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To expect dialogue on here to be civil and diplomatic most of the time?

(249 Posts)
cupcakemumma Sun 31-Mar-13 20:30:50

Feeling so sick and tired of many threads on this amazing site being poisoned by unkind responses. There is one thing being direct and all, but seriously, I cannot imagine that the tone used by some MN posters would be used outside outside of this place in the wider world and welcomed. Some people seem to enjoy getting a kick out of speaking to others in an over the top spikey way on here, generating responses picking people's words to pieces like amateur lawyers.

What do you all think, or is it just me? Can't we all just get along and support one another and enjoy each other's company in diplomatic way? What is the point of being on here if time isn't spent being pleasant?


crashdoll Sun 31-Mar-13 22:01:48

I just wonder if any of the nit pickers realise that they could be starting on vulnerable people who start threads seeking advice. You have no idea of the mental states of some of the posters. It's horrible. sad

cupcakemumma Sun 31-Mar-13 22:04:24

Greencolorpack, i bloody hope so and I was the one who started this sodding thing in the first place. Yet again, a venomed thread. sad

WorraLiberty Sun 31-Mar-13 22:05:48

I agree with Tee and Pagwatch here.

<< Passes Dearie a box of mansize tissues >>

Shhh don't tell the feminists...blush wink

crashdoll Sun 31-Mar-13 22:06:24

cupcake You're very naughty for starting a thread that a few posters are apparently not interested in. I mean, it's so sad that there isn't any way to maybe not read the thread.

BarredfromhavingStella Sun 31-Mar-13 22:06:43

I'm pretty direct in RL, tbh cunt is my fave swear word & don't really get why it's more offensive than any other, however i'm never rude for the sake of it & am sometimes amazed at how vicious people can get over seemingly trivial things.

Don't think YABU.

nenevomito Sun 31-Mar-13 22:07:49

I'm just getting a bit tired of MN "analysing" itself. There seem to be as many threads about MN as about the very topics it's meant to discuss.

MN is a bit like the BBC in this respect. There's nowt that MNers like more than to discuss MN.

OP, some folk are snidey peeps and there's not much can be done about it other than ignore them.

OhDearieDearieMe Sun 31-Mar-13 22:08:45

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

crashdoll Sun 31-Mar-13 22:09:55

babyheave I agree that ignoring people is the best policy but it grinds my gears when people go on and on and on and on at people who come across as quite vulnerable. I wouldn't have commented if I thought it was only AIBU, I've seen it on other boards too.

beautyfades Sun 31-Mar-13 22:11:11


greencolorpack Sun 31-Mar-13 22:12:40

Crash doll I do agree with you, it is very worrying.

There is a pattern online sometimes.... Poster posts with dilemma, everyone decided dilemma is comical rather than "real" and so they subtly bully the poster, and not so subtly and then suddenly the genuine OP gets labeled a troll and then everyone feels free to attack everything about them and when not doing that they take the mick or derail the thread in other ways.... And everyone decides its "ok" cos the Op was "only a troll" but who gets to decide who is an evil malevolent troll and who is just a poor unfortunate poster that everyone decides is their new favourite plaything for blood sports?

One day one of these "trolls" will be pushed over the edge because they are genuinely in distress.

Cupcakemumma, that is a shame about the thread going tits up.

cupcakemumma Sun 31-Mar-13 22:12:52

Crash doll, it really, really concerns me too. The very reason why I started the thread in the first place. Very frightening as the reality is there are many people on here who don't have confidence to respond to some of the strongest caustic responses. This evening on other posts, I have read some utterly awful replies to very vulnerable and troubled OP's and I'm bloody sick of seeing this kind of thing. Disgraceful how people hide behind a nickname veil to say what they want, not thinking of the consequences of their tone.

beautyfades Sun 31-Mar-13 22:15:05

There is things i would like to post for advice on but dont as know what i would be met with..

BeerTricksPotter Sun 31-Mar-13 22:16:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pagwatch Sun 31-Mar-13 22:16:39

Can I ask cupcake, the utterly awful replies you have read elsewhere tonight, have you reported them or challenged them?

MadameDefarge Sun 31-Mar-13 22:16:40

charming posts from some. its the baseball bat approach that is really startling. fuck off to nethuns if you dont like it (I paraphrase) indicates some sense of entitlement to being aggressive and bullying. if i suggested to a poster that they should join a football hooligan forum because i thought they were more suited to its reductionist entitled aggression im sure i would get very short shrift. and of course those kind of posts only show the poster up as being rather, well, lacking.

Tee2072 Sun 31-Mar-13 22:17:10

Oh was that deleted? Do tied if not being able to tell the truth on here.

GFs all over the place.

crashdoll Sun 31-Mar-13 22:17:43

I know this wasn't directed at me but I have reported posts and they get deleted but the damage has often been done.

Pagwatch Sun 31-Mar-13 22:18:41

In general if you avoid aibu you will get sensible replies.
You will always get some crap ones because some people are thick.

crashdoll Sun 31-Mar-13 22:19:33

You can tell the truth Tee but it's frowned up by HQ to swear directly at and attack people in your quest to share perceived great truths with the world.

Kleptronic Sun 31-Mar-13 22:20:03

I agree with Pag, I have said stuff myself on threads when I've thought people were being bandwagonesque, not gone and started a general thread complaining about it. Challenge where you find it, then whichever the OP was will at least get a balance, is my motto. Not a snappy one, granted.

Then again I do also go 'meh' and post nothing, mostly.

nenevomito Sun 31-Mar-13 22:20:27

crashdoll & cupcake If I spot someone going after a vulnerable poster, I report it and will usually challenge it as well.

If someone is just being cunty with every reply they do then the ignore works, but you're right that going after someone is shitty.

Challenge, if you can't challenge report.

CSIJanner Sun 31-Mar-13 22:21:44

The trouble is some people just see a screen. They see the words but not that there's possibly a vulnerable person behind the keyboard. The internet can make some perfectly lovely people in life separate what they type to real life and empathy. Plus the written word can be read with different tones in other people's heads IYSWIM - did they write that sarcastically, sympathetically or cynically etc which can lead to different responses according to what someone has read and the type of mood they are in.

MadameDefarge Sun 31-Mar-13 22:22:52

are you going to give us some fabulous example of how rude/crass/vulgar/bitchy you could be if you really tried Dearie?

HesterShaw Sun 31-Mar-13 22:23:42


cupcakemumma Sun 31-Mar-13 22:25:26

Pagwatch, yes, they have been challenged and reported.

I haven't come by the term GF before, what does this mean please?

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