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selecting only certain children at wedding.

(213 Posts)
frangipan Mon 01-Apr-13 09:13:36

how badly is this received? It comes down to money at the end of the day so decided to cut costs by not inviting any children, except bride and grooms child, grooms brothers child and brides sisters child. Thing is there are lots of younger cousins on brides side but only 3 younger cousins on grooms side.

So this basically means one grooms aunt/uncle will not be able to bring their children on grooms side as all other cousins are adults or invited child.

Aunt with the small children was asked to do the cake, she said she would do it as a gift (normally would cost £250-£300, v lucky) to save money. But we hadn't mentioned the no children bit. Invites are about to go out. How bad is this going to get?
(Places hard hat on)

frangipan Mon 01-Apr-13 09:14:14

should have put this in chat maybe...

Dilemma247 Mon 01-Apr-13 09:15:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bigkidsdidit Mon 01-Apr-13 09:16:30

I have to say I turned down a wedding invitation and got quite cross when it said no children; when i phoned to explain we couldn't leave DS for that long (it was a 2-day affair in the middle of nowhere) they said 'oh lots of children are coming, bring him'. I was a bit miffed and said no.

ditavonteesed Mon 01-Apr-13 09:17:14

I dont think you can be close enough to someone to accept a £300 gift from them but not close enpough to invite their children, sorry I just dont think you can.

SizzleSazz Mon 01-Apr-13 09:17:35

I don't understand re cousins bit. Sounds like bil/SIL children all invited plus bride & grooms child. Who are the younger cousins?

Dilemma247 Mon 01-Apr-13 09:17:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flisspaps Mon 01-Apr-13 09:18:06

Hmm. How much extra will it cost for you to have all of the children there?

I think it's a bit strange to have some relatives children, but not others. It's either all (preferred IMO) or none (strange IMO)

N0tinmylife Mon 01-Apr-13 09:18:45

Pretty bad I'd imagine. If I read that right the aunt is saving you up to £300 but you can't afford to invite her child? There must be a fairer way to keep costs down surely!

Hissy Mon 01-Apr-13 09:18:56

For the sake of saving £350, due to the aunt's generosity, I'd say her children ought to be invited, they have more than paid their way.

It would be a total slap in the face tbh if you didn't invite these specific children.

CSIJanner Mon 01-Apr-13 09:19:29

You should invite the aunts children - if you don't, you're being rude.

As for the others, why don't you explain and see if some can pay for their hidden in lieu of a gift? It's still blooming cheeky but its a potential solution

SizzleSazz Mon 01-Apr-13 09:20:35

Ok, re-read it - I think if you are inviting adult cousins then you need to include child cousins

We only invited sibling children (and babes in arms wink) but there were no jnconsistencies IYSWIM

StanleyLambchop Mon 01-Apr-13 09:20:46

If I were the aunt supplying a £300 wedding cake, and I found out my DCs were not invited I would be very hurt. Could you not fit them in, she is doing you a real favour!!

Hissy Mon 01-Apr-13 09:22:01

You ASKED her to do the cake, something she could have made hundreds of pounds on, but are not going to invite her DC, specifically only hers.

Think this through. How would it make you feel?

Itchyandscratchy Mon 01-Apr-13 09:22:48

I've been to weddings before that say that 'sorry, only immediate family of bridal party are invited' and it was fine. But think you'll need to be very careful how you phrase it I guess.

Friends, IME, a bit more forgiving than family when it comes to weddings & kids.

HollyBerryBush Mon 01-Apr-13 09:23:38

Where are you having the wedding? is there the possibility of a side room, hiring a childrens entertainer so the adults can eat in peace, and ordering a buffet for them?

With the price of sit down meals, I'd baulk at £30-40 a head for a heap of children, who wont like the menu, get bored, fractious, noisy, whiney and want to run around.

I'm all for having them at the evening do, the problem is, where to lose them during the day!

Itchyandscratchy Mon 01-Apr-13 09:24:01

But I do think you have to invite your auntie's kids if she's doing the cake.

Lottashakingoinon Mon 01-Apr-13 09:24:03

In principle I don't think yabu as long as you are gracious about people declining the invite if they can't bring their children...

However you say it comes down to money (perfectly acceptable reasoning) but I totally agree with Dita you cannot accept such a valuable gift and not invite their children. Apart from anything else if they were to withdraw the offer of the cake you would be considerably worse off!

I agree, a quiet word before the invitations go out may be the best way forward.

Backtobedlam Mon 01-Apr-13 09:25:37

I never understand why people get so het up about children at a wedding, the thing is they take up places that could go to adult friends. I've been to weddings where only immediate family children have been invited and not mine, it really didn't bother me. It's your day as bride and groom, not everyone else's, if the aunt says she's not doing the cake then that's her being petty. Could you say they are welcome to come to all come to the evening when numbers are less restricted?

BarredfromhavingStella Mon 01-Apr-13 09:25:46

If I was the aunt I wouldn't come & I wouldn't do the cake either, bad form on your part.

Iaintdunnuffink Mon 01-Apr-13 09:26:28

I principle there's nothing wrong with inviting some children and not others. Children are like adults, you have closer ties to some than others. It's perfectly ok to invite a sisters kids but not those of a friend you met at work.

I do think it has to be even on both sides. If groom or bride, then children of all your siblings, children of all your cousins, children of all all your best friends.

frangipan Mon 01-Apr-13 09:26:52

Sorry, on grooms side one set of aunts/uncles children are grown up (so cousins) then there's grooms mum/dad and grown up children (one of which is groom), so his brothers child is invited (but cousins to other aunts/uncles grown up children iyswim!) then there is cake making aunt/uncle who have 3 younger children aged 5-13, (so cousins to groom) they are the ones that are not being invited due to financial restrictions. But trying to make the wedding nice for everyone, adults are £60/head. It's just that their children will be the inly family not invited on the grooms side. But can't afford to invite all the children from brides side, and can't say no children from one side and then invite them from the other.

Lottashakingoinon Mon 01-Apr-13 09:29:17

Have just clocked that you asked them to make the cake (albeit not for free). Going to get down off the fence now: you MUST invite their children (and possibly rethink the whole children policy even if it means scaling down elsewhere) otherwise all hell is going to break loose.


Iaintdunnuffink Mon 01-Apr-13 09:29:59

Can you draw a family tree please grin

StanleyLambchop Mon 01-Apr-13 09:31:04

I still think you need to make exceptions for the Aunt's DC as a special circumstance- due to her supplying you with such an expensive gift. Otherwise you need to insist that you pay for the cake yourself. It really is very bad form otherwise. Presumably the gift is from the whole family, not just the Aunt, so the whole family need to be invited.

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