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To refuse to let ex take our son on holiday?

(118 Posts)
OhanaHarlow Mon 01-Apr-13 20:55:47

Little bit of background. DS is currently 6, but will be 7 in June. My ex and I were together until he was 5 when I found out he had cheated on me and he is still with the woman he left me for.

We don't get on too well, but tolerate each other for our sons sake - and are mostly polite to each other.

Tonight DH has told me (after he dropped DS back at home) that he would like to take DS to Disneyland Florida with his girlfriend and her daughter in late August - but would obviously need me to give permission by law (I think?)

I've said I would think about it, but I wasn't happy with the idea. He said that I was doing this purely to get back at him and hurting our son in the process.

It does genuinely worry me that DS would be a 9 hour flight away, and that he would be gone for 2 weeks.

When I went in to say goodnight to DS he was talking about Disneyland to me - so obviously DH has mentioned it to him already. So if I say no DS will think of me as an awful person.

... I really don't mind being told YABU because I really have no idea if I am.

KobayashiMaru Mon 01-Apr-13 20:58:08

Do you think he should be able to stop you taking DS away on holiday? If the answer is no, then yabu.

But yabu anyway I think.

DefiniteMaybe Mon 01-Apr-13 20:58:21

I think its as much his dads decision as yours. Why do you not want him to go?
Would you allow your ex to tell you that you're not allowed to take your ds on holiday?

WafflyVersatile Mon 01-Apr-13 20:58:38

he will be with his dad and probably nothing will happen to him.

How would you feel if his DD stopped you from taking him on holiday?

What do you think the actual harm in it would be?

Not unreasonable to not be keen. But maybe unreasonable not to allow it.

HollyBerryBush Mon 01-Apr-13 20:58:58

I think YABU unless your Ex has form for being completely useless in the parenting sakes. If he is a responsible father, then YABU.

PhyllisDoris Mon 01-Apr-13 20:59:03

Why wouldn't you want DS to spend time with his Dad? They'll have a ball in Disneyland. Do you have a particular reason for not wanting DS to go?

CabbageLeaves Mon 01-Apr-13 20:59:09

Sorry but I think YABU.

Your son has two parents and unless you have genuine safety concerns you are just depriving a father and son from a lovely holiday

RandomMess Mon 01-Apr-13 20:59:21


squeakytoy Mon 01-Apr-13 20:59:25


CabbageLeaves Mon 01-Apr-13 20:59:56

But hugs O, because it must be hard for you

ll31 Mon 01-Apr-13 21:00:29

If you've no worries about how he'll be minded, then I think yabu, tho understandingly so. .

TarkaTheOtter Mon 01-Apr-13 21:00:33

YABU sounds like an amazing holiday for a 7 year old.

Twinklestarstwinklestars Mon 01-Apr-13 21:00:49

I would hate my ds being that far away but don't think I could say no if his dad is sensible and you have no issues with how he cares for your ds. It would be an amazing holiday for him.

Madamecastafiore Mon 01-Apr-13 21:00:53

YABU and he will stop you ever taking DS anywhere outside the UK if you don't let him take him.

LeChatRouge Mon 01-Apr-13 21:01:03

Awwww, let him go, they'll have fun.

Why not plan something for you to do during that time so you enjoy some downtime too? Can you save for a little break?

lisad123everybodydancenow Mon 01-Apr-13 21:01:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ihearsounds Mon 01-Apr-13 21:02:41

Unless there is more, 9 hours and 2 weeks away as an excuse does seem like a poor excuse.

Rainbowinthesky Mon 01-Apr-13 21:02:45

Sounds really horrible for you and a long time for your ds to be away from you at this age. However, you can't say no as it's not about you. Can you book something nice for yourself at the same time?

Flojobunny Mon 01-Apr-13 21:03:00

I know exactly how you feel. I wouldn't be happy with this. My ex is taking DS to the other end of the country for a week and I know I will miss him terribly though I wouldn't stop him but I would if it meant leaving the country, even though I often do with him, but I see that as the flip side of me putting in all the hard yards raising DS. I did all the sleepless nights etc so its my prerogative to make the decisions.

Loislane78 Mon 01-Apr-13 21:03:09

Assuming you are not worried about a kidnapping (sorry just that seems to be in the press a lot and I don't know your circumstances) then I would seriously consider it as would be amazing treat for your DS but obviously you'd need to discuss 'rules' you were comfortable with:

- finances
- how he would deal with sickness/discipline etc.
- role the GF plays in ^^
- contact whilst you're away

I can imagine it might be v odd for you. Are there rules around visitation already in place? Perhaps you could have a little holiday/rest yourself smile

Hassled Mon 01-Apr-13 21:03:58

I let my Ex take my older DCs to Florida when they were just a bit older. And it was awful, and I missed them like hell, BUT they had an amazing time and a lot of fun.

Is your Ex generally a good father? Is he responsible, clued up, etc etc? If yes - then I think you need to just swallow your feelings about the OW and how much you'll miss your boy, and let him go and have quality time with his Dad. It will be bloody hard, but you'll cope - make your own plans for that time so you have your own different/exciting thing going on.

Can you sort out something like Skype while he's away?

Flojobunny Mon 01-Apr-13 21:04:10

But then again, I have the financed to take DS to Disneyland myself, so he wouldn't miss out if I did say no.

A1980 Mon 01-Apr-13 21:04:25

It's a holiday with the woman he cheated on the Op and left her for.....

It seems pretty recent too. Talk about rubbing salt in the wounds.

Although it May be unreasonable to say ni, its a big ask so soon.

McNewPants2013 Mon 01-Apr-13 21:04:35

What are your reasons for saying no

Spero Mon 01-Apr-13 21:04:41

I know it really hurts to think of him having a lovely holiday with the woman he left you for, but if you don't have any genuine fears that he can't look after him ok, sorry but you are being unreasonable.

But I know it is a horrible situation to be in. It is just one of those times when I am afraid you have to try to suck it up with good grace.

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