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Would we be arseholes if we got married, and didn't invite anyone?

(156 Posts)
Theicingontop Mon 01-Apr-13 19:01:08

We've finally decided to get married, but we don't want the fuss or expense that's associated with a wedding.

No party, no wedding dress, no suit hires... No guests.

We get the feeling that if we invited people who'd be really disappointed to have not been invited (like OH's dad and nana for instance), that we'd piss off everyone else. Kind of a, if you invite some you have to invite them all, situation.

And if you invite hordes of people they'll expect an actual wedding, won't they? And not us just popping into a building to sign some papers, which is what it will be. Anti-climactic and a waste of time, right?

So would we be selfish, unreasonable arseholes for not inviting anyone?

From what I've read on here I'll be doing the majority a massive favour by sparing them the faff of a wedding anyway <hopeful>

HappyDogRedDogToss Wed 03-Apr-13 10:31:20

I think MmeLindor has the answer - go to visit the ones that will complain the most grans for a weekend, do it there (as a surprise), take them out for lunch, job done.

popcornpaws Wed 03-Apr-13 12:45:25

The whole point of doing it yourselves is not to feel you have to have a party or some sort of celebration to keep others happy, it's about you and your partner, not keeping others sweet incase they feel left out.

2rebecca Thu 04-Apr-13 09:38:41

You could just book the reg office decide on the format of service and then phone and let immediate family and anyone you want to know know but make clear there is no wedding party just a simple ceremony, posh clothes, gifts etc not expected, and you understand if they don't want to travel to what isn't a lavish event. I wouldn't do the going to grans thing.
I don't see why the people who make the most fuss if things aren't done their way should be pandered to.

MyDarlingClementine Thu 04-Apr-13 09:53:31

Havant read all but I think your being sensible, if you like and get on with your close family, Id invite them, I think their feelings trump those of wider circle.
My only regret is sweating over inviting the pils who did put downer on it but they only came to ceremony.

We had a small wedding, DIY, and it was fantastic. No sweating over favours, or place settings! It was unique and good fun.

SignoraStronza Thu 04-Apr-13 10:10:34

No, yanbu. I wanted to do just that (with our best mate and her husband as witnesses) as couldn't see the point in a big 'do'. DH's got a brief starter marriage under his belt and I had a dc already.

In the end we compromised and got hitched in a hotel filled by a nice meal with 20 adults and 3 children. For me it was more about 'being married' and I didn't give two hoots about a wedding as such.

Was quite a nice family catch up though, as his cousins were over from abroad and they all got to do some touristy things the day/morning before, as well as an impromptu bit of drinking the night before with dh. In fact, we're thinking of doing something similar every two years (without the marriage bit, obviously). The wedding just provided the reason for a getogether if you see what I mean.

innermuddle Thu 04-Apr-13 10:40:07

I think that you should get married in the way that suits you.
when we got married we wanted a marriage not a wedding if that makes sense. I really hate being centre of attention, and am personally a bit horrified by the pressure & cost of weddings.
DH wanted to do it on our own & tell families after. I felt our families would be upset so persuaded him to a compromise, we had a small wedding with just immediate family (parents, siblings & children) and only told everyone a couple of weeks before the wedding. the extended family were upset by this, in-laws felt excluded from the planning & my family were so underwhelmed most didn't come (I have 5 siblings, only one came!).
the day itself was stressful, I felt self conscious, family were mostly in bad moods. in short my only good memory from that day is the end of it!
we plan to renew our vows with just our children for our tenth anniversary. I wish we had the private day we wanted rather than trying to please everyone.

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