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To be shocked at my DD looking at porn

(88 Posts)
sanfran22 Sat 06-Apr-13 20:57:55

looking on safari history, I can see there's pornhub stuff on there, I shouldn't be surprised I suppose as she is 17 it just that it makes my stomach turn a little...

BOF Sat 06-Apr-13 20:59:02

Don't you have controls on the internet?

sanfran22 Sat 06-Apr-13 21:00:09

I don't know how to change the router settings, even if I did she can take her laptop and phone and access this most anywhere...

lottieandmia Sat 06-Apr-13 21:00:27

Well, the problem with porn is that it's so easily available these days that more people look at it than if you had to pay imo. And as she's nearly an adult then you can't really stop her.

I do feel though that some porn damages a young person's sexuality so I can understand your concerns.

sanfran22 Sat 06-Apr-13 21:01:14

I'm just concerned she'll think this is the 'norm' when it's not

sanfran22 Sat 06-Apr-13 21:01:51

lottie...How do you mean damages their sexuality?

BarredfromhavingStella Sat 06-Apr-13 21:03:03

It's your job as her parent to ensure she knows it's not the norm though there really is nothing wrong with looking at porn.

Hassled Sat 06-Apr-13 21:03:23

So talk to her. Tell her/show her some information about the porn industry. Talk to her about the objectification of women. Educate her a bit. I did with my DD.

And then - if she's still fine with it, you'll have to accept that - she's more or less an adult. Just don't be coy about the subject.

sannaville Sat 06-Apr-13 21:03:43

Afaik pornhub is fairly safe. I only as my friends son was watching vids on there so she took a look at the site she said its lots of free video clips and nothing tremendously bad, mostly heterosexual but some hi stuff. She will be curious at 17 so I'd prob just ride it out as better she's looking at free websites than running up your phonebill with expensive porn phonelines
;)

sanfran22 Sat 06-Apr-13 21:04:45

How do you have the convo about what is norm?

sannaville Sat 06-Apr-13 21:04:53

Bi not hi!!

sanfran22 Sat 06-Apr-13 21:06:06

sanna, sorry to be a bot thick but what is 'hi' stuff?

IfNotNowThenWhen Sat 06-Apr-13 21:06:07

tbh if such a thing as online porn had existed when I was 17 I probably would have looked at it.
Who pays for her phone btw? If it's you, then actually, she doesn't need a smart phone and she could have a basic calls/texts only model.
You can put safe search settings on her laptop, although she will probably know how to change these.
If I were you, I would try and make sure she has a good understanding that there is a difference between porn and sex. Not sure how you do this though!

Buddhagirl Sat 06-Apr-13 21:06:12

Not unreasonable to be shocked, I think her being curious is normal though, so is porn. Unsettling though.

HotCrossPun Sat 06-Apr-13 21:06:16

It might be pretty tame stuff she is watching. They have a 'female friendly' section on most of those websites.

Are you going to talk to her about it?

BinksToEnlightenment Sat 06-Apr-13 21:07:01

Don't tell her you know! How embarrassing for her.

Lots of girls look at porn. I did from a lot younger than that and with no access to the internet.

sannaville Sat 06-Apr-13 21:07:45

I would say you came across the sites on laptop history and just so she knows 99.9percent of woman don't have a full Hollywood wax on their Fanjo, a boobjob, botox in their face, group sex, a boyfriend with a 15 inch Willy , and they don't have very very very very very loud orgasms! Tell her its all for show ;)

sanfran22 Sat 06-Apr-13 21:07:56

I feel a bit sick tbh, I don't know how to raise it, I can see it's girl on girl stuff she's looked at...

lottieandmia Sat 06-Apr-13 21:07:58

I agree with hassled. I don't like the way women are sometimes depicted in the films.

I know of some people (men) for whom porn has become so much a part of their lives from a young age that they feel they have to use it all the time otherwise they can't get aroused.

SirBoobAlot Sat 06-Apr-13 21:09:14

Reasonably normal, and pornhub is pretty tame.

You could have a conversation with her about it being good to find out what you like etc, but that porn isn't a healthy expression of sexuality.

lottieandmia Sat 06-Apr-13 21:09:31

oh if it's girl on girl stuff, seriously don't worry - a lot of women have these type of fantasies.

I would be more concerned about young women getting the message that it's ok to be ganged banged by a load of men with enormous penises.

HollyBerryBush Sat 06-Apr-13 21:09:55

17, I'm afraid I deal with girls of 12 and 13 who view it, sadly a lot of children do. parents may regulate laptops etc but they forget about mobile phones.

I can see it's girl on girl stuff she's looked at - with that in mind, don't you think it's her place to work out her sexuality and raise it with you at a time she feels comfortable with?

sanfran22 Sat 06-Apr-13 21:10:24

Thanks Lottie feel a bit better now...

HotCrossPun Sat 06-Apr-13 21:10:29

If she is looking at girl-on-girl stuff she is probably just curious.

Is it the idea of her watching porn specifically that is unsettling you or her masturbating?

Flojobunny Sat 06-Apr-13 21:11:04

I don't understand why everyone thinks you need to change the settings or talk to her.
She's 17, what she gets up to is her business surely? I know that she's supposed to be 18 to watch it but how many people here got to 18 before watching an 18 rated film.
I'm sure by 17 she has had a full sex education and doesn't require a 'talk'.

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