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To be annoyed at DB posting video of DC on YouTube?

(26 Posts)

DC are 1 & 3 & intensely cute I live a few hundred miles from my family who adore them. I regularly email video clips of DC to my parents as they only get to see them (other than Skype) a few times per year.

DB is a fair bit younger than me (25) & still lives at home. He talks the 'good uncle' talk, but doesn't visit or even make sure he's in that much when we visit. He loves them, but he's not involved at all.

I occasionally post things on fb about DC so wider daily can see them too. Highest privacy settings.

Tonight db has posted a montage of the video clips of DCs I sent to parents, on youTube, linked on his fb profile. There are various clips, including 2 in bath.

When I viewed it I noticed that he'd posted two other clips he'd filmed of them 'performing' clapping etc

I feel a bit confused there's no real harm in the clips being public, I'd just rather (gut instinct) that they weren't. I feel he should've asked if it was ok. I don't want them knocking about on YT for them to be teased about in 10 years. But, it's unlikely many people will actually see them.

I want to ask db to take them down & refrain in future. DH says ok, but that I'm overreacting. DB is notoriously stroppy & irrational, so I'd approach it carefully.

So is it worth acting on or aibu?

SneezingwakestheJesus Thu 04-Apr-13 00:15:59

YANBU. You sent those videos for them to watch, not to share with the public. And the videos he posted that he filmed himself he should have asked permission for. You're not overreacting imo and I would do the same.

Catchingmockingbirds Thu 04-Apr-13 00:17:41

I have my account on the highest privacy setting but noticed yesterday (after a relative shared my status update) that everything you post has a share button now so your friends can share your pics/videos/posts with all their friends who I'm assuming can then also share them too.

Sorry that wasn't answering your question there, but just wanted to warn you incase you didn't know and a friend shared pics or videos of your dc you posted. But yanbu, it would make me feel uncomfortable too if it was uploaded to YouTube, I think it would be fine to ask him to take it down.

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 04-Apr-13 00:18:40

I worked for SS, DH is a computer geek. We both think it is a terrible idea for DC to have an internet presence. Your DB IBU.

YellowandGreenandRedandBlue Thu 04-Apr-13 00:18:53

I would ask him to remove them, not on to post those without your permission.

YellowandGreenandRedandBlue Thu 04-Apr-13 00:20:54

MrsTP - could you explain why? I agree but regularly accused of over reacting so interested in your thoughts.

Thank you. mrstp out of interest, what are your reasons? I'm curious to & would like to substantiate my instincts.

grin xpost

Catchingmockingbirds Thu 04-Apr-13 00:24:11

I was just about to post the same as yellow and babies too.

MoonlightandRoses Thu 04-Apr-13 00:25:13

YANBU - people are ridiculously casual about what's available where these days and seem to think that 'in the public domain' won't affect them.

Yes, your children are only young now, but everything posted about them, and you/your family increases the risk of an individual you don't want creating a profile or using the information in a way they shouldn't. Particularly on sites where it is ultimately not possible to erase anything posted.

For an example of what I mean, have a look at this. Perhaps that might help drive the message home?

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 04-Apr-13 00:34:13

My SS objections are that you don't know if you in the future might attract a weirdo. Someone starts stalking you, you don't post any more stuff but there is old stuff on there. CP issues, divorce, DV can all happen to anyone. Then your DC images are all there. Also, I am friends with someone who is a Police Officer who investigates child abuse. He won't post anything of his DC either.

My DH's objections are computer nerd objections. The images are there forever essentially and you have no control over them. DC don't get to pick their OWN online presence when they are adults. You cannot erase things, really. You don't know who will access those images and we are in the infancy of privacy stuff online.

SatsukiKusukabe Thu 04-Apr-13 00:35:08

yanbu. I wouldn't put pics or video of adults on the internet with out their permission so I expect the Same fit my children. theyll thank me when they are president one day you

SatsukiKusukabe Thu 04-Apr-13 00:36:26

what Ms tp said . can't photos be traced too? to where they were taken?

YellowandGreenandRedandBlue Thu 04-Apr-13 00:40:10

Mrs TP - it is your husband's issues I worry about more frequently, although the SS /police angle is worse.

Most people think I am crazy for thinking about it at all.

