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to go on sex strike til he helps put baby to bed

(85 Posts)
princessj29 Tue 02-Apr-13 00:23:18

Baby is 7 months and breastfed and co-sleeping. I used to settle her in my bed then join her later but the past couple of months this hasn't been working and she's woken within 10-30 mins (usually ten) of me leaving her despite having laid there with her for over an hour first. The evening goes now that she sleeps on my lap downstairs from 8-10ish, I take her to bed and feed/ lay with her then try and get away to go see DH for some 'action.' I use the internet on my phone to stay awake (like now) despite being very tired and try for up to 2 hours to go and see DH, usually disturbing poor DD several times and failing to get away anyway. Or if I do, DH is so conscious of the potential for DD to wake that it's over in 5 mins and does absolutely nothing for me. He talks constantly about how horny he is, how much he misses me and wants me etc yet while I'm spending hours trying to escape baby he's getting some sleep in on the sofa! I think if he tried to settle her with a bottle of expressed milk it'd break her association of me = sleep a little and could get our sex life back on track but he disagrees. I'm beyond fed up of hearing about how Randy he is and feeling it's my respo

scottishmummy Tue 02-Apr-13 12:40:08

Sad you hold so little value to consensual act sex that you withhold and use as punishment
shame you feel So desperate and tired,it's affected your judgement
Talk like adults,get a mutually agreeable plan

angeltattoo Tue 02-Apr-13 12:48:56

Princessj29, have you posted before about your OH, using a different name?

seeker Tue 02-Apr-13 13:31:59

Sadder that the op's partner thinks that his needs trump anyone else in the family's needs. This situation is not the OP's fault. It is not solely up to her to find solutions.

Happydotcom Tue 02-Apr-13 13:34:56

I've done every night / morning and bedtime since ds was born......nearly two yrs now.

We haven't had sex since I was pg. I'm so tired and resentful.

( not helpful!)

AmberSocks Tue 02-Apr-13 13:41:24

op this is what happens in our house(i have older ones too so at the same but i do have a baby 6 months too)

dh gets home at 6,I try to get dinner ready for this time so we can all eat together.

After dinner,we all go upstairs,dh is in charge of bathtime while i tidy the dinner stuff away.

I put dc3 and 4(3 and 6 months)to bed,when i say i put them to bed,i lie with them in my (superking size)bed ad they fall asleep,can be a few seconds if they are really tired,could be about 20 minutes,its not usually longer than that,maybe you could orchestrate your babies naps so that hes tired enough to go to sleep in a decent amount of time, hours is a long time.

While i do this dh is doing the same with dc1 and 2(5 and 4)iit takes about the same amount of time.

After this is our child free time,so we do what we want,sometimes the baby wakes up and ill go and sort him out,sometimes ill brig him downstairs if i want to.

We have lots of sex,which is why i am always pregnant lol!

AmberSocks Tue 02-Apr-13 13:42:42

btw the baby still wakes in the night,dh has never done a night feed,i havnt even wondered why until now,i guess its because ds2 still wake sin the night and its always dh that deals with him.

VisualiseAHorse Tue 02-Apr-13 13:48:29

I am actually a bit weirded out by this thread.

Why would you be having regular un-satisfying sex with a man who does nothing to help either your or the child you have together? He may be getting something out of it, but you are certainly not.

With regards to your bloke - don't 'withold sex' or use it as a weapon. Never a good idea. But also don't make it your sole priority. Explain to him that your are not his fuck-toy, but his partner and the mother of your baby. If you are tired, you will sleep. You will not spend two hours trying to stay awake just so your OH can get his leg over as quickly as possible.

With regards to the baby - do you want to break the cycle of mum = milk and sleep? If you do, work on it. Write your plan down, and get your bloke onside, otherwise it will never happen.

Show him this thread too.

princessj29 Wed 03-Apr-13 17:00:04

I was being flippant when I mentioned going on strike - I just meant that I'd make as much effort to get baby settled to sleep alone so we can have time together/time to have sex as he does - i.e. zero effort. I'm fed up of feeling it's just my problem to sort out when she is both of our daughter and we would both like a decent sex life back. Daytime sleeps make no difference to night time, she is just used to me being there with her and being latched on most of the night which is why I thought starting the night with a bottle of expressed milk may break the association with her thinking I'll be there all night. To those who said to tell him to sort himself out rather than expect me to come down for sex - that still doesn't solve my problem! At least he has the time and opportunity to sort himself out, while I remain frustrated and stuck to baby all night. Weekend nap time sex isn't an option as we also have an older child and no babysitter options either. Sex was a big part of our relationship before baby was born (and for the first few months after her birth) and it feels different without it - plus no sex is also meaning little affection as we don't even get to have cuddles as baby is literally always attached to me. Am at a loss of what to do.

Amykins Wed 03-Apr-13 18:20:59

Your little girl won't breast feed forever though.

AmberSocks Wed 03-Apr-13 18:41:58

cant he lie with you both?we dont anymore as we have more children but when we only had one or two babies we would lie with them together.

You might not like the idea of it but i dont bother "putting them to bed" at that age,mine stay up with me and if they fall asleep they sleep i our arms or somewhere downstairs(we co sleep but have a cot downstairs for daytime snoozes).
that wont solve your sex problem but at least you wont feel under pressure to get her to sleep every night ad just go with the flow.

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