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To feel hurt that friends went away without me

(57 Posts)
Waferthinmint Thu 04-Apr-13 17:54:06

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Waferthinmint Thu 04-Apr-13 17:55:57

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Sparklingbrook Thu 04-Apr-13 17:57:23

Mmmm. Do you have any past form for saying no a lot? I only ask because I have and in the end friends didn't ask me to do 'going away stuff' as they knew I would hate it. Sad but true.

anonymosity Thu 04-Apr-13 17:58:46

YANBU - I would be hurt too, for the secrecy part if nothing else.

znaika Thu 04-Apr-13 17:59:25

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ENormaSnob Thu 04-Apr-13 17:59:31

I would be upset too tbh. Especially if you are all close friends that regularly socialise.

There was a thread a bit ago how one friend was irritating the others with her parenting techniques and they didn't want to invite her and her family to a weekend away.

Could your friends be feeling something similar?

ShotgunNotDoingThePans Thu 04-Apr-13 18:05:47

So this happened a few weeks ago - you say you've asked them why - presumably things are just carrying on as normal except you're still wondering why?

You're not being silly, that sort of thing would upset me as well if I had a group of close friends.

elizabethdenbury Thu 04-Apr-13 18:06:40

Shame. I get like that. Give them the benefit of the doubt. It can eat away at you otherwise. Let them know that next time they organise things to ask you first first before they decide for you as you would like to have the choice yourself. It's perfectly reasonable for you to ask this. Some people just don't think and don't realise how much this can be someone. Let it pass you buy this time. Xx

Waferthinmint Thu 04-Apr-13 18:06:58

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Waferthinmint Thu 04-Apr-13 18:08:15

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MooncupGoddess Thu 04-Apr-13 18:08:30

Hmm... it's possible that for whatever reason (and it could be something very minor - perhaps something they all have in common but you don't?) they didn't really want you along. Clearly they realised you would be upset, which is why they were secretive about it.

It is natural to feel hurt, but I think that by making a big deal of it you will make your friendship with them weaker rather than stronger.

Sparklingbrook Thu 04-Apr-13 18:08:42

Would you have gone?

elizabethdenbury Thu 04-Apr-13 18:11:10

I would take this to heart also but honestly let it lie. Move on from it. You will get over it. If they're your true friends they'll respect you and ask next time. If they don't then there no friends. Xx

Waferthinmint Thu 04-Apr-13 18:11:22

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CloudsAndTrees Thu 04-Apr-13 18:11:33

Would you have said no if they had asked you?

TheOneAndOnlyAlpha Thu 04-Apr-13 18:11:39

Do you have small dc's? Since having my son I'm excluded from all sorts, from pub after work, holidays and birthday parties. I am hurt, but they probably thought I would say no anyway due to having a young toddler. And they're probably right. 9/10 times I can't come as DH works evenings and weekends. Nice to be asked though!

EndoplasmicReticulum Thu 04-Apr-13 18:12:08

I think I would be hurt by this too, even if I wouldn't / couldn't have gone it's nice to be asked.

Do you think they were really keeping it a secret or is it a case of 'just didn't think'?

Sparklingbrook Thu 04-Apr-13 18:13:22

Oh I am sorry, I thought you wouldn't have gone. YANBU to feel hurt and unwanted. And that you have some thoughtless friends.

CloudsAndTrees Thu 04-Apr-13 18:13:25

X posted. If they knew there was a good chance you would have gone, YANBU.

Did they have to keep the numbers down to fit the bedrooms or for any other reason you can think of? Would it have been reasonable of them to assume you couldn't afford it or something like that?

Just trying to give them the benefit of the doubt here. I'm not surprised you are upset.

Nancy66 Thu 04-Apr-13 18:13:48

I totally understand, especially if your instinct is that they were doing it on the sly.

Is there, perhaps, one in the group that you don't quite gel with who could have thrown a spanner in the works?

All sounds a bit 'mean girls'

DelGirl Thu 04-Apr-13 18:14:06

Do you have young children and would it be difficult to get away or would money be an issue for you and not necessarily for them? Maybe they thought that for one reason or another you wouldn't be able to go and didn't want to rub it in by telling you they were?

Sparklingbrook Thu 04-Apr-13 18:14:20

It does doesn't it Nancy. sad

ENormaSnob Thu 04-Apr-13 18:14:22

They were secretive about it and kept it from you therefore I think they didn't want you there rather than you would've declined or not enjoyed it sad

A lot of threads on here discuss not wanting to invite certain friends due to a difference in parenting choices, them having irritating qualities or not paying their way.

It is never to do with it being in the other persons best interest.

Waferthinmint Thu 04-Apr-13 18:14:39

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Waferthinmint Thu 04-Apr-13 18:16:01

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