I hate the way there is no social etiquette against photographing/posting pics of other people's children, often with names. I think it should be generally expected you ask, but it is not commonly asked, people who put their kids everywhere seem to think it is ok to do it to everybody.

zipzap Thu 04-Apr-13 00:48:51

I would say that you had explicitly chosen not to put things onto fb and YouTube for all the reasons already mentioned. That you're sorry that you didn't tell him that you as a couple had decided this and that if you'd wanted stuff on YouTube etc you would have already done it - it's not there because you don't want it there, not because you dont know how to put it there.

If you make it look like you're the one that is being unreasonable for not having told him about your decision not to post stuff with the dc in until they are at least 37 and thee quarters much older and more aware of their Internet profile, then hopefully he won't react as badly as if you go in demanding that he takes it down because you want him to.

If he gets funny and accuses you of overreacting then ask him if he would like you to email pictures of him in the bath as a little boy to his boss and see what he says.

Remember to say you think it's a lovely film and you're really touched by it, how clever he was etc to do it so nicely. And that it's a lovely thing to do, great to email to rellies but just not to share with the whole world.

Last resort - ask YouTube to take it down. Deal with his reactions and hope he doesn't post up more stuff just to spite you.

mrssmartarse Thu 04-Apr-13 01:20:58

Yanbu hmm

You can have facebook remove them without your Db being notified but that won't stop him posting again in the future I say have it out with him, and let him sulk! My Db is the exact same! confused

pollypandemonium Thu 04-Apr-13 01:38:11

YANBU because HE published the pictures without your (or your child's) consent.

I don't agree that children having internet presence is a problem per se. Privacy settings can easily be set to make it secure for you to be able to post images to only those you trust.

LadyKinbote Thu 04-Apr-13 02:05:16

YANBU but agree with zipzap that you should tell him in a nice way. Considering his age and everything he presumably sees it as showing the world how proud he is of them so don't crush him too much!

IneedAsockamnesty Thu 04-Apr-13 02:05:46

Yanbu.

But I'm surprised that this thread hasn't gone the other way as most of these ones do.

lottiegarbanzo Thu 04-Apr-13 03:29:38

YANBU but agree with zipzap that flattering him by asking for a copy will help.

I don't want dd to have an Internet presence, as it's something she can't choose yet but won't be able to erase. My own concerns are about loss of ownership and control of the images and, what if horrible people look at them in horrible ways, so definitely no naked ones.

As predicted, we haven't been able to stop other people posting a few pictures on FB. Interestingly, I thought, my younger sister posted a couple of cute pictures when dd was about six weeks, then explained her thoughtful rationale for posting only a few, selected images to us, it clearly never occurring to her that 'ask the parents' might be a valid step in her decision-making process.

I have relented slightly and posted a very few pictures on FB with high security settings but I never label them with dd's name, though they may be tagged as me. I hope a search for her would still come up with nothing. Probably not true.

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 04-Apr-13 03:30:30

Privacy settings can easily be set to make it secure for you to be able to post images to only those you trust. Except Facebook, and presumably YouTube, now own those images. Not you. They can be taken over and those images could be sold, distributed, whatever. I'm not saying that will happen but it could.

Catchingmockingbirds Thu 04-Apr-13 09:01:06

Privacy settings can easily be set to make it secure for you to be able to post images to only those you trust.

How polly? I've searched through all my privacy settings and made sure mine are at the highest but can't find any option to stop others from sharing pictures I post up?

phantomnamechanger Thu 04-Apr-13 09:08:53

YANBU - anyone who thinks it is OK to post video and pics online willy nilly of their own, but even more so of OTHER PEOPLES KIDs is living in a dreamland and needs to wise up

but it happens - big school (primary) concert last month - head says photos allowed but NOT to be posted online - within hours of the concert finishing parents were posting pics on facebook hmm

Gooseysgirl Thu 04-Apr-13 09:12:24

I would be absolutely furious about this. But we've made it very clear to family and friends our wishes on this, so if you haven't ready done so it's time to nicely say 'I hope you understand but we really would prefer it if you don't share images/footage of our DC online etc

quoteunquote Thu 04-Apr-13 15:23:41

We have had moans and groans from family and friends when we have made sure they do not put anything containing our children on the internet,

all are careful not to, but I am so scary,

If you don't want your child's picture on the web, then everyone should respect that.

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