I need to get some persepctive on this so what better way than to throw myself on the mercy of aibu?!
DS1 is 16. He is pretty bright, but incredibly lazy. He has never put in any effort at school and at times there have been issues wth his behaviour at school. Parents evenings have always been cringeworthy and sometimes utterly hideous.
He is now in year 11. All his teachers have said he is capable of A grades with some effort. His predicted grades are Bs. He is getting between C and U, averaging around a D. He takes no responsibility, lies about results, puts in no effort etc etc.
We have maintained a very good and positive relationship with the school - we have a lot of contact with teachers, due to his lack of effort. The school really have bent over backwards and I don't think they could do any more, other than sitting exams for him.
We are now in the realms of re-sits, plus more exams due in may and June.
We have tried everything possible over the years to get him to work hard. We have had periods of backing off, which produced nothing. Enforced revision, which resulted in him sitting with books, not revising.
As an aside he has a few chores which are meant to be done in order to earn the £40 per month pocket money which he can get. This includes waching up after dinner each night - we have a dishwasher so he basically has to stack it, wash up the stuff that can't go in and wipe the surfaces. I tend to wash up as I go along anyway so there really isn't much. I would say at least 3 nights a week it isn't done properly. He has to clean the bathroom once a week, on a set day. Only an antibac wipes clean. Invariably this isn't done or is done very badly.
He has had numerous chances and has previously lost his xbox, phone or internet due to not doing school work.
We have now reached a point where the wifi password has been changed and he is not allowed access to it. We are currently averaging 2-3 letters a week from the school - sometimes regarding extra revision classes, other times stating that he hasn't attended or is behind with work. Then there are phone calls from teachers.
He was told that to earn the wi fi password, this has to change. It hasn't. He also gets no pocket money as the quality of the jobs he does is so dire. However, he is currently still doing them.
The password has been given back to him on occasion where he seems to be putting in more effort. Always, within days his attitude is bad and he gets detentions for not doing homework, so the password is changed again.
It is now the Easter holidays and he wants to go out. Apparently, all arragnments are made on facebook so he is missing out. He also has hardly any money. Plus he has revision classes for 4 days over the two weeks. He wants a trial period with the internet back. I have refused as he has used up all chances. As a compromise I have said he can have a small amount of access on the family pc. So he has been on this morning to discover that he has been thrown out of a certain group he attends as he hasn't been to any meet ups or practises. Apparently this is all my fault as I have removed the internet, even though he had warnings before it was removed and knew what he had to do to keep it. It is also my fault he has no money, as I should give it to him as his mother.
AAAAARRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH
So, am I being unreasonable? Part of me thinks I may be, as he is 16, has no internet and no money. He does earn a very small amount with some occasional work he can do for my dad, between £15 to £40 per month. His phone is very basic as he has broken all nice phones, plus he has no credit as he has no money. But he just has to revise and do his chores, then he can have them. But he obviously wants them re-instated and then do the work.
He has now stropped off as he is upset at being thrown out of this group and I am wondering where it all went wrong.
So wise mumsnetters. What do I do now?!
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Am I the world's most unfair mother?
52 replies
allchocolatedout · 02/04/2013 13:20
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