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AIBU?

Re dp and the window cleaner

43 replies

2blessed2bstressed · 05/04/2013 10:31

When we moved into this house 4 years ago the window cleaner knocked on the door and introduced himself, said he'd done the windows for the previous owners and that "his" round included most of the estate that we live in. All fine, and I have no complaints about his price or the cleanliness of the windows.
However, there is something about him that makes me really uncomfortable, I am not a woo person at all, but the hairs on the back of my neck prickle whenever he's about, and I just get a sense that he's a really not nice person....who is always polite and pleasant, but I can't get away fast enough and would never let him in the house.
I have told dp this (have never felt like this about a single other person, and there are plenty of folk I just don't like), and he said I was being daft.
Yesterday, window cleaner was here to do windows and dp stood outside chatting to him for ages, asked him for a quote to paint the garden fence - a new sideline apparently - and came back in to tell me that wc knows lots of the people at ds2s activity he attends a couple of times a week, and is looking forward to seeing ds2 there next time he's about.
Aibu in being really pissed off with dp, for a) offering window cleaner more chance to be about our house and garden in the full knowledge this makes me very unhappy, and b) giving him details of our and our dcs personal lives and whereabouts on different evenings?
Also - quote for painting fence was ridiculously high, dp said "no chance are we paying that, it's extortionate". I arrived home just as window cleaner was leaving, so I said to dp "did you tell him we didn't want him to do the fence?" Dp replied that wc had asked him about it, and he told him that he'd seen it lying on hall table, but he didn't know if I'd looked at it yet. Wtf?

OP posts:

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fedupofnamechanging · 05/04/2013 10:35

YANBU. Your dp has pretty much put the blame on you, if you don't accept a quote for work which you didn't want doing in the first place from creepy man!

Also, instincts exist for a reason and you could do worse than to listen to them. If the man makes you uneasy, then your dp should respect that and not trivialise how you feel.

I would tell wc that you can't afford to get the work done now, as something expensive has cropped up with the car. Do it yourself or your dp will likely just blame you.

I would give my dp a huge kick up the arse about all this and make it very clear he is to stfu in future.

Inertia · 05/04/2013 10:38

DP is pretty naive to share details of when you'll be out of the house to someone who knows where you live.

Re the fence - just say that you are still getting quotes (surely you can paint the fence between you ? )

RedHelenB · 05/04/2013 10:42

I think YABU - your dh is an adult & can talk to who he likes!

2blessed2bstressed · 05/04/2013 10:43

Well yes, we hadn't even discussed the fence needing painted at all, and we've done it ourselves before, so would never have occurred to me to get a quote from anyone, never mind window cleaner who makes my skin crawl.

OP posts:

Softlysoftly · 05/04/2013 10:45

Your dp is being unfair blaming you abs giving away personal details.

I am a huge believer in instincts. I hated a friends grandad to be near me when younger, was wary when he looked after us alone, absolutely no reason for it.

After he died (we were about 15) I found loads of dirty stories about young girls onhis pc while we were clearing his stuff and she admitted he had abused her from a young age.

Listen to your instincts, cancel him, tell him you cant afford a wc anymore

2blessed2bstressed · 05/04/2013 10:46

RedHelen The actual chatting - yeah, if he wants, up to him. The possibility of more time round our house, and telling him what we're doing and when we are out, is what I was asking about.

OP posts:

RedHelenB · 05/04/2013 10:50

Well the solution is to clean your windows yourself then & say you no longer require his services.

HoHoHoNoYouDont · 05/04/2013 10:51

your dh is an adult & can talk to who he likes!

True, however it's the topic of conversation that's the issue here.

QuintessentialShallots · 05/04/2013 10:55

How come window cleaner and husband was talking about your children?
Why did it even come up?

2blessed2bstressed · 05/04/2013 11:11

Quintessential I have no idea how they got on to that topic, I wasnt outside with them, but as was pointed out earlier dp is an adult and can chat to who he wants. I avoid window cleaner at all costs as he makes me so uncomfortable, but now I feel pushed into a corner.
I can cope with him cleaning windows once a month, collecting his money in the evening, end of story.
Now I feel like I'm going to have to be the one to say we don't want him to paint the fence, and he knows more about our lives than I want him to.
I do trust my instincts on this, if, for example, lift doors opened and window cleaner was in lift, I would take the stairs.

