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I don't want to be bridezilla but...

(150 Posts)
milf90 Mon 01-Apr-13 18:20:35

Ok future sil got engaged 3 months before us, she was planning a July wedding for next year, but after we said we were planning for August next year, theirs got brought forward (I think this was more due to cost ten because of us, but it does work better fr our families anyway) to August this year (not quite booked yet. We sorted our venue out about a month ago and booked it, I have alwad wanted to get married at this venue and I was only a case of if we can afford it.

Sil asked us before we has booked, If she could book it because they had an offer on. We booked it, so she disnt go for it, which I'm really greatful for - but I have to say I was a bit put out she was considering it, given the only reason we wouldn't have gone for it would have been because we couldnt afford it

Anyway, I have had some annual leave so I have been super organized with arrangin things - we've booked the dj, photographer and chair cover hire. Sil rang dh and asked if she could have the numbers of all the people we have booked so she could use them too??? I have to say inwas a bit cheesed off, I had put a lot of effort into finding them, negotiating good deals and finding people who were use to the venue etc. my bridesmaid (who used to be a wedding planner) was even more annoyed than me and said this was out of order. I gave herthe websites for her to look at (didn't feel like I had much choice unleas I wanted to look like a bridezilla)

She then told oh she is having the same colour scheme as me?? This is what has upset me really, because the colour scheme I have chosen is very personal to me ad oh, so I don't feel like I can change it. I know these things aren't just 'mine' and she has every right to chose what she likes, but I just feel like we are going to look like we copied her, iv just go to hope that people won't remember sad also they have a lot more money than us, so I have already tried to make it really personal to us because we can't 'compete' with all the lavish things they can ad I don't want us to be compared if that makes sense?

My bridesmaid seems to think she is doing it on purpose and predicted all this would happen before it did. I thought she was being ott until it actually dis happen sad

I also made a group on Facebook to get addresses for save the date cards and ivitations and sil made a rather patronizing comment about we need to save money an she wasn't going to send them so we shouldn't etc. The only reason I was doing it was because I had thought of a cute idea that would only cost usnpostage

specialsubject Mon 01-Apr-13 18:21:28

...but you are bridezilla!!

why does someone else's wedding matter?

'you copied me' belongs in the playground.

soverylucky Mon 01-Apr-13 18:21:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DeafLeopard Mon 01-Apr-13 18:25:18

Hate to say it but you do sound a wee bit bridezilla-ish.

Who cares about colour scheme really? And as for the suppliers - well she will have to do her own negotiation, they are not going to automatically give her the best deal.

dinkystinky Mon 01-Apr-13 18:25:19

Ignore your sils comments on FB' don't share any more ideas with her and bear in mind with only a few months left before her big day she may well find trouble finding caterers, photographers, florists etc.

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel Mon 01-Apr-13 18:25:42

I have been to loads of weddings, I can't remember the colour scheme of a single one of them tbh.

Her wedding will not detract from yours, yours is the day you marry the love of your life, how will her having the same coloured chairs make that less special for you?

YAB bridezilla.

Sparklyblue Mon 01-Apr-13 18:26:11

I would be annoyed about the colour scheme and would probably have to mention it to her.

FingersCrossedLegsNot Mon 01-Apr-13 18:27:16

Yanbu I would be furious with her!

Lottashakingoinon Mon 01-Apr-13 18:27:49

Sorry, you may not want to be a bridezilla but you have just written the handbook for it.

You seriously refused to give her the contact telephone numbers? If I were the businesses you were using and getting good deals from, I would be bloody cheesed off (if I knew!)

Oh, and your bridesmaid seems to be enjoying shit stirring. I should watch her if I were you.

Look, it's a wedding not a state occasion. Enjoy it, and look forward to married life. Forget what other people are doing!

LovesBeingWokenEveryNight Mon 01-Apr-13 18:29:14

Tell her fake stuff in future grin

LindyHemming Mon 01-Apr-13 18:30:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WafflyVersatile Mon 01-Apr-13 18:31:25

It does sound a teeny bit like she's miffed you arranged your wedding so close to her original date and is 'getting her own back' for your inconsiderateness or however she sees it.

I would also be a bit annoyed that I'd now look like I was copying her. However your wedding will be your wedding and if she is arranging her wedding to spite yours then I doubt she's a very happy person.

PurplePidjin Mon 01-Apr-13 18:31:31

She sounds lazy i would give her numbers for all the crap ones

No one will give a flying fuck about colours, nor will they have any idea who the bossy boots behind the camera is. The Top 40 will have changed dramatically in a year.

BarredfromhavingStella Mon 01-Apr-13 18:31:53

There is a whole year between her wedding & yours, people will not remember the colour scheme etc so really wouldn't worry about it.

Also, yes do what LovesBeingWoken suggested grin

CandidaDoyle Mon 01-Apr-13 18:32:02

Yep, you sound very bridezilla-ish.

Focus on organizing your own day, don't worry what others are doing. There's only many variations a wedding day can take, some similarity will crop along the way. It really doesn't matter.

WafflyVersatile Mon 01-Apr-13 18:32:44

This does sound a bit like a reversal of a thread on here before. hmm

milf90 Mon 01-Apr-13 18:32:44

I haven't refused, I gave her the name and website and I also gave her the search websites I used to find them. I also emailed our photographer to let him know she was interested...

Sianilaa Mon 01-Apr-13 18:33:46

Rookie mistake OP - never tell the real details to other brides for this reason! If she asks for anything else, make it up!

Although YABU about not handing over supplier details, don't see what the problem is there. She won't be ordering the exact same things as you unless you tell her what they are.

Cherriesarelovely Mon 01-Apr-13 18:34:00

Err no! Yanbu! I would be pissed off too. I had a really simple, cheap but fantastic civil partnership ceremony so I am not into lavish displays or anything like that but I would have been very annoyed if a close friend or family member had literally tried to copy the entire thing. One or two aspect of it, the odd contact is fine but the whole thing? Strange! It's one of those awkward things where moaning about it makes you sound childish but I don't think you are being childish at all.

chocoluvva Mon 01-Apr-13 18:34:16

It shouldn't matter to you what anyone else does for their wedding. Don't spoil your big day by being annoyed with someone else.

The guests will appreciate having a nice meal at a sensible time of day, spending the day with you and the other guests, seeing you being happy and looking amazing. They won't feel cheated or even notice similarities to your SIL's wedding.

roamingwest Mon 01-Apr-13 18:34:36

Yanbu - I got married a couple of years ago and parts of my wedding (eg a not v well known poem that was special to me and used as our blessing) have cropped up in the weddings of acquaintances who were at my wedding, not close friends btw they'd know better!

It's a special day and you want it to be unique to you. I totally get it. But I was a bridezilla too [embarrassed] nothing wrong with it!

roamingwest Mon 01-Apr-13 18:36:52

Ha ha blush!

Lottashakingoinon Mon 01-Apr-13 18:36:59

I haven't refused, I gave her the name and website and I also gave her the search websites I used to find them. I also emailed our photographer to let him know she was interested...

Then you did yourself an injustice earlier on grin. But I should still watch your bridesmaid!

And given that she is doing this in more than a hurry than she might have hoped, and at least part of the reason is to avoid too close a proximity to your wedding (set after her original choice of date) you could perhaps be a little more cahritable to and happy for her rather than curtain twitching at every move (again, this may not be the case but it's how you made it sound in your OP)


Pandemoniaa Mon 01-Apr-13 18:37:35

Sorry but YABU and bridezilla too. Has it ever occurred to you that the reason why a wedding venue is popular is because other weddings take place there? Unless you are so rich that you can buy an island or similarly exclusive venue then you've got to expect that other people (including family members) might be attracted to the same place themselves.

Also, I think this colour scheme thing is utterly bonkers. I can't remember a single colour scheme from the last few weddings I've attended let alone sat there thinking "Hmmmm....clearly Kate has copied Claire. How very dare she?". Just chill a little. Your wedding day should be special because it is yours. To get overly bothered about other people's wedding planning is the route to ruination of your own day.

TidyDancer Mon 01-Apr-13 18:38:11

I'm surprised so many people have said YABU.

I think future SIL is being weird about it. It's oneupsmanship isn't it? She doesn't sound like a very nice person.

Unfortunately, I don't know a way you can do anything about this without seeming like a giant bitch. I understand your feelings on the subject though.

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