To say enough is enough(39 Posts)
yes, people will repeat the same pattern until they realise they are reason for it.
Sounds as if you're starting to feel sorry for her again?
Don't - unless she starts trying to help herself, your responsibility is to you and your own.
I think you're best to leave her to think about it for a while. Quite frankly, if her DCs are as bad as you say, then friends will also start to pull away from her (i have one lovely lovely friend who's DS is a bit of a handful, I've pointedly only invited her over to ours in the day when I already know she's not going to be able to make it, then will just see her at grown up events so my DS doesn't have to put up with hers, I do'nt think I'm the only one doing this). Eventually she'll realise she has to do something or be very isolated.
Perhaps she'll take family less for granted, now she's in the big world, where people walk away from rude and selfish behaviour, and where "falling out with someone" doesn't bring that person running back!
Isn't that just craaaazy?!
Well that's fine - let there be silence.
I believe in cutting family a fair bit of slack but basically there's no law that says you have to like or want to associate with your blood kin. If you wouldn't want to be friendly with her if she wasn't your sis then I'd just let her stew now because it sounds as if she's exhausted any leeway.
Be open to her kids contacting you at a later stage in their lives, perhaps, but as for her? I'd forget about her. Family 'do's' will sort themselves out - they usually do.
see, I'd just do it, and then tell her to her face that if she's not going to discipline her DCs, then she shouldn't bring them to family events because their behaviour is terrible. Quite frankly, shouting once might be enough to stop them doing it again, or at least to get them refusing to go to things horrible Aunty Textfan is at, so either way works.
Talk to your mum, there's a point when being close comes at too high a cost for one person.
BTW - if your mum tries to manage you both being there say that your sister's DCs are horrible to yours, she makes no effort to discipline them and gets stroppy when you do, so until that changes, you don't think it's best for your DD to be round those children. If that means she has to lose her rlationship with your mum because your mum won't see you without your sister, so be it. Say you don't want a big falling out about it, but you will shout at her DCs if they behave like that again and as you are pretty certain they will and your sister won't do anythign about it, it's best you stay away to avoid a family fall out.
avoid family events? really, how many are there? Christmas then other things, do something separate "oh mum, we can't make it to yours for your birthday, I hope you have fun with Dsis, can I have you and Dad over for lunch the following sunday?" "oh, we can't do Easter sunday, you have fun with Dsis, why not you and dad join us for a day out on easter Monday?" etc.
I'm sure if you put your mind to it, you could avoid all family gatherings before christmas. invite your parents to you or go out round when you know she won't be there, it must be possible to do things just with them.
Good God. She's teaching her kids to call you fat and smelly?
Just don't hang out with her. She doesn't have the same standards as you for a start and she sounds like a crap influence.
I think a bit of space may do you all some good.
You can't stop her from messing her own kids up, you can protect your own child (and yourself) by keeping them the hell away from this toxic woman and her kids. Any questions from her and bluntly explain that you don't want to expose your child to a manipulative, nasty, compulsive liar and the two children she's raising to be bullies. Then have no more to do with her.
The only way of dealing with people like this is to give them nothing, treat them as if they don't exist.
Your sister is making a very big rod for her own back, when her kids are bigger they will have such a huge sense of entitlement and feel that they can do no wrong. Nobody will like them, they will turn into horrendous teenagers and she will wonder why!
Also, if you're not allowed to discipline them, I find the line 'Sister, will you please deal with your misbehaving children, they are annoying/rude/embarrassing/disrespectful/little shits' to be very effective.
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