OP posts:

McNewPants2013 · 05/04/2013 11:15

I think you are being a bit unfair on the window clearner, what has he done to make you feel this way.

2blessed2bstressed · 05/04/2013 11:18

Nothing at all McNew, I've said that he is alway polite and pleasant. But he creeps me out. I don't know why. But I don't see how I'm being unfair to him?
I have told dp he creeps me out. I haven't told anyone else - apart from you guys.

OP posts:

RedHelenB · 05/04/2013 11:20

Don't people chat about all sorts of things though? Finding this thread a bit odd tbh, he's cleaned the windows for 4 years!

ecclesvet · 05/04/2013 11:22

Yes, I think YABU. Your DH can chat to whoever about whatever he likes, and I would assume the same consideration would be given to you.

McNewPants2013 · 05/04/2013 11:22

He has cleaned your windows for 4 years, and not once have been anything but polite and pleasant.

I really don't see what the issue is.

snowyskies · 05/04/2013 11:23

My wc creeped me out. He was always prying for info and acting too interested in the contents of our house (looking through windows rather than cleaning them) and asking really odd questions. My DH thought I was being silly. Until the evening wc knocked late to collect his money (at a time he knew I was putting my kids to bed). I couldn't answer the door so he went round the back and let himself in and started walking up the stairs calling to me that he needed his money. He also knew my DH was rarely there in the evenings.
Suffice it to say that DH sacked him the next day and listens to my "female intuition" a bit more now.

RedHelenB · 05/04/2013 11:27

That's a different scenario though snowyskies. WC here does a goiod job & is pleasant & polite.

Softlysoftly · 05/04/2013 11:27

Why don't people Trust their instincts any more? Why on earth should op have someone around who makes her feel uncomfortable regardless of how polite he may be.
As long as you don't go making stuff up about him or telling others to don't have to spend time with people you don't like.

snowyskies · 05/04/2013 11:29

My wc did a good job and was pleasant and polite but he was odd! We had him for 4 years and couldn't fault the job he did. It was just him that freaked me out. For good reason too!

Goldmandra · 05/04/2013 11:31

He is just a window cleaner. Your DP was under no pressure to extend that relationship by standing chatting, asking him to do other work or discussing the family in detail.

He has every right to chat to whoever he wants but he chose to disregard your feelings for the sake of a chat. It sounds very much like he was trying to impress the guy so further disregarded your feelings by offering an opportunity for this man to be around you more. That's actually quite unpleasant.

YANBU for being cross with your DP. If this had been his boss or a member of his family I could understand him feeling the need to socialise regardless of your feelings but this man is just your window cleaner. There is no expectation to stand and chat any more than there is with a checkout operator or a GP.

Did he do it to prove a point?

RedHelenB · 05/04/2013 11:33

Did anything actually happen though Snowy? And in your post you said he was too busy nosying in your house to clean the windows!

snowyskies · 05/04/2013 11:38

No nothing actually happened. I was very cross with him and went downstairs and found him his money and asked him to leave. It wasn't the evening for him to collect his money so I wasn't expecting him to call.

He did clean the windows well but would spend ages looking through them too. Always comments about how much did our new car/tv cost. Telling me how there were lots of shed break ins locally and did I keep anything valuable in my shed. Remarks about what I was wearing etc.

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RedHelenB · 05/04/2013 11:43

Well presumably if he was on the rob he'd have helped himself to whatever he fancied downstairs & gone off again. Still not sure the point you are trying to make.

adeucalione · 05/04/2013 11:51

I suppose that whilst your intuition is telling you that the wc is dodgy, your DP's intuition is telling him that he is a nice guy and that you are behaving unfairly. Hard to know who is BU really, as one of you is wrong.

I do think that, if the guy creeps you out this much, it is really odd that you have been happy to have him cleaning your windows for four years. The whole scenario would go away if you sacked him and cleaned your own windows, or found another cleaner, surely?

binger · 05/04/2013 11:55

Never ever ignore your gut instinct. I have the same feeling towards next door neighbour's son, I just have to see his car for my hackles to rise. Unfortunately he's moved back in .

Just ignore him as much as possible but be wary at the same time.

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