband, you shouldn't feel guilty for masturbating.

BadLad Mon 08-Apr-13 04:50:13

It wouldn't bother me at all if DW did this.

Pregnantandhorny Mon 08-Apr-13 08:25:15

Rusty I wouldn't say I normally have a low sex drive. We have sex most days, is just now even if we've had sex twice a day I'm still needing another one or more during the night.

Balance of opinion seems to be that I should talk to him. I guess I will then, as I don't want him to feel hurt if he finds out I haven't.

I hope he doesn't ask me to wake him. Don't get me wrong, sex with him is emotionally and physically pleasurable, it just rarely gets me all the way without me helping myself, so if he does want me to wake him I'll effectively just end up masturbating with his assistance. Worth it though if it means he isn't hurt.

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