AIBU to not ‘like’ FB comment celebrating obesity?

[whethergirl]

Obese friend posted a FB rant, basically saying fuck what everyone else thinks and expects, just be happy with how you look, fuck diets etc. She got over a 100 likes and ?go girl? type comments.

AIBU to think that obesity is nothing likeable particularly, and while I don?t feel anyone should be judged for being obese, I don?t think it?s a cause for celebration either?

[Ducklings45]

YABU! [Hmm]

[Ducklings45]

*

[whethergirl]

So, if I was aneroxic, and went on FB having a similar type of rant, that would be alright too?

[whethergirl]

or anorexic even

[yousankmybattleship]

Wow. I'm surprised you've got any friends. Maybe they're just Facebook ones.

[whethergirl]

Btw, I'm talking obese, not just overweight. To the point it's practically a disability.

[whethergirl]

Why's that yousank? I don't and have never judged anyone for how they look.

[MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel]

Yanbu to not like it, its not compulsory , yabu to come on here telling us why you didn't instead of telling her, surely she would benefit from your reasoning more than we will.

[Caitycat]

I never 'like' anything on Facebook (I don't really see the point). Is she going to notice whether you do or don't? If she does and asks you why you didn't just tell her how you feel otherwise ignore her comment.

[Ducklings45]

How do you class severely obese? My best friend is 24 stone and a size 30 clothes, although if you saw her, you wouldn't know it. She is fit (fitter than me at half her size), swims every day and is always on the go! I struggle to keep up with her, though I suppose you would class her as 'obese'?

[HollyBerryBush]

Perhaps your friend is utterly pissed off at being judged by size rather than merit?

[whethergirl]

Obviously I wouldn't tell her MissyMoo as it's completely unnecessary. It's not really about the 'like' thing...I think I'm just trying to get my head around how I feel about this and wanted to hear some other opinions.

[whethergirl]

I don't know Ducklings, I guess most overweight people I've known tend to also be unfit.

[ApocalypseThen]

Should everyone comment on her weight but her? Ought she be ashamed of herself and accept the negative judgement of others?

[LemonPeculiarJones]

Obesity isn't a cause for celebration, no. But your friend is probably very used to feeling shit about her size and maybe for her to think 'fuck it, I love myself anyway!' is the first step towards a positive self-image.

A lot of over-eating stems from feeling crap about yourself, as everyone knows.

I understand where you're coming from but in this case stay with being supportive and look beneath the surface of her statement.

An anorexic would be pounced on and vilified for a similar statement, but the difference is society embraces the extremely thin. Anorexia is a terrible, life-threatening disease but it exists at the 'sanctioned' end of the spectrum IYKWIM.

I know you're probably just concerned for your friend and want her health to improve, but staying on her side makes you a far better support, which can only help her.

[FurryDogMother]

I'm with you in thinking that obesity is not something to be celebrated - but I think you (generic you) have to separate obesity from the person who suffers from it. People can - and should - be beautiful and have self esteem at any size, but celebrating a life threatening condition seems a bit illogical to me. YANBU.

[whethergirl]

Thank you Lemon, for actually bothering to understand what I mean and not make assumptions that I'm some kind of fat hater/bad friend!

I suppose I've never really thought that she felt shit about herself, she is a very glamourous girl, talented, beautiful and with a gorgeous boyfriend! However her obesity does cause her health problems.

FWIW I also over eat, as a result I do put on weight, but that is nothing I am particularly proud of. Yes, I agree there is a lot of bullshit pressure to make us think we need to look perfect. However, my over eating does get me down because I feel I have no self control, and I don't like putting on weight because it's unhealthy.

[whethergirl]

I am genuinely confused though.
If a physically disabled person had ranted something similar, then yes, I'd be with them all the way. However, obesity can stem from or create illness, and can cause some disability. If it is caused by over eating, then that is a kind of illness/disability, so why should I feel different about the two?

[whethergirl]

MrsDeVere this is exactly the kind of attitude that has me pondering. I use to work with a girl, very obese, had an extremely unhealthy diet, but was "fat and proud of it." But to the point where she would slate skinny girls, saying that men don't like it and would boast about not having any wrinkles because she was overweight, not like those haggard, skinny girls. She would deny that being overweight would cause her any problems. When she got pregnant, the doctor told her she needed to make an appointment with a specialist re her weight, and she just went off on one, accusing the doc of making assumptions just because she was fat etc.

I understand that this could all stem from denial, but it's kind of like reverse snobbery.

[thebody]

Diets don't work as of course you need to maintain a healthy diet generally and excersise to keep slim. Not rocket science.

Still it's up to her isn't it.

She hasn't got cancer she just eats more than she excersises so not rocket science just her choice.

Not to be applauded or critisised. Her choice.

[whethergirl]

Lemon my cousin is naturally and extremely skinny, no matter what she eats. Yet people think they have the right to take the piss out of her, making anorexic jokes etc. She hates being so skinny and hates being in a position where people think they can comment, whereas they wouldn't if she was overweight.

[thebody]

Obese people banging on about themselves are as boring as anorexics.

It's a life choice. If you want to overheat yourself to death if starve yourself to death seriously do it quietly.

[whethergirl]

I see what you're saying thebody chucks dieting book under bed. If you're doing something that could cause health complications, then yes, it's down to choice and no, nothing to get the party poppers out for.

If I was a chain smoker, I wouldn't then rant on FB going on about fuck what people think about yellow teeth and stinky fag breath, I'm happy slowly killing myself.

[LemonPeculiarJones]

whether that's awful for your cousin. Society is rife with a sort of rabid entitlement towards women's bodies, which includes feeling comfortable criticising them, whatever the shape. It's very wrong.

My observation was around the fact that some people might think that those in 'strong' positions should be able to 'take it' (maybe) - and thinness is seen as a strength and rewarded so those criticisers - jealous or just nasty - see a very thin person as fair game. Almost as if to be jeering towards an overweight person would 'out' them as bastards but to jeer at a thin person is less obviously unacceptable?

Still very wrong.