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To be worried sick about son starting school to young!

(105 Posts)
madmacbrock Thu 04-Apr-13 22:32:27

I appear to be on my own with this.
My son was born on the 29th Aug, and i am dreading school time (his is only 19mths) This is not down to me 'wanting to keep him to myself a bit longer' but all the research i have read that suggests summerborn children (espesially boys) do not do as well as those born in the autumn. He will be smaller than the others, less developed emotionally, physically and mentally. I remeber the summerborn boys from my school years and they were all 'outsiders'
I realise he could start a year later, rather than a few days after his 4th birthday but would go to 1st year rather than reception, that has issues socially! and also seems pointless as he will still be 'behind' all the way through to high school. does anyone know of anyway round this?
I am concidering moving country to a place where the stupid rule doesnt apply or even lying about his DOB, is that fraud? everyone i speak to thinks im over reacting and that the system has been in place for years and he'll cope! Is it wrong of me to want my child to at least have the opportunity to thrive rather than to just cope and get by? confused

SquinkiesRule Fri 05-Apr-13 06:35:42

We never planned our children or even looked at when the birthdays would be, Ds 1 wasn't due till mid September but has a late August birthday.
I think having a healthy baby is more important that what day they are born on.
OP if your child is only 19months there is plenty of time to make sure he is ready for school. He can go to preschool, nursery, and make sure to do lots of reading and give him opportunities to use pencils and crayons. Do anything you can to help him, that's all you can do.

Beatrixpotty Fri 05-Apr-13 06:59:12

I understand why you are worried,it's something we have thought about too and there are articles that come out from time to time about how summer babies don't do as well as older ones.My son is also born at the end of August.Never crossed my mind when TTC though.Had an ELCS and everyone was telling me to move it September but I didn't want to tempt fate by even asking !
As he's got older,I worry less and less.He's starting school in September.He's at pre-school 4 days a week and most of his friends are the older kids born in the winter-it hasn't held him back socially at all.He's grown out of playgroups etc and if he had another year at home I think he'd get bored.I've no concerns about him being ready for school..As for how well he does at school,well,I'll help him as much as I can but they do things at their own pace and I'm not going to force it to make up for being young.It's just one of those things.

blueballoon79 Fri 05-Apr-13 07:13:24

I think you're worrying far too much about something that's not even happened yet.

In terms of coping well at school academically my DS had a lot more going against him than yours- he's disabled, his father died and he comes from a single parent family with a mother who has depression.

However he's doing absolutely fine at school. He works hard, does well at what he does and does a lot of extra curricular activities and has a broad range of friends.

I on the other hand was September born, came from a stable family, was extremely academic and always breezed through my exams with A's, yet suffered a life time of bullying, social exclusion and was very unhappy at school.

Nobody could have predicted either of those scenarios.

Please don't waste your time worrying about things that haven't happened as as your son grows he'll give you enough to worry about that has or is happening! That's children for you- a never ending source of worry!

weegiemum Fri 05-Apr-13 07:26:33

YANBU to worry. I did my MEd thesis on secondary transition and younger boys really do struggle.

I'm in Scotland and its arranged differently here, it's done by calendar year, roughly, so no child starts before 4y5m and there's an option to defer (proper deferral, not just missing reception) for dc born dec-march. Meant my 2 feb born children started school at 5y6m, my November born at 4y9m (which seemed really young!!)

There's quite a lot you can do to help - top one I found is really encourage sleep, even a nap after school. Good diet! Consider extended part time in first couple of half-terms. Helping with organisation -at secondary, younger boys are more likely to forget homework, books, equipment so getting into a bag-packing habit (this was my intervention that I researched!) can make a huge difference.

We had been looking into moving to London but in the end decided to stay in Glasgow as none of ne boroughs we contacted were prepared to keep our children in the school year they were currently in, the 2 oldest would have been automatically skipped up a year. Plus there would have been no bilingual support for Gaelic speakers. So we stayed put.

sashh Fri 05-Apr-13 07:56:47

Let me just phone my cousin and say those 10 A grade GCSEs (this was before A*) and 3 A grade A Levels are not really hers. As for her degree and successful career....

Then I'll call my niece and tell her to stop doing so well on her degree and to scrap her GCSEs and A Level too.

sweetkitty Fri 05-Apr-13 08:16:15

Was just going to say nice to Scotland, as weegie mum has said the youngest they go is 4y6m, if thru are Jan/Feb born you can defer and loads of parents do. They then get another full year at nursery and start with the P1 intake next year.

LIZS Fri 05-Apr-13 08:18:05

Worry about it in 2 1/2 years' time

katiecubs Fri 05-Apr-13 08:20:00

DS is an August baby and when he starts school he will be in a class with similar ages peers as they have 4 classes per year - roughly jun-aug will be his class so teaching is more appropriate to their level. Find out how it works at the school he is going to, I'm sure they have measured in place.

crashdoll Fri 05-Apr-13 08:52:55

YABU to be 'worried sick' about a 19 month old starting school in 2.5 years time. Sorry to be harsh but really, focus on the here and now.

waterrat Fri 05-Apr-13 09:01:10

my little brother is a late august birth - always the youngest in class - now he is an adult and is extremely succesful - he has a masters and a senior civil servant in the fast stream (means they think you are one of the brightest and pick you out from the rest of staff to push you faster/ give you better jobs) - he's always worked really hard even when not being the 'best' academically.

Have you heard of the expression dont carry sticks for bridges you will never cross? Why dont you wait and worry about it if it actually becomes a problem? X

Badvoc Fri 05-Apr-13 09:10:22

Yanbu but ime summer born dc and particularly boys do level out by puberty.
My ds1 is a summer born and - I won't lie to you - has struggled both socially and academically but is now doing well. (He is now year 5)
Just keep in mind your ds may need some extra help (of course it entirely possible he may not) and work on self care before he starts being able to dress and undress himself, wipe his own bottom, take his shoes in and off etc.
It sounds silly, but if he can do all that independently he will be more able to spend his time learning through Kay in reception instead of being taught those skills.

TheCraicDealer Fri 05-Apr-13 09:16:51

I realise he could start a year later, rather than a few days after his 4th birthday but would go to 1st year rather than reception, that has issues socially

Why can't he start reception the September after he turns 5? Are you allowed to do that?

Bobyan Fri 05-Apr-13 09:21:02

I remeber the summerborn boys from my school years and they were all 'outsiders'
I am concidering moving country to a place where the stupid rule doesnt apply

Frankly you sound unpleasant and your spelling makes me think that your DOB had little effect on your spelling.

50shadesofvomit Fri 05-Apr-13 09:26:08

Yanbu to worry. My experience is that there is a huge difference between September-August borns for the first couple of years of school (and girls generally seem much more school ready than boys) but it evens out by age 7 or so.

Ds1 was born end of March and Ds2 was born end of August. Both struggled academically for the first 2 years of school but in y2 (third year of schooling) they made huge progress. Ds1 went from bottom table to top table in less than a term and ds2 is rising up the tables too. Top table changed from almost all girls to a mixture of sexes and birthdays.

LIZS Fri 05-Apr-13 09:33:52

no craic you can't except in very exceptional circumstances .

stressyBessy22 Fri 05-Apr-13 09:40:17

some schools will start children who have never been to school before, in reception.We have an American army base nearby and so this happens quite a lot.The schools I have been associated with start them in reception and try and cover 2 years and they join Y2 the following September.

JudithOfThePascha Fri 05-Apr-13 10:08:26

That's the problem, though, Stressy - at some point the school is forced to put them in their 'correct' year and the potential for social and emotional disadvantages in much higher, IMHO. I know there are extreme circumstances where this might be the preferable option, but I believe this is rarely a good option for a child.

weegiemum Fri 05-Apr-13 10:13:12

There are measureable differences until GCSE level - I'm off to try to find those references!!

NaturalBlondeYeahRight Fri 05-Apr-13 10:22:31

YANBU to worry a bit naturally but having worked in reception for first time last year, you get all types of abilities and sizes which do not always match their month of birth.
Reception in this country is a lot of child lead play for a large part of the day, the formal learning is very child friendly.
He is still a baby ATM, by the time he is four you will see that he is more independent.

Moominsarehippos Fri 05-Apr-13 10:28:34

DS is a summer baby too. He started school at the 'normal' time and is top of his year. He is a little immature compared to some of the other kids (mainly those with older siblings, so that's probably an issue), but he's fine.

You are looking at the tiny boy now - wait until he's been to nursery and is closer to school start time. He won't be your baby any more!

ChunkyPickle Fri 05-Apr-13 10:34:47

When DS was that age I was worried too (August born) - he seemed so little and fragile, and had never been away from me for long

Then he started a playgroup/childminder so I could get back to doing some work and absolutely loved it - enjoyed his time, never a tear, spoke about other boys and girls and asked to go at weekends!

Now he's 2.5, he's been going to nursery for nearly a year and I have no worries at all about his ability to cope when he goes to school next year. Your perspective totally changes as they grow up a little bit!

PurpleRayne Fri 05-Apr-13 10:37:06

You are right to have concerns,

Mrsrobertduvall Fri 05-Apr-13 10:38:05

I have a September born dd and she is not by any means an academic genius. grin
but I love her anyway.

MTSgroupie Fri 05-Apr-13 10:50:05

Mine was a 'summer baby' and started school in the January intake aged 4 and a half years old. I thought that all LEA's do late intakes for the younger kids?

Not that it made a difference. Mine had been going to a nursery for a few years so going to 'big' school had little impact on him

flossymuldoon Fri 05-Apr-13 10:57:38

My sons birthday is 9th September.
Part of me is gutted that he has to wait an extra year as he's one of those kids that if he isn't kept interested he gets bored, and then naughty. I have a hunch that he's going to bored rigid for his final year at nursery. Also, his best friends all have July/Aug birthdays so will all be going to school this year and leaving him behind.
On the other hand, i know i'll be traumatised when he's no longer a baby and goes to big school so am happy to delay the blubbing for another year.

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