I don't want to be bridezilla but...(150 Posts)
Ok future sil got engaged 3 months before us, she was planning a July wedding for next year, but after we said we were planning for August next year, theirs got brought forward (I think this was more due to cost ten because of us, but it does work better fr our families anyway) to August this year (not quite booked yet. We sorted our venue out about a month ago and booked it, I have alwad wanted to get married at this venue and I was only a case of if we can afford it.
Sil asked us before we has booked, If she could book it because they had an offer on. We booked it, so she disnt go for it, which I'm really greatful for - but I have to say I was a bit put out she was considering it, given the only reason we wouldn't have gone for it would have been because we couldnt afford it
Anyway, I have had some annual leave so I have been super organized with arrangin things - we've booked the dj, photographer and chair cover hire. Sil rang dh and asked if she could have the numbers of all the people we have booked so she could use them too??? I have to say inwas a bit cheesed off, I had put a lot of effort into finding them, negotiating good deals and finding people who were use to the venue etc. my bridesmaid (who used to be a wedding planner) was even more annoyed than me and said this was out of order. I gave herthe websites for her to look at (didn't feel like I had much choice unleas I wanted to look like a bridezilla)
She then told oh she is having the same colour scheme as me?? This is what has upset me really, because the colour scheme I have chosen is very personal to me ad oh, so I don't feel like I can change it. I know these things aren't just 'mine' and she has every right to chose what she likes, but I just feel like we are going to look like we copied her, iv just go to hope that people won't remember also they have a lot more money than us, so I have already tried to make it really personal to us because we can't 'compete' with all the lavish things they can ad I don't want us to be compared if that makes sense?
My bridesmaid seems to think she is doing it on purpose and predicted all this would happen before it did. I thought she was being ott until it actually dis happen
I also made a group on Facebook to get addresses for save the date cards and ivitations and sil made a rather patronizing comment about we need to save money an she wasn't going to send them so we shouldn't etc. The only reason I was doing it was because I had thought of a cute idea that would only cost usnpostage
You are being a bridezilla with totally good reason. It is your most important day and you are entitled to be cheesed off and not share numbers ect if you don't want to. I bet all the people saying yabu are already married, and like others have said it is the your day you get to marry the love of your life so just enjoy it. Once you are married or even on the day it will all pale into insignificance.
It's like having a baby you kind of think nobody has ever done it quite like you before so are in a first time bubble before you know it it's old news and you wonder what all the fuss was about!
Have you already had kids? If not then if you get pregnant at the same time as her, make sure you tell her you are going to call the children Egbert and Pam, otherwise they will nick your names.
By the way I have quite a bit of involvement in wedding peripheries, plus my own daughter is getting married so I am probably as steeped in this as the next woman, and you would be AMAZED at how often the same 'unique' 'special' 'personal' poems, songs, colour schemes crop up! No one else
gives a shit cares!
She does sound a bit unimaginative to pick the same colours as you.
I wouldn't worry because im pretty sure guests only give a shit about the food, drink and whether it's convenient to attend.
Sil is being a bit weird though, I loathe people that copy. It's so annoying.
I bet all the people saying yabu are already married
Well yes I admit I am, but I would have thought that actually being married would give you the benefit of hindsight and so a more rounded perspective. At the very least I really don't see how/why being married should disqualify you from having an opinion on this.
I alsdo said that being married was the most important bit: go figure!
The only thing guests care /remember about weddings are
1) how much free booze was there
And if single:
2) what the available totty was like
Everything else (including bride's dress/flowers/ cake/ readings etc) makes v little impression!
But then I don't have the bride gene so maybe that's just me (or your SIL too- really can't be bothered to spend anytime sorting it)?
Well, I don't think YABU to be annoyed. A wedding is a huge deal, you only do it once (hopefully) and you sound as if you've put a huge amount of work into planning it, despite having to deal with budget constraints.
However, I have been to several weddings in the same venues, similar colour schemes, almost identical dresses etc and I can categorically say that despite those similarities they were all totally different! Each wedding I have been to is as individual as the couple themselves. I love weddings and the very best one I attended was probably the lowest budget. What made it special was a couple who obviously adored each other and all the family and friends who were over the moon for them.
Try not to get hung up on what your SIL is doing OP. Just get on and plan your day.
After my DD's wedding last summer one of her friends asked if DD would mind her using the same venue and caterers. DD was pleased and flattered that they enjoyed her food and venue and wanted to follow her lead. I really can't see what you're so annoyed about. Take it as a compliment.
At least you recognise your bridezilla tendencies! Another one who says relax! Perhaps change your bridesmaid dress colours. There are lots of colours that will look good. See this wedding as a good chance to trouble shoot your own. That's a really great opportunity!
People will Enjoy your wedding if you are generous with food & booze.
Don't worry about fripperies & favours. Even people like me who are interested in these things don't really care what they are or if you have them.
Make sure your cake is different to theirs. Preferably a really delicious one that people get to eat rather than having dessert.
In fact just stop planning your wedding. If you've booked band/dj/photos. You can sort your dress etc but just do all the other things after yr his wedding. That way you don't have to be bridezilla about it.
Hang on, she changed her wedding date to avoid a clash with yours. And you're worrying about the colour scheme? You are so unreasonable!
... actually, if this is upsetting you, it would be a lot more reasonable for you to change things about your own wedding. Nobody needs 17 months to plan a wedding, but they do need 5!
I bet all the people saying yabu are already married
Yes I am already married, and a friend of mine was getting married a month after me and used some of my ideas for her wedding but with her budget she did it all 50 times 'better' than I did. I couldn't have cared less, my day was about getting married to my husband not about colours and what we had for dinner and all the other stuff that actually doesn't matter, and now 13 years on I can barely remember anyway. The thing that has stayed with me is my dhs face when he saw me, it doesn't matter if a million other people get married in your exact dress with your exact menu and the same colours, nothing will take that away.
I still think YABU, you need to think about the marriage not the wedding, its not actually that important if someone has copied your ideas.
I think the worst thing here is that you booked your wedding for a month after hers anyway. I think that was an absolutely horrible thing for you and your DF to do. Talk about stealing someone's thunder. You must have known that it would mean lots of people wouldn't be able to go to both or buy presents for both. To be honest I think the fact she just moved hers forward and didn't say anything to you was remarkably restrained of her.
When 2 siblings got engaged around the same time I did we made sure that there was at least 6 months between all our weddings because otherwise one or both of us would have missed out on guests etc. Perhaps even leaving a couple of months would have been okay, but to book your wedding weeks later without even running it by her was an absolutely horrible thing to do.
Bearing that in mind I don't think you have any right to complain about anything do you? It's just tit for tat.
To be honest I think your SIL is giving you a rather deserved taste of your own medicine. You got engaged just after she did and planned your wedding for a few weeks later in an attempt to steal her thunder and now she's just doing the same back to you.
You deserve it. Suck it up.
Maybe a little bridezilla but god it's your day and you feel she's taking it away from you by doing what she's done! So no you are not being unreasonable.
I would not give any details to her only a list of various numbers/sites etc so she can choose for herself.
As for the colour scheme, I'd be pissed off too but there's not much you can do about it.
Her wedding is first so you can pick out all the faults and shortcomings on her day and make sure it doesn't happen on your day!
she changed her wedding date to avoid a clash with yours
No, because July and August next year don't clash.
There is not really that many colours to choose from.
One of our friends has asked for all the details of the people we used for our wedding and I gave them all happily to help them out - really, how much difference can there be even if you use someone else? Things like chair covers are really only of interest to the couple getting married (and often not even to them) and I have never heard ANYONE comment on a colour scheme, accessories or periperal aspects to the wedding at all. Very few people even care about your readings (I didn't so we didn't have any - we know we love each other and that's all that really matters) or where you have the reception so long as they can find it easily. Most of the elements to a wedding are fairly generic, it's whether the couple look like they're having a good time, the speeches and the bar that people remember (or don't!) so I think you're probably just blowing it all out of proportion. Just try to relax and be glad that you have plenty of time to enjoy the anticipation of your big day.
Give her fake details and tell her the colour scheme is lilac and apricot with hints of citrus
Ps as for not affording as much as her, my cousin married a month before me in a big formal hotel, massive reception room, proper dj with disco, casino and sweetie bar.
Mine was more intimate at a small informal country pub, luckily the weather was nice and we were able to use the village green with garden games spread out for the kids (and adults too!).
I know my wedding was enjoyed more than my cousins, and I'm not just saying that because it was my day but people have even told me so.
Yes please please tell us what this colour scheme that is so 'personal' to you is? I am fascinated.
I just hope your hen party isn't around the same time, i am surprised your SIL isn't peeved right off with you, because it seems like you are stealing her moment.
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