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To ask for some money syphoning tips?

(29 Posts)
CreativeAccountant Fri 05-Apr-13 14:09:52

I am currently managing a large budget and fancy a nice holiday somewhere like the Bahamas or the Maldives. You hear about people syphoning off funds for their own enjoyment all the time, so I'd like to give it a go.

Does anyone have any handy tips on how this can be done, preferably without being caught until after my Swiss bank account has a reasonable amount in it and I've had my holiday.

TIA

HollyBerryBush Fri 05-Apr-13 14:11:47

Book yourself a training course there grin

CloudsAndTrees Fri 05-Apr-13 14:12:43

The Maldives are much nicer than the Bahamas.

WafflyVersatile Fri 05-Apr-13 14:19:32

Yeah, the maldives will be gone soon. Take your chance while you can.

Someone in Mauritius does our payroll, can you contract them then go on a fact finding mission like MPs do when thinking about bringing in new schemes?

CreativeAccountant Fri 05-Apr-13 14:39:25

Mmm, I quite like the fact finding mission, but clog manufacturing companies are few and far between. I'm not sure if clogs are much used by Maldavians. Shame we don't make flip flops. The opportunities would be endless then sad

Really, I just need help with budget sheets. Can 1st class flights be classed as Admin Peripherals?

littlebitofthislittlebitofthat Fri 05-Apr-13 14:40:33

Only if you spill coffee on the receipts...

TheFallenNinja Fri 05-Apr-13 14:48:13

Buy fantasy construction equipment and then claim the VAT back, what could possibly go wrong :-)

FuckThisShit Fri 05-Apr-13 14:52:06

Would you be needing an assistant? I'm a whizz with numbers

Forge some receipts but make sure they don't add up to round numbers e.g. £24.83 not £25.

No 1st class flights are not Admin Peripherals but I think they could be caught by a whole range of logistics type entries e.g. Freight Forwarding Charges?

TwllBach Fri 05-Apr-13 14:54:23

Do you have a back door to your office? How about you procure the clogs that don't make the cut and sell them for cash out of your back door?

OneHundredSecondsofSolitude Fri 05-Apr-13 15:00:14

Could you become a 'consultant' and pay yourself ££££?

Lueji Fri 05-Apr-13 15:00:37

Or go on a fact finding mission on how to make flip flops?
It should take you around the world. Easily.

CreativeAccountant Fri 05-Apr-13 15:31:12

Sadly the budget is to build an extension to our Clog factory, so a flip-flop mission couldn't be counted anywhere.

I'd love to hire myself as a consultant, but I suspect they won't do it while paying my salary. Oh there must be a way somehow to cream off some of the budget somehow.

Buy fantasy construction equipment and then claim the VAT back now your talking. Much more the kind of thing I'm lookinfg for.

MrsMacFarlane Fri 05-Apr-13 15:34:48

You could ask the wages clerk at a firm I used to work for. She's currently serving 2 years in the tin pail for embezzling £98,000 from her employers.

CreativeAccountant Fri 05-Apr-13 15:52:28

MrsMcFarlane thats very generous, but I was hoping for someone a bit more successful than that.

98K is a tempting amount though.

OOh! I could "hire a temp" to do some scoping work for me....

MrsMacFarlane Fri 05-Apr-13 15:53:42

Hee hee...I'm available for a healthy cut....smile

Trills Fri 05-Apr-13 15:56:21

Could you buy expensive items then return them and get cheap ones instead?

Oh yes Boss we had to have the £50 staplers and £100-per-ream paper, can't you feel the quality?

EchoBitch Fri 05-Apr-13 16:05:09

2 years sounds an ok price for an extended holiday in the Bahamas,do they even extradite from the Bahamas or would you be effectively imprisoned there?
I can think of worse places to do your time,like Margate.

CreativeAccountant Fri 05-Apr-13 16:06:50

<sigh>

There must be an easy way to defraud my employer. It shouldn't be so hard to come up with a scheme.

Why am I so shit at maths and skulduggery?

CreativeAccountant Fri 05-Apr-13 16:08:18

I have no idea what the extradition treaties are like and I'd rather make it home and, preferably, not get caught in the first place.

I could tell them that I've gone on a two week break to Haven Cala Gran at Blackpool to throw them off the scent.

EchoBitch Fri 05-Apr-13 16:23:28

Blackpool you say?

How large is the budget? hmm

EchoBitch Fri 05-Apr-13 16:24:43

I think we have an extradition treaty with Blackpool.

RedPencils Fri 05-Apr-13 16:35:40

Definitely go to the Maldives. It's so beautiful. And if you are going to do a couple of years in the slammer you might as well get a nice holiday out of it.

I printed all my wedding stationery at work. When someone caught me I just brazenes it out and said I had permission. So you could just take the money and see if they notice.

How about a trip to investigate recycling coconut shells into clogs as part of a carbon offsetting plan?

OneHundredSecondsofSolitude Fri 05-Apr-13 17:23:02

You don't do it in your own name silly. Submit invoices for consultancy work from your fictitious company. Set up the 'consultant' as a 'supplier' with your bank details, a second account would be advisable. Bobs your embezzler

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