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to never to attend a social event where the woman with the Fecal Finger will be present.

(72 Posts)
DIYWidow Wed 03-Apr-13 17:06:20

The Fecal Finger of Fate has struck our family again.
Christmas was destroyed by a local lady with the shits who went to the pub and infected table - DH included and before fully recovered hosted a birthday party (got DD with her finger licking humous dipping ways).

I accepted a homemade chocolate brownie this weekend and six hours later felt the explosive power of her voodoo building in my colon.

Now we are not a 'delicate 'family but her ' it's good to be exposed to germs and stuff' attitude is destroying my holidays.

AIBU to avoid her purely on the grounds of health & hygiene?

eggerlicious Wed 03-Apr-13 18:13:37

From what I've read it is not her finger you need to be worrying about but her arse.....

IncrediblePhatTheInnkeepersCat Wed 03-Apr-13 18:13:43

I'm surprised that she can show her faeces in public.

DIYWidow Wed 03-Apr-13 18:24:17

No, I am not the Poo troll, been here since Justine used to ask us for donations to keep the place going.

Since you're all googling away here's Wogan to brighten up your day.

It a lose/lose situation, I could not eat at social events or overeat knowing the inevitable purge will also see me drop a dress size.

She's not particularly funny but she did say with a completely straight face that she was ideally looking for a widower with girls. [Sees murder plot to gain DH and my DDs].

The Police will find this thread won't they? - It's the mad haired, Guardian reading loon that done it. The newly arrived gardening/singing/horse riding expert that recently moved here.

SummerRainIsADistantMemory Wed 03-Apr-13 18:31:27

You know, it's as testament to how immune to boak parenting has made me that I've just eaten my dinner while reading this thread hmmgrin

DIY.... I think this situation calls for the permanent diet tactic. Any time you're offered food by the germ infested witch simply smile ruefully and say 'oh it looks gorgeous but I'm trying to lose weight for my cousins wedding/dps work do/school reunion'

IncrediblePhatTheInnkeepersCat Wed 03-Apr-13 18:36:48

But SummerRain a dose of the trots is great for weightloss, making these 'delicacies' very diet friendly. wink

TheDevilsGherkins Wed 03-Apr-13 19:11:25

Never mind Wogan. Wogan is sooo last year.

Don is what you need.

SummerRainIsADistantMemory Wed 03-Apr-13 19:40:25

Dear god, that woman must be walking like john Wayne shock

Wheresmycaffeinedrip Wed 03-Apr-13 19:40:58

shock who is that ???

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Wed 03-Apr-13 19:44:30

Doesn't look big to me.

TheDevilsGherkins Wed 03-Apr-13 20:00:24

The Hammaconda, Caffeine.

SummerRainIsADistantMemory Wed 03-Apr-13 20:01:08

Hec, either you're not seeing what I'm seeing or your husband is really blessed grin

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Wed 03-Apr-13 21:47:40

I suppose he must be! grin

StealthPolarBear Wed 03-Apr-13 21:49:21

Can someone please explain
(Not the large penis thing, the pooey fingered one)

LimeFlower Wed 03-Apr-13 21:59:15

explosive power of her voodoo building in my colon


this left me in stitches

sorry to hear you were affected defecated by Shit Fairy OP

EmmaBemma Wed 03-Apr-13 22:03:48

are you saying that this woman permanently has the communicable shits? I'm not sure that's possible. Perhaps you need to widen your search for the culprit.

BlackholesAndRevelations Wed 03-Apr-13 22:14:18


DIYWidow Wed 03-Apr-13 22:21:02

Ding Dong Don Draper

I'm pointing my clean, scrubbed finger at her. The only thing I've eaten this Easter different to my family is the homemade aptly named cake - I'm the only one suffering.

Back at Christmas we heard far to much information and made up medical fact. As the daughter of a doctor she is qualified to state that the 48 hour rule is rubbish and people have no immune systems these days.
We also witnessed the return from downstairs cloakroom with unwashed hands, which were then dipped straight into the buffet humus. 6 hours later DD was muck spraying. sad

TinyDiamond Wed 03-Apr-13 23:16:08

Funniest thread in ages. I salute you

KurriKurri Thu 04-Apr-13 00:19:58

Is she targetting you do you think? - like a nemesis (or nemeshit in this case)

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Thu 04-Apr-13 00:29:29

Fucking hell shock!
Who is this shit sharing bitch? She sounds foul. Without question you should distance yourself and under no circumstances permit any food she has fingered to pass your lips.

SouthernComforts Thu 04-Apr-13 00:39:19

Oh god 'nemeshit' just killed me!

Brilliant thread

GummyAdams Thu 04-Apr-13 09:01:38

^6 hours later DD was muck spraying^grin
So sorry for your poor DD, but what a turn of phrase.
Old poo fingers sounds absolutely vile. Send her an anonymous letter?
Begin it- 'Dear Typhoid Mary,'

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