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about dirty bum/sick/food issues with toddler?

(24 Posts)
changedmynametoomanytimes Fri 05-Apr-13 16:47:51

I need a little perspective here as I’d like to know if I’m overreacting or not? And apologies in advance for it being so long.

GP’s look after DC (18 months) once a week and they absolutely adore it. It means I can go to work, so I am very grateful, DC loves it – but a couple of things have happened recently and I need to know if I’m being PFB or if I should just let it go?

DC has a very healthy diet and only drinks water. Over the past few visits sips of coke and tea have been mentioned, and DC’s love of sugary cereals/biscuits and chocolate – which I never give on a daily basis but don’t see any harm in a little cake etc every now and again. But now I’m being told DC isn’t eating the healthy lunch options I’ve politely said are DC’s favourites (at home is a cracking little eater) but the sugary snacks are wolfed down.

I know this isn’t a big issue, but bear with me as I’ve had a tough day and maybe blurring the issue/non-issue a bit.

I’m asked every time I pick DC up if chocolate can be had/biscuits/ice-cream can be given and feel like the bad guy when I say no it’s dinner time soon/DC didn’t eat lunch etc. When I can see it’s already been given as there are smears on face/clothes – so I don’t want more given in one day. I’m just getting sick of saying no.

This has resulted in me picking up DC smelling of sick on a few occasions (very rarely sick at home). I always send a spare set of clothes and they have spare clothes there too. The jumper I picked DC up in absolutely stank/had bits on it – and could have been removed without me even knowing. DC’s hair also smelt of it - which makes me sad.

To top it off – I pick up DC and notice that nappy is absolutely soaking wet (more than an overnight one) and to make it worse there are smears of pooh all over DC’s bottom – and I sent a full pack of wipes too. Once DC also came home with a nappy on back to front? And seeing that this is GP’s fourth GC – I just don’t understand why?

DC also has a bump on head from falling into a table – which I also just brushed off as I know kids will get bruises, scratches etc from just toddling around. I know they felt awful about this – and I do see this as just one of those things – but adding to the nappy issue it’s just made me angry.

I know a lot of responses will be that I have to accept it as it’s free childcare – but I was pretty much begged for at least one day a week, and I do want DC to have a good relationship with GP’s.

I also understand that treats aren’t a bad thing every now and again, and it’s often the GP’s that do this as it makes them feel special and ‘fun’ to the GC.

So is this just normal stuff? Am I being PFB? Or should there be a bit more common sense/cleanliness being put in place?

Or have I just had a bad day and none of this will matter tomorrow, and I should just calm down with a wine grin

MrsTerryPratchett Fri 05-Apr-13 16:53:56

This stuff is so hard. I predict some "your child your rules" and some "free childcare, pay if you want better". The issue is in the middle. FWIW I appreciate my parents respect my routines and my rules. I think you will need to work out what your non-negotiables are (shitty bum and sick hair would be mine) and if they can't do it or don't want to, get different childcare.

Blu Fri 05-Apr-13 16:55:49

Are the GPs your parents or your ILs?

I would be upfront and direct about the chocolate and snacks - tell them that such items are not a frequent addition to the regular diet and can they just stick to food and meals. tell them that it is no wonder the healthy dinners aren't getting eaten because they are teaching DC that there is sugary stuff on offere.

wrt to the nappy changing and other hygeine issues, can you react at the time? What happens if you say 'oh no, s/he smells of sick, what happened?'. And if s/he clearly has a wet heavy nappy when you arrive change it righth there and then, in front of they realise.

Gigondas Fri 05-Apr-13 16:58:00

Am with Mrspratchett- the diet and not being quite as careful with ds as you would I could probably be irritated by but live with. The sick and bad nappies I would not be happy about and say something as that is a sign of not being looked after rather than difference in style.

Are they your parents or dh? Also could you get alternate care if you choose?

storminabuttercup Fri 05-Apr-13 16:58:39

I think you need to find different arrangements.

Sick/poo/wet nappy is the bit that would swing it for me. Have you spoke to them about it? Are they struggling to cope maybe?

LIZS Fri 05-Apr-13 16:59:34

Can you afford childcare instead ? Decide what really matters to you. He isn't being ill treated nor in any danger. Tell them rich foods don't agree with him so avoid and could they remember to change his nappy at lunchtime if not required otherwise. If they can't/won't then look elsewhere.

squalorvictoria Fri 05-Apr-13 17:00:13

I guess you have two separate issues here. One being that they are presumably letting him stuff his face with treats to the extent that he vomits, and two that they aren't managing basic hygiene tasks like wiping his bottom thoroughly, changing nappies regularly and cleaning him up when they make him he is sick.

Both inexcusable really, but I think you're going to have a hard time getting through to them.

Gigondas Fri 05-Apr-13 17:00:14

You say dc so is this twins? Didnt pick this up before. Speaking for my mum who cares for both my dsis twins and my singletons , I think she found two overwhelming and took short cuts in terms of what fed them and did drop the ball. Maybe GPS find it harder than they remember but don't/won't admit it?

changedmynametoomanytimes Fri 05-Apr-13 17:01:18

Thank you both for your nice (for AIBU!) replies - and I take both your comments on board smile

I will do the nappy change on arrival/sick comment - and maybe pack leftover meals as I don't want them to go to waste blush

I do feel awful writing this down as they all love each other so much - I just get a little annoyed with what I consider common sense sometimes.


TheCountessOlenska Fri 05-Apr-13 17:02:18

I don't understand the sick thing? Do you mean he is eating so much sweet stuff that he's puking? That's gross!

Other from that, which does sound odd, I don't think you can say anything about the nappies and the head bump. Do they all have a lovely time together? I mean, do you think nappies are neglected because they're playing games etc or do you think they are neglecting HIM?

OneLittleToddleTerror Fri 05-Apr-13 17:02:47

I wouldn't accept it with a nursery so I wouldn't accept it with a GP. You aren't over reacting. Your child should not have been left in clothes smell of sick. The nappy should be change 2-3 times during the day. It's really not acceptable.

OneLittleToddleTerror Fri 05-Apr-13 17:03:39

I am assuming he's sick from all the sweets btw. But he should have been changed.

changedmynametoomanytimes Fri 05-Apr-13 17:04:47

Was writing as others posted! Not twins (phew!) just the one.

I will keep an eye on it and hope that my now not-so-discreet comments sink in.

It's so hard as I can't afford childcare and don't want to take their time together away sad

But thanks for letting me know I'm not being a complete b*tch thinking the thoughts I am.

stressyBessy22 Fri 05-Apr-13 17:07:26

you will have to be firm about the quantity of sugary food if it is making him sick.I am sure the GPs wouldn't want that.
at 18m bumped heada are pretty much de rigeur and the one off back to front nappy and unclean bum I would overlook too.

Machli Fri 05-Apr-13 17:07:53

I would make alternative childcare arrangements as GP or not this sounds like low level neglect to me.

I do think its a generational thing though. My in laws always used to rave about how "clean" I kept ds as a baby which made me confused. I didn't think it was a praiseworthy thing, I thought I was supposed to.

Blu Fri 05-Apr-13 17:12:05

I am easliy old enoigh to be a GP, and my Mum looked after my DBs kids - it isn't a generational thing at all!

Machli Fri 05-Apr-13 17:26:19

Well imo amongst the people I know I think it can be.

I think it wasn't as easy to keep children clean back then, no disposables, no wet wipes so not so much importance was attached to it.

No offence intended.

marriedinwhiteagain Fri 05-Apr-13 17:31:49

I wouldn't have too much of an issue about a bit of choc, junk food, etc.. I would have a massive issue about the lack of cleanliness.

The bump on the head is pretty usual too I think remembering 18 month olds.

Does your DS come home happy? That would be important for me. And, are the GPs OK healthwise and possibly not coping as well as they might.

I would be concerned about the overfeeding of sweets. My mum has dementia, and when she was living at home would offer my dc lots of sweets, cake, ice cream, constantly. She had forgotten she had already given some. As for the food? Mum cooked sweet porridge every day, or pancakes, as she remembered how to do it! She also forgot they had eaten it the day before.... Hygiene is another one, mum forgot about basic hygiene.
I would feel sick from eating at their house, most of the food would be off its sell by date, or kept in the fridge, or on the stove, to be reheated later, maybe even a week later.

So, my question to you is: How much do you see them and spend time with them aside from dropping off and picking up? I think you need to go and spend a day/afternoon and just observe!

Sirzy Fri 05-Apr-13 18:27:04

I would do everything I could go cover childcare costs because although they love him they seemingly aren't caring for him well enough to have him for a whole day

LadyintheRadiator Fri 05-Apr-13 18:30:37

If I picked my DC up from either my parents or my in-laws, to find they smelled of sick or had poo all over their bottom I would be very blunt about it and ask them why on earth they were not looking after them properly. The food etc is secondary to this IMO. I don't mind how many biscuits my mum feeds my DD really, but I would if it meant she actually vomited.

Then I'd make other arrangements.

LIZS Fri 05-Apr-13 18:38:30

Could you provide a selection of healthy "treats" and drinks. In the past pils seemed to assume that all kids drink Fruitshoots, fizzy stuff and eat chocolate etc - I wonder who the advertising is really aimed at!

fallon8 Fri 05-Apr-13 22:07:15

As a granny..they are clearly finding it too much,both they and the child are getting older and they can't cope.
Your "regime" is far too harsh,no harm will be done not to follow it for one day per week...
If you are unhappy with free child for it, then you can critique if needs be.

steppemum Fri 05-Apr-13 22:34:07

I don't think YABU

While I don't think a few snacks will hurt one day per week, they are feeding him so much he is sick, that is to me a much bigger concern than a wet nappy

You could to negotiate a few ground rules,
eg 'this works for us' no snack at all for 1.5 hours before lunch. Then healthy lunch. If no healthy lunch eaten, no snack. If healthy lunch eaten then allowed snack at snack time later

Also, tell them what you expectation is re nappy changes eg at home I change it before every meal, and here are plenty of nappies, he needs 2/3 per day.

They may be finding it too hard. despite loving them and wanting ds, they may be finding the reality of wrestling nappies on an active toddler more than they expected. eg My mum is fab, but struggles to lift, so couldn't lift heavy toddler onto changing table, but she could get down to the floor, so could put the changing mat on the floor, if that was suggested

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