To say enough is enough(39 Posts)
After all this, why are you socialising with her so much, you clearly don't like each other very much.
I can't see what you, she or your children get out of this, aside from mutual aggravation.
You are too close to a family that you probably shouldn't be so close to as you're so different.
Start separating yourself from this, there is no excuse for teaching children to insult their Aunt!! There's no point telling the kids off either, they're being taught by their Mum. Your sister and mum are treating you like a doormat, you have far higher standards than them, you are doing right by the children, I would start taking small steps at getting busy with other people who share your values.
You don't have to cut them off entirely, just get busy elsewhere.
And don't worry about the lack of cousins issue, of course it's nice when cousins are close, but I can safely say I am not at a disadvantage in life for having any! I certainly would be if I was forced to watch as my cousins called my mother fat and smelly.
Sorry OP the solution is simple, you take your child out of the situation where he hears negative and hurtful comments about you. Stop playing her games. If you are both adults, it isn't up to your mum to start taking sides - what do you expect her to do -stop your sister's pocket money? Make her sit on the naughty step?
Only you can exert any control in this situation, unless you are living in the same house, I can't see why you'd have anything to do with her beyond civil chit-chat at family events. No one is making you live in each other's pockets, especially as this fraught relationship seems to have gone on for most of your lives.
Disengage, disengage, disengage.
Practise the following line
"Fuck off you nasty vile fantasist,stop bothering me"
Repeat every time you see her, should do the job
Nah keep it short clear and concise. It works better that way
Are her kids at school yet? Fact of the matter is that Mum isn't the only person who gets to tell them off. Sooner they learn that the better.
Also, if you're not allowed to discipline them, I find the line 'Sister, will you please deal with your misbehaving children, they are annoying/rude/embarrassing/disrespectful/little shits' to be very effective.
Your sister is making a very big rod for her own back, when her kids are bigger they will have such a huge sense of entitlement and feel that they can do no wrong. Nobody will like them, they will turn into horrendous teenagers and she will wonder why!
You can't stop her from messing her own kids up, you can protect your own child (and yourself) by keeping them the hell away from this toxic woman and her kids. Any questions from her and bluntly explain that you don't want to expose your child to a manipulative, nasty, compulsive liar and the two children she's raising to be bullies. Then have no more to do with her.
The only way of dealing with people like this is to give them nothing, treat them as if they don't exist.
Good God. She's teaching her kids to call you fat and smelly?
Just don't hang out with her. She doesn't have the same standards as you for a start and she sounds like a crap influence.
I think a bit of space may do you all some good.
avoid family events? really, how many are there? Christmas then other things, do something separate "oh mum, we can't make it to yours for your birthday, I hope you have fun with Dsis, can I have you and Dad over for lunch the following sunday?" "oh, we can't do Easter sunday, you have fun with Dsis, why not you and dad join us for a day out on easter Monday?" etc.
I'm sure if you put your mind to it, you could avoid all family gatherings before christmas. invite your parents to you or go out round when you know she won't be there, it must be possible to do things just with them.
BTW - if your mum tries to manage you both being there say that your sister's DCs are horrible to yours, she makes no effort to discipline them and gets stroppy when you do, so until that changes, you don't think it's best for your DD to be round those children. If that means she has to lose her rlationship with your mum because your mum won't see you without your sister, so be it. Say you don't want a big falling out about it, but you will shout at her DCs if they behave like that again and as you are pretty certain they will and your sister won't do anythign about it, it's best you stay away to avoid a family fall out.
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