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to think MIL shouldn't teach DS that throwing a tantrum is how to get what he wants?

(181 Posts)
TickTockGoesTheClock Sun 31-Mar-13 18:53:35

A few things to set the context...

DS is three. I've been quite strict in what he eats - he's only had chocolate a handful of times (and the majority of those times were through nursery slip-ups) and until this year, we hadn't bought him an Easter egg. This is the first time I have actually bought and gave him chocolate.

Right, so this afternoon we went to the in-laws. Everyone knows DS isn't allowed chocolate/junk/etc. When we arrived, MIL and FIL said they'd bought DS an Easter egg - I said we'd already got him one, but thanks anyway, DH can eat it.

Later on, MIL decides to present the Easter egg to DS. I explained to DS that he already had half an Easter egg already today, and he can have the rest of the one we bought him later on when we get home. DS was a bit moany, but wasn't too bothered so I put the egg in my bag. MIL chirps in, asking where the Easter egg is, and said "DS you should say, 'I want my Easter egg!' and stamp your feet. Then Mummy will give it to you" hmm She didn't leave it at that, she started looking around for the Easter egg, continuing to encourage DS to throw a strop and saying "don't listen to Mummy, Grandma said you can have it". She only stopped when her mother gave her a stare and changed the topic to distract DS.

AIBU to think whether or not you agree with my parenting rules, you shouldn't try and show me up in front of DS and encourage him to rebel against me?

TickTockGoesTheClock Sun 31-Mar-13 19:28:14

Uppermid, my mum didn't buy DS an Easter egg, in fact no one on my side of the family did, because they know not to bother. SIL bought a bag of chocolate raisins and gave it to DH and I on the sly and said they're for DS, but we can eat them if we like.

microserf Sun 31-Mar-13 19:28:37

Yanbu about her behaviour encouraging your child to have a tantrum, but Yabu and very pfb about refusing the egg in the first place. Esp since your dc had been allowed one egg already.

I'm not an mil, but you sound a bit of a nightmare dil to me. I made a decision to respect my mil's relationship with the children and get in the way as little as possible. Things got a lot better between us and weirdly she ended up being more respectful of my parenting once she knew I would support her decisions about what she gave the children and how she spent time with the dcs.

exoticfruits Sun 31-Mar-13 19:29:25

The egg probably had an 'eat by date' of at least October therefore you could easily ration it out over the coming weeks.
I would lighten up-the bit about 'nursery slip ups' makes it seem as if he can't have sweets when the rest do-this is a sure way to make him the one child to crave it (when his mother isn't watching).

hobnobsaremyfave Sun 31-Mar-13 19:31:48

Yet another poster asking AIBU? who clearly does not even want to hear that they may have been unreasonable.

exoticfruits Sun 31-Mar-13 19:31:56

I saw lots of children having great fun on an Easter egg hunt this morning and yet I bet they had some at home too. It is very joyless-are your family as joyless if they 'know not to bother'?

Kiriwawa Sun 31-Mar-13 19:32:17

DS doesn't really like chocolate. I bought him an egg which he's expressed no interest in eating and when we go and see my parents next weekend, they'll also give him an egg. Both of them will probably sit around until at least summer.

But it makes them happy to give him an egg and he's thrilled to receive it. And that's the important thing really.

exoticfruits Sun 31-Mar-13 19:33:54

I would say that the important thing is a good relationship with grandparents-who are supposed to spoil a bit.

TickTockGoesTheClock Sun 31-Mar-13 19:34:13

hobnobsaremyfave I'm not saying I wasn't BU - I am v aware that I'm a bit precious over DS.

RedHelenB Sun 31-Mar-13 19:36:59

You have changed the rules though by getting him an easter egg yourselves! Yes she was in the wrong but so were you!

TickTockGoesTheClock Sun 31-Mar-13 19:38:47

Yes but just because we bought him one as a one-off, doesn't mean now he's allowed all the chocolate in the world!

DragonMamma Sun 31-Mar-13 19:40:15

Out of sheer curiosity, why are you so against him having chocolate as part of of