Long story, I did post another thread on here about this situation previously but can't find it...and now things have progressed.
In a nutshell as to not bore you too much...
basically PIL's told DH that for our wedding last year, he was not to invite a certain aunt, and they would decline the invitation of our wedding if we did.
PIL's do not get on with aunt for what I think very silly reasons (holding a family celebration that PIL could not attend, and would not change the date to accomodate PIL, and generally not making PIL feel part of the family).
DH was very upset. This is not the first time PIL have dictated to him what they want him to do, so he told them fine don't bother coming.
There was a big argument, MIL cried and shouted, FIL asked DH to leave their house as MIL was so upset.
(MIL also said to DH, as I wasn't there at the time "you don't know what your wife has been saying about you behind your back"...all very petty because when I confronted MIL about what I had apparently said, it was when I moaned once about DH being a lazy so and so around the house. When DH asked her to elaborate she wouldn't, indicating what I had said about him was far worse than it was. Luckily he saw through this from the beginning and knew she was just trying to create friction)
Therefore they did not receive an invitation, as DH was waiting for an apology which never came.
The aunt has never done anything to upset DH. And DH was also upset that FIL runs a family business with other members of the family INCLUDING the hated aunt, meaning they hold meetings together a few times a year.
DH felt it was unfair that PIL put on this demand for our wedding, their son's wedding because they did not want aunt to be invited, but FIL will be civil for the family business.
DH has been very upset about the whole thing, but resigns himself that his parents will not change their attitudes.
Over the past year PIL have attempted to talk to DH, but not to apologise, only to say that why couldn't he do as they asked, as they never ask him for anything and remind him of all they have done for him in the past.
Therefore DH has had no interest in engaging in any conversation with them at all.
DH birthday came and went and heard nothing from his parents. Then wedding came and went.
Then a couple of weeks ago MIL came to see DH, and DH told me she seemed quite upset and seemed sorry and wanted us to go and see them.
This was the first time in the entire year they did not use the opportunity to speak to DH to lecture but seemed to want to make amends.
So, the reason why I am pissed off...we go round to the house, at first it was all pleasantries, then we had a 2 hour lecture of why we were wrong to invite aunt to the wedding, and why they hated her so much.
Also they told us the aunt had slagged off our wedding because we announced our pregnancy and it was a horrible way to do it, and said I had ignored DH's cousin, and the only reason they attended our wedding was to get one up on PILs...not sure how they'd know that considering they don't even speak to aunt!
There were no apologies.
MIL asked why they (the PILs) were not invited to our wedding DH said because of their ultimatum...MIL then said they were not even given the chance to change their minds.
MIL also explained for her wedding she had to have hated aunt as bridesmaid, which she didn't want, because her in laws wanted it. We said well it was her wedding, she should not have been forced to do anything she wanted to do, to which her reply was "but we did it because we love our parents, you clearly don't love us because you didn't do as we asked".
Anyway, MIL and DH ended up shouting at each other, Myself and FIL sat quietly for most of it.
Until enough was enough and I said, that it was clear we weren't getting anywhere. No one is going to admit they were at fault or apologise, we think they were in the wrong, they think we were in the wrong but regardless we need to forget the whole thing and never talk about it again because we will never agree on things, to put it behind us and to rebuild our relationship.
I asked MIL what she wanted to do...she said she'd have to think about it and discuss it with FIL after we had gone...
So we left it in their hands. DH was a bit upset but said he knew that they would be that way. I think he only really did it for me, as he knows I have been quite upset over it the whole year. I obviously know his parents like he does.
A month later from this meeting, we have heard nothing at all from PILs.
I hardly want a loving relationship with them, but I would like things to be civil and stay in touch. We are expecting our first baby any day now, and it's sad the baby won't really know one set of grandparents.
That's it in a nutshell but there was a hell of a lot of other shit in between which I can't go into as it's too long a story.
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To be peeved off with the in laws we have fallen out with...
19 replies
glossyflower · 02/04/2013 18:10
OP posts:
LindyHemming ·
02/04/2013 18:30
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LindyHemming ·
02/04/2013 20:16
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