Re DH and flowergirl dress

[vintageclock]

My cousin asked a while ago if our DD (aged 6) would be a flower girl at her wedding and we said yes. She took DDs measurements and bought a dress when she was in New York recently. The other night she came over with the dress for DD to try on and, to put it mildly, it's a bit tacky. It's electric blue, shiny material with a load of lace edged flounces at the bottom. The shoes to go with it are silver Mary Jane's (okay) but they have a one inch heel which really doesn't look good on a 6 yr old.
DH exploded when my cousin had left and said there was no way our dd was going out looking like something from My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding. He wants us to make some kind of excuse and pull out of the whole thing.
However, my mum said she could never look my aunt in the face again if we did this, it would be so rude, it's only a dress etc etc.

So basically, I have my DH on one side and my Mum on the other and me caught in the middle.
Any ideas on what I should do?

[wetsand]

Does your daughter like the dress?

[vintageclock]

Yes, she thinks it's lovely.

[WorraLiberty]

Slight over reaction there from your DH!

How does your DD feel about the outfit?

[WorraLiberty]

X posted

I think your DH needs to get over it then really. It's a few hours at a wedding that's all.

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

You will have to override him but I would buy flat silver shoes myself.

[wetsand]

As long as DD is happy in it and it's what your cousin wants for her wedding, I don't see why she can't wear it. It may not be to DH's tastes, but it was bought for her! The only thing I wouldn't allow would be the shoes, but that's just me!

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

I went similarly nuts when MIL bought my 8 year old a tight, nylon dress with a ra ra hem...it was hot pink and covered in black bows as it's print.

It had straps and a ruched chest...in short it looked like a prostitutes dress. I said no way is DD wearing that and DH was a bit but I won...it wasn't a wedding...and as long as DDs frock isn't adult...but just tacky...she should wear it.

[dexter73]

I think your mum is right, it is rude of your dh. What do you think?

[DameFanny]

Tell DH it's just fancy dress. And if the flower girl outfit's that bad just imagine what the bride will be dressed in!

I might have something dreadful happen to the shoes though...

[catballou]

Yes I would compromise with flat shoes-nothing worse than heels on a child. Other than that, try to get your dp to look at the bigger picture-who's special day is this ?
Tell him to get a grip and be a help not a hindrance in making your cousin's wedding as stress free as possible. If your daughter loves the dress and your cousin loves it then those are the important people here in the equation!

[Lilipaddle]

If she likes it then it's fine. DH can get over it for the sake of a few hours, point out that everyone will know the outfit is chosen by the bride not you and him.
I would take flat silver shoes for her to change into after the initial walk up the aisle though. (Or for from the start if DD isn't comfy in the heals)

[Nishky]

tell your husband to get a grip and tell the bride your dd does not wear shoes with heels- you will endeavour to get something similar in flats

[vintageclock]

I suggested to DH that we bring a second outfit and change her into it once the photos have been taken saying we don't want her to spill anything on it during the meal. But even that didn't pacify him. He says no way is she going anywhere in 'that monstrosity'. I'll suggest buying flat ballet pumps but I think it's the dress as much as the shoes that he really hates.

[WilsonFrickett]

I would buy a pair of silver ballet flats and make an excuse to the bride that the shoes hurt dd. If you've 'solved' the problem ahead of time she'll likely be fine about it. The dress, it's just a dress, DD loves it, DH needs to chill out.

[DameFanny]

So does your dd have no frightful princess dresses in her dressing up box?

[WilsonFrickett]

Xposts. Just also thinking, he's going to be fun when DD hits her teenage years, isn't he...

[TigOldBitties]

It's one day, he needs to get over himself.

He's going to struggle to control her wardrobe for much longer anyway. My DD is 6 and already very fussy about what to wear, I know from my other DC that by aged 8 my opinion will count for fuck all. Whats he going to do when she's older and wants to dress in things he hates.

I don't like half of my DCs clothes but I just accept as I would of hated to have been told how to dress. If your DD likes it, the bride likes it, why can't he just get over himself for one day, as an adult can he really care that much about the outfit of a 6year old for one day!

[Mumsyblouse]

Your husband is being really ridiculous, it's not his day, not his choice, not up to him to veto the dress. What on earth is it to him if she looks ghastly and isn't really looking Boden-like for one day? I wouldn't have any discussion about this in my house, I would not be offending my family for him and his tantrum, she would be wearing the dress and the shoes (so what, a tiny heel, get over yourself, having a small heel on a child's shoe whilst not my taste is not a moral issue).

If my husband pulled my child out of my family's wedding arrangements, I would see that very negatively indeed because their emotional feelings are more important than displaying your child 'correctly' according to him. If she's not a doll, why does it matter what she wears.

For some reason, I feel there must be more to it than this, I can imagine someone commenting on the bad taste and having a giggle, but acting like a Victorian father over a blinking bridesmaids dress (which are notoriously gross) -is he always like this and, more to the point, why do you give a monkeys what he is saying?

[EldritchCleavage]

Oh think of the entertainment value in the photos! When DD is 18 you can whip them out whenever a new friend of boyfriend comes round. or threaten to!

As long as the dress is not inappropriate e.g. revealing, clingy etc I don't think it matters if it's tacky. I agree about changing the shoes though.

[WorraLiberty]

He does sound a bit precious.

Does he take this much interest in her everyday clothing or is it this one dress he has a problem with?

[ImAlpharius]

He sounds a bit snobby. Your dd loves it, the bride loves it, it's not indecent (from a modesty POV) so I think it's tough really and icredibly rude if you pull out.
I wouldn't even do the change clothes later compromise thing, it's one day, everyone will know it's not your choice.

I would probably ask for no heels, depending on how dc got on with them.

[Picturesinthefirelight]

Unless its a really tarty slinky number I'd let her wear the dress but replace the shoes as they "don't fit. "

[arabesque]

Only last week a few of us in work were talking about horrible outfits, including flowergirl dresses, we had to wear as children to family functions. We had tears pouring down our faces at some of the descriptions. It's no big deal. We've all been bundled into a horrible outfit at some stage of our lives. Believe me, your daughter will laugh her head off at the photos when she's an adult.
Your DH needs to get a grip. Wait until ten year's time when she's trying to sneak out the door in a dress that barely covers her knickers and six inch heels. Then he'll have something to 'explode' about.