AIBU to throttle DD???!!(467 Posts)
Roughly four hours later and I am still frothing at the mouth.
Backstory: DD is 4 years old, and she and her sister have received (too) many Easter eggs from school, family friends, various well-meaning relatives etc. Both had a Creme egg for a treat after dinner, and the rest of their haul of Easter eggs are living in the kitchen to be dished out as appropriate over the next year/eaten by me (seriously, there are a lot).
I come downstairs to get DD up for bathtime, and she has opened and eaten parts of five eggs, two of which she knew were not hers. There was chocolate in little bits all over the floor, some of which melted and it took ages to clean up.
When asked about it, DD lied to my face that it wasn't her, but eventually fessed up (her sister is innocent in this affair). I went absolutely batshit crazy at her, and I don't feel guilty. She was sneaky, greedy and she lied to my face. She knows better. DD was sent straight to bed, no bath, no story, cried for ages, now asleep.
I'm thinking that she gets no more Easter eggs; and also want to ban her from the iPad for the next week. DH is a bit of a softy, and reckons being shouted at and sent to bed was punishment enough.
DH thinks this is too harsh; my worry is that she will see it as a not a bad trade-off---snuck into Easter eggs, Mummy shouted a bit, but she still got chocolate. MN thoughts please??
She is very young and still learning.
You sound like you well and truly lost it - which is worrying.
feels bad for the 4 year old as I've just done a similar thing at 30
I don't understand the last bit of your OP - 'my worry is that she will see it as a not a bad trade off... mummy shouted a bit' ?
Well, you've already said that you've gone 'batshit crazy' at her, so that's not just 'shouting a bit' is it?
It's Easter for goodness sake, maybe you shouldn't have left them out in her reach?! Leaving a 4YO unattended with numerous easter eggs probably isn't the best idea - she was clearly down there a while to get into those 5 different eggs!
The way that you say she is 'greedy, sneaky and a liar' is really not nice, and I think you should be pretty ashamed of the way that you are describing your 4YO for eating chocolate ...
sneaky and greedy? I just think she is four and wanted some more chocolate.
you are really overreacting to this. Of course your DH is right.
4 is old enough, just to know not to eat others chocolate and old enough to start understanding that lying is not appreciated. You will have to explain this many times, DD2 took to about 10 to understand that lying made things worse.
I certainly would have shouted (DD1 still remembers coping it for stealing my birthday chocolate).
She should give her sister what she ate. No point in no ipad, extended punishments cause DCs to focus on how mean mummy is not why they are in trouble.
Tbh, she's probably eaten enough chocolate for some time anyway, so no more Easter eggs is fine, in my view.
Banning the other stuff might be a bit OTT - the sight of others enjoying their eggs (what's left of them) will be a lesson to remember. She does need to learn not to steal, especially to that extent, and it sounds like she will.
the punishement she has got is more than enough, im sure she will remember you going batshit crazy more than she would being banned from the ipad. she is 4, and this is small fry. overreaction on your part i think.
Your poor dd
4 years old and has witnessed mummy going "batshit crazy" over a bit of Easter egg.
I feel very sorry for her, and for her future memories of Easter. YADBVVVU.
FWIW we have lots of chocolate here too. The DCs have had a pretty free run today food wise as we've had ILs all day so I did a buffet. Their eggs are in the spare fridge, and though i would like them to ask me before going and helping themselves, they are just kids at Easter, and if they get the opportunity to squeeze a bit more in, they will.
I hope after crying herself to sleep your dd is happier tomorrow. You owe her an apology and a big cuddle IMO.
She's 4. And there is good developmental evidence to say that she is behaving exactly as most 4 years olds behave.
At 4 is all about short term gain and egocentric behaviour
I can see how you think she has been sneaky (She went behind your back to eat chocolate she knew she wasn't suppose to eat) and a liar (she said she hadn't eaten the chocolate). And that she is 'greedy' as she wanted more chocolate (but then remember you are planning to it anyway ).
However, you are talking about a 4yo here which means:
1- instant punishment works BEST rather than something done later on (ie a week with no ipad)
2- if this was her punishment, you should have told her at the time not tomorrow morning when she gets up (there will be no relation to the 'crime') + it will only show how resentful you are when she thought thinsg were now settled.
3- if this is your punishment for eating chocolate wo being allowed to, what on earth are you going to do when she is doing something much more serious such as .. hitting her dsibling?
My dd2 is 3, yesterday I found her hiding under the table with a cupcake that she'd taken and her sister's Easter egg that she had climbed up onto the kitchen counter and got into the cupboard to get. She spent a little time on the naughty step but she still got her eggs today, and was just asked to give half of one to her sister to replace what she had taken.
I was cross with her, but far from frothing at the mouth and wanting to throttle her.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
"Cried for ages now asleep"
And you worry that she won't see that as a bad trade off?
Other posters have said its too harsh etc but OP I think you should do 2 things now 1) look at how this could have been handled differently and 2) act on what you can do differently.
Firstly in my humble opinion I think you should maybe have been a bit more generous with the eggs in the first place and if not allowed to eat more than a measly creme egg you should have explained what the plan is with them for the next week etc. you could have made cakes or something to use some up. Put them completely out of tempted hands.
Secondly talking rather than batshit shouting would get your dd to realise what she had done wrong far me effectively, without being sent to bed with no bath and story etc.
It also strikes me how quick you are to act upon and Know the other child was completely innocent. I would reconsider this especially if the other child was their and if they are older. I would expect the other sibling to at least try to stop this or let you know what the other child was doing. That is of course if they are older.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
oh dear, as others have said above, "batshit crazy" to a 4 year old, over chocolate that you left within reach? I think I might lie to you to, if going batshit crazy was the consequence. You've punished her far too harshly already. Would your DH support you in addressing your anger issues, or is he afraid of you to? You sound quite abusive tbh, did you mean to?
Four hours later and you're still frothing at the mouth?
"their haul of Easter eggs are living in the kitchen to be dished out as appropriate over the next year/ eaten by me "
"she has opened and eaten parts of five eggs, two of which she knew were not hers "
But you eat her eggs...? Can you see the "unfairness" of punishing her for something you do? Perhaps she was trying to eat all the eggs before you ate them for her?! (I get that there are a lot of eggs, but try and see it from a 4 year old's perspective...)
I agree that you have made your point. She knows that what she did has made you angry. Tomorrow is a new day for both of you. Put the eggs away tonight, so that they are not the first thing you both see in the morning. Do your normal morning routine tomorrow and after breakfast, ask her what happened with the eggs. Then ask her what you think you all need to do about it. You don't want her to eat too much in one go, but she can have a little treat every couple of days (or whatever you feel reasonable). She may well suggest hiding them in a special tin or something.
The main thing is to draw a line under this evening for both of you and agree with her in language she can understand how it will be avoided.
I know this part wasn't your fault OP but I'm astounded at the amount of chocolate some small children seem to be getting. 'Just a small easter egg' is fine in theory, until everyone and their dog buys them 'just a small one'.
I would give two of her eggs to her sister as punishment for eating her sisters eggs and leave it at that. The ipad is unrelated to this incident, I doubt she'd understand the connection.
Please don't talk about throttling a four year old...
Even if it was some sort of joke...
She cried herself to sleep and four hours later you're still frothing at the mouth?! Your poor dd, and massive over reaction from you. She's just 4, she's tiny.
I like the idea of making something with the choc. Perhaps you could do that together?
My children have eaten a LOT of chocolate today. Tonight I will put them out of sight and let them have them as and when. I do sometimes lose it with my DD2 (5), but I always feel terrible after, and calm down and talk about what happened and if neccessary apologise for losing it. I never let her cry herself to sleep thats just mean at that age.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
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