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To think that SAHP's being called morally pernicious is jugely judgemental?

(76 Posts)
flaminhoopsaloolah Sat 06-Apr-13 10:57:50

Not trying to start a bun-fight (though it is AIBU) but is it ok for working parents to point the finger at SAHP's choices and question their morals?

jellybeans Sat 06-Apr-13 11:28:36

I personally don't care what people say. I am a SAHP. I may though wonder if they are happy with their own choices..

AgentZigzag Sat 06-Apr-13 11:28:47

You don't have to name them or anything! grin

It's more to do with what the person is to you (family/friend/work colleague) and what kind of situation it came up in.

Also what are they like normally, if they're a total twat most of the time and you couldn't give a monkeys what they think then ignore it, if it's your mum and you don't want to fall out with her then you could perhaps talk to her a bit more about why she thinks this about you.

It sounds more like an essay or research than the words used in normal everyday conversation in RL tbh.

HollyBerryBush Sat 06-Apr-13 11:29:46

>pssst< is this a benefits by stealth thread?

BabyMakesTheBellyGoRound Sat 06-Apr-13 11:31:35

Well I've never heard it said and I don't really have enough energy to be judgy about other peoples choice whether to work or SAHP.

MrsLouisTheroux Sat 06-Apr-13 11:32:29

is it ok for working parents to point the finger at SAHP's choices and question their morals? No and it's not ok for SAHP to accuse WP of neglecting their responsibilities towards their DC and question their morals.
Both ideas are idiotic.

seeker Sat 06-Apr-13 11:32:36

I honestly don't think it's possible to comment on the OP unless we have more information. I can't imagine anyone in their right mind, or anyone who's opinion is worth giving 2 second's headspace to saying that being a SAHM is "morally pernicious".

So- a non debate. There are debated to be had, but not this one. Whoever said it is not worth considering for a second.

currentbuns Sat 06-Apr-13 11:32:56

I tend to find that SAHPs are more likely to muscle in on "moral" high ground.

AgentZigzag Sat 06-Apr-13 11:33:19

I can just imagine them being next on the governments shit list Holly, I wouldn't put it past them to try and link SAHPs to benefits which they just happened to have linked to mass child murderers.

The ultimate offensive parenting stereotype.

lljkk Sat 06-Apr-13 11:33:42

Was it on the back of very currently fashionable Benefits-Bashing, OP, was it in that context? Or something more abstract & principled?

Xenia takes roughly same view, Flamin, it isn't at all foreign to MN. Cherie Booth Blair said something similar although perhaps only for well-educated women like herself. hmm.

The argument goes that personal is the political so being a SAHM is setting the wrong example to your children especially and to society in general (wrong example about women & mothers, not about any other sort of person).

The point of each person's existence is to make a political statement. Who knew? And here I thought I had free will. Or is the modern political like old religion, you only have free will to damn yourself.


flaminhoopsaloolah Sat 06-Apr-13 11:35:37

Holly - benefits by stealth thread? Do you mean illegally claiming benefits? No, it's a thread about whether or not it's ok to call SAHP's lazy and morally pernicious.

Perhaps I should have started this somewhere else, I get the feeling people are used to posts actually not being what they are about here. I'm a bit confused.

flaminhoopsaloolah Sat 06-Apr-13 11:39:48

I was just very taken aback that someone would make such a a sweeping statement. How can someone possibly know something like that just from he fact of knowing someone is a SAHP? How can someone possibly know that a family having both parents working are neglecting their children? Why do people feel the need to judge such choices?

stepawayfromthescreen Sat 06-Apr-13 11:39:56

I always assume that wohm's who question my choices are unhappy with their own. Otherwise why would they give a fuck?
It's interesting that on Mumsnet, it's an elite bunch of same old posters who bang the anti sahm drum. The time they have to dedicate towards questioning sahm's and what they do/how they feel, is unnerving and underlines their discontent.

AgentZigzag Sat 06-Apr-13 11:42:18

It's because usually people starting threads are more concerned about who said what and why, rather than just the substance of what was said flamin.

Nothing's said in a vacuum, and posters like to know the nitty gritty of the situation it's come up in because we're nosey buggers we know that's where the crux of the problem usually lies.

Nothing to do with it being AIBU.

HollyBerryBush Sat 06-Apr-13 11:49:10

Benefits by stealth bashing - one parent working on min wage, other at home, thus receiving benefits therefore the SAHP should be out working too.

flaminhoopsaloolah Sat 06-Apr-13 11:51:17

Cherie Blair said something similar? Never really took much notice of her anyway...

I don't often go much further than the relationships and childbirth boards most of the time so haven't really come across discussions such as SAHP/Working Parent and the pros and cons of both aspects. In my own personal life I've never really come across discussions like that either - I have friends who stay at home and I have friends who work and it's never really a topic of conversation....except along the lines from a couple of working friends who feel they're still expected to do almost everything when they come home as well as work while their partners use working as an excuse to not do anything when they come home...but that's a different topic.

I did see something on the MN front page about SAHP and something to do with the government possibly diminishing their role or something and then coming across that comment today made me think that there is an us and them type issue then...

flaminhoopsaloolah Sat 06-Apr-13 11:58:41

Oh Holly, I see...had no idea that was a popular topic of conversation either...

Zigag - the SAHP comment wasn't really the actually nitty gritty of the conversation, which is to do with who is and isn't deserving of benefits, it was just thrown in there.

FarBetterNow Sat 06-Apr-13 11:59:58

Cherie Blair has no moral compass anyway.
IMO she is a nutter - she went back to work within days of giving birth by CS in 1988.

Maybe she needed the money!

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Sat 06-Apr-13 12:00:58

I bet you were hoping it was a benefits thread holly wink

sleepyhead Sat 06-Apr-13 12:05:40

My friend's "friend" told me, as we sat drinking coffee at a playgroup, that working mothers shouldn't have children as they weren't willing to bring them up (I was on mat leave at the time) and were stunting their emotional development and thus ruining society.

I just thought she was a wanker and didn't give it any more headspace <shrug>

flaminhoopsaloolah Sat 06-Apr-13 12:32:09

Wow, sleepyhead.

Pagwatch Sat 06-Apr-13 12:52:10

Op, I think the person you were talking to is simply an arse.

When an arse says ome thing in RL I tend to say 'oh dear god, what an arse you are' or say 'isn't it a lovely morning. Anyways I have things to do'

I wouldn't assume that the arse was presenting a commonly held view and fret about it.

RubyrooUK Sat 06-Apr-13 12:55:16

I think people should generally avoid calling each other morally pernicious. It seems an entirely OTT comment about a perfectly normal and often very sensible way for a family to set up their existence/finances/childcare situation.

I happen to be a full time working parent as my own personal circumstances dictate this. I would also think it's OTT to call that morally pernicious as it happens to be the situation most appropriate for my family.

I can't see how either situation could be morally pernicious really.

RubyrooUK Sat 06-Apr-13 12:56:23

Pagwatch put across the most reasonable point of view in a lot less words than me. grin

Viviennemary Sat 06-Apr-13 12:58:15

I don't even know what it means. But it doesn't exactly sound complementary. grin

blueberryupsidedown Sat 06-Apr-13 12:59:22

I don't even know what pernicious means. As a sahm I've been called lots of things, including disorganised, lazy and old fashion, oh and a 'housewife' but never pernicious...

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