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AIBU?

To not want photos of DD online?

50 replies

Lilipaddle · 04/04/2013 14:27

I think I might get a lot of YABU here, but just wondering.
I know it's not really going to do any harm people just seeing a photo, but after my aunt dating a 'lovely' man who ended up abusing her friends 3 y/o son after they got engaged, I get quite over-aware that not everyone is well intending, and I hate the idea (however unlikely it is) of someone like that looking through photos of her.

I sent my ex-MIL some photos yesterday in an email, and went on facebook today and she's posted every single one on her wall. She hasn't bothered to see DD since she was born 9 months ago, so it's more like she's just "showing her off" than putting them on because she's a big part of her life.

I messaged her saying "Hi, I'm really glad you like the photos, but would you mind taking them off the public part of the site? Sorry for being a pain but I prefer to keep her photos private while she's still a child."
She replied saying "I'll keep them on, It's only facebook. I want people to be able to see what she looks like."
I know it's easily solved by not sending her photos in future... But was IBU to ask her to take them down/should I push the point or just leave it now?

OP posts:

Report

superbagpuss · 04/04/2013 14:29

your children, your rules. there are no pictures of our children on the internet and people respect that.

thegreylady · 04/04/2013 14:30

I always ask before I put pics of dgc on here or fb and I choose the pics carefully too.

MoaneyMcmoanmoan · 04/04/2013 14:30

Yanbu.

I would let her know that you won't be sending any more photos if she disrespects your wishes.

malteserzz · 04/04/2013 14:32

YABU what harm can it do ?

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 04/04/2013 14:32

I agree with you, OP. her response tell you what you need to know. It is about her, and not your children or you.

What would you be happy with? Do you think she knows what you mean - maybe ask her specifically ?

kelda · 04/04/2013 14:33

YANBU. I would never put photos of other people's children on fb.

Can you contact FB and report them?

Don't send her any more photos.

AlfalfaMum · 04/04/2013 14:33

YANBU.
Agree it's 100% your decision. I do have photos of my dc on Facebook, but that's my choice.

Can't believe she refused to take them down [shocked]

ValarMorGoolis · 04/04/2013 14:33

YANBU. It's your child.

I'm not bothered about my DC being on FB, but I it's up to you.

She doesn't get to say 'it's only facebook' it's not her child.

thezebrawearspurple · 04/04/2013 14:34

You should report those photos to facebook and you can report her profile for abusive behaviour. Then message her telling her what you've done and if she doesn't remove them immediately, facebook will and they'll be the last she'll ever get.

yadnbu to want to keep your child off the internet, ignore anyone who can't respect the rights of people to want privacy for their children on this issue. It's not their call.

AnnieLobeseder · 04/04/2013 14:35

You can report them to Facebook and they will take them down for you.

I thought was only normal common courtesy to ask people's permission before putting their children's photos on the internet.

rockinhippy · 04/04/2013 14:37

Personally i wouldnt worry too much, but I can see why you are so sensitive & you have approached your MIL very nicely, so really YANB that U, you were kind enough to give her the photos, which are therefore your "intellectual property" you didn't give her the right to post them, so she's been abit of an arse refusing to take them down - that said, if her FB settings are for friends only, then its only her friend who will see them - so no massive harm done, though it would gall memory she's showing off when she CBA to make any real effort, so on that alone YANBU

maybe reply saying something along the lines of, asking about her Facebook setting to assess any real issue & letting her know that's it a real shame that she doesn't understand your feelings, as it will put you off sending her photos in future

lovelychops · 04/04/2013 14:37

Yanbu. Her response is really rude!

Maggie111 · 04/04/2013 14:37

What a rotter she is! report every photo to Facebook - cheeky bitch.

I don't agree with your reasoning, but it's Your Rules and awful she is refusing

MandragoraWurzelstock · 04/04/2013 14:38

There would be no way on earth that she would be getting any more pictures of her grandchild if you were me.

You're not being unreasonable at all but she is clearly stupid and unpleasant...at least her profile should be private if she is sharing these pictures, but the main point is she is being bloody, bloody rude and that crosses a line IMO.

Please don't let her bully you.

rockinhippy · 04/04/2013 14:40

PS I have photos of my own DD all over FB, it doesn't bother me at all, but i still think YANBU - & agree - your child, your rules

Buzzardbird · 04/04/2013 14:40

report. She cannot do this without your permission.

Lilipaddle · 04/04/2013 14:47

I've just sent her a message saying "Can you take them down or I'll have to report them to get facebook to remove them. I'm not going to feel comfortable sending photos in the future if they're going to end up on facebook."

Thanks for the replies. malteser, I know it's not going to do any physical harm I just really don't like the idea of them being sat online for a bunch of strangers to look through.

OP posts:

rockinhippy · 04/04/2013 14:47

Just to clarify, as YOU gave her the photos, which I presume therefore you took, YOU own the rights to the photos, she therefore cannot post them without your permission - if SHE had taken the photos herself, then it would be more difficult to FORCE her to take them down as she would own the - but YOU own these, not her

HerrenaHarridan · 04/04/2013 14:49

Give her a other chance to take them down, make sure she knows she won't be getting any more of she refuses, will not be allowed to take pics of dd if she gets off her arse and visits and will not get any unsupervised contact.

If she still refuses report to face book, they can shut her account down for it so should take it seriously.

Btw. Yanbu!
I have ended one friendship because friend refused to accept my wish for dd not to be plastered alloverthe Internet even when I explained she was endangering us both by doing so.

It makes me so mad!

LemonBreeland · 04/04/2013 14:50

YANBU. It wouldn't bother me but her lack of respect for your wishes is appalling.

RafflesWay · 04/04/2013 14:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 04/04/2013 14:51

Good message OP. short and to the point

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toffeelolly · 04/04/2013 14:54

Agree with you it your choice your child.

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/04/2013 15:00

We've been talking about it over here. There is some potential issues with posting DC pictures online. I don't and would be very annoyed with anyone who chose to ignore my wishes.

Good message to her OP.

Patchouli · 04/04/2013 15:05

yanbu
You could've put them on facebook for her to see if you'd wanted them on facebook.

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