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to be absolutely f****ing furious with DH?

(62 Posts)
Supermim Thu 04-Apr-13 20:41:13

Just seen an email confirming his week playing golf in Portugal next month - he hasn't even mentioned it to me before!!!!!!!!!! And it's not the first time - he did the same thing two years ago and made me look a complete prat at the golf club as I was the only mug who didn't know her DH was going away!!
He says he hasn't confirmed yet (even though his name is on the email, flights are booked, hotel booked etc., deposit paid and I think balance paid as it was due 13/03/13! He also says he hasn't paid but I think he lies ! And anyway I believe I have a right to be fuming just because he didn't consult me about it/mention it to me at all??? I have told him if he goes he won't have a wife to come back to - which he says is not very nice !!
Your opinions please,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

AnyFucker Fri 05-Apr-13 17:01:05

Report to HQ and ask them to move it

Supermim Sat 06-Apr-13 16:41:25

Hey - what I didn't mention is my girls and I didn't get a holiday last year as we didn't have the funds- but he had a week playing golf in Portugal. This year we are (or were) considering a three week holiday but he has been dragging his feet booking anything and I have been fretting over whether we can afford to spend 4 grand on a holiday - all the while he KNEW he had his precious week booked.

To cap it all, when we had the row about it, or should I say, when I shouted at him about it he stopped talking to ME and has said about two words to me since!! Like I've done something wrong. Seriously any psychologists out there, am I dealing with a sociopath here? He seriously doesn't think he's done anything wrong and, if past similar occurrences are anything to go by (and there are many) it will be because I shouted that he has now frozen me out. The difference now being that I simply don't care ..........

And for all you very wise people out there telling me to leave him - I have thought about this many times but have always stayed mainly to protect our children as I didn't want them spending loads of time just with him - I simply don't trust him to look after them properly, plus he can say hurtful, demeaning things without knowing/caring etc. Also, if I left him he would get VERY NASTY - it would never be a clean break unless he left me. I hope some of you will appreciate that - I am actually a strong person but I know when to put the welfare of my kids and my own self preservation first, and have therefore sucked it up and got on with it. It's not a perfect life and, yes, it is abuse on many levels but I get a lot of time when he is not around and at those times i.e. when he's playing golf etc. he really doesn't give a shit what I'm doing - very rarely even asks me what I've done that day. It's only when he's at home and I want to go somewhere with friends etc that he gives me grief (why do you want to go out with her, she's not your friend, oh don't leave me I thought we were watching a film together, so what time will you be home etc.) Or he will keep texting me when I'm out just so I know he's there.

Phew! that felt good - it's nice to have an anonymous voice and to get support from people he will never know about.

HairyGrotter Sat 06-Apr-13 16:55:16

You don't have to live like this, you know? I don't think you'll be doing your girls any favours either. Would you want them to live like you do? I know I would hate for my daughter to feel like you do.

Women's Aid will help, you and your girls deserve better, regardless of the shit storm he'll try and throw your way.

StuntGirl Sat 06-Apr-13 16:59:24

Sweetheart, your girls will likely do a thousand times better without a dad who thinks only of himself. As will you. At least contact Womens Aid while he's gone and talk to someone impartial.

claudedebussy Sat 06-Apr-13 17:05:34

don't be under any illusion that your kids don't know what he's like. and if you left him they are quite within their rights to refuse to see him. so it might not actually happen that they spend much time with him. plus it sounds like he wouldn't make much effort with them.

i think your logic is a bit screwed up here. staying with him means misery all round from what i can see.

you say you have a great time when he's not there, well imagine if he was always not there.

yes he might be an arsehole if you left him. but you wouldn't have this incredible seething anger and resentment all the time?

KatyTheCleaningLady Sat 06-Apr-13 17:08:44

Book a holiday for yourself leaving the day before he does. Don't tell him until your bags are packed.

MrsTerryPratchett Sat 06-Apr-13 17:14:18

How old are your DDs? Ballpark? Because you can plan for when they are older. Aim to leave him when they can choose to spend time with him or not. At least have a plan to leave. It sounds like he is toying with you now. Really horrible.

KatyTheCleaningLady Sat 06-Apr-13 17:15:04

I've read the rest of the thread and rescind my previous post.

Look, if you have decided to stick it out for the sake of the kids, ok. I can understand that. But, don't waste any more energy on being furious. He is what he is and he will do what he wants. You can't change him or talk sense into him.

You can either leave him or cope with the situation as it is.

Snorbs Sat 06-Apr-13 17:56:05

If you're staying because you are afraid of how nasty he might get if you left then this isn't a relationship it's a hostage situation.

maddening Sat 06-Apr-13 18:47:21

How old are your dc?

Liara Sat 06-Apr-13 21:13:05

I rescind my previous point too.

If you stay, you are teaching your daughters that the way he treats you is the way they should expect to be treated in a relationship.

They deserve better.

Fairenuff Sat 06-Apr-13 23:20:14

You do have options.

You know you do.

You say they are all too hard but they are not as hard as carrying on as you are. You are teaching your children about relationships. So that they can have one like yours when they're older. Is that what you want?

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