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to think that if you've shown yourself to be a liar and a thief...

(17 Posts)
Passiveaggressivecakeeater Sun 07-Apr-13 12:13:48

...that you have no right to act angry or hurt when someone shows suspicion towards you?

stressyBessy22 Sun 07-Apr-13 12:15:52

Hmmm.depends a little on who you are talking about?
Child ? Partner?

WorraLiberty Sun 07-Apr-13 12:17:46

Is this a straw poll?

Passiveaggressivecakeeater Sun 07-Apr-13 12:17:54

Partner. Lying about money and what it is spent on then acting hurt and angry when I question him about money that's gone missing.

Passiveaggressivecakeeater Sun 07-Apr-13 12:19:07

What's a straw poll worra?

HotelTangoFoxtrotUniform Sun 07-Apr-13 12:26:10

YANBU. Though plenty of people will tell you you're being U (particularly my mother if she's on here). Trust, once broken, takes forever to rebuild. Your partner needs to realise that trusting someone when they've repeatedly broken that trust is lunacy.

My sister steals and lies constantly. I am forever chastised for not believing her. When I inevitably turn out to be right I am told that we all need to trust her. Do we bollocks.

Passiveaggressivecakeeater Sun 07-Apr-13 12:30:40

Thank you hotel. I believe trust is earnt, it is not a human right. I will usually give it by default, but if you break that trust repeatedly, you will never be entitled to it again.

Gruffalump Sun 07-Apr-13 12:31:44

So why are you still with him?

HotelTangoFoxtrotUniform Sun 07-Apr-13 12:34:54

You should give it by default - just like we should respect people as a default position. It can easily be lost though and takes a long time to rebuild.

That said it can be rebuilt. DH used to lie about little things, much like a small child does to avoid getting into trouble. We've worked through that I won't be cross with the truth and he's much better now (I also used to spot it so easily he gave up). It was very much linked to his low self-esteem and now this has been improved it doesn't happen.

Chockyeggpants Sun 07-Apr-13 12:37:34

OP decision time. Live with it or get rid.
He won't change.

SneakyNinja Sun 07-Apr-13 12:41:14

Yabu to be with somebody you don't trust.

WhereYouLeftIt Sun 07-Apr-13 12:45:27

Lying and stealing are bad enough. But acting angry or hurt because you're not trusted (because you're known to lie and steal) - much worse. Because that's you trying to make the person in the right (the one who doesn't lie and steal) feel that they are in the wrong. Scummy, scummy, scummy.

Inertia Sun 07-Apr-13 13:16:49

If you've shown yourself to your partner to be a liar and cheat , you can expect to be unceremoniously dumped . Suspicious partner means that the lying cheat has got off lightly.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Sun 07-Apr-13 15:04:23

Yes, once someone has shown that they cannot be trusted, it is down to them to prove that they can be trusted in future.

To blindly trust someone who proves themselves untrustworthy makes someone a fool.

Someone who has proven themselves a liar and a thief can't get upset when that's how others view them.

It's all their own fault.

YouTheCat Sun 07-Apr-13 15:06:50

So where has this money gone then?

CloudsAndTrees Sun 07-Apr-13 15:32:54

YANBU

SquinkiesRule Sun 07-Apr-13 16:26:00

YANBU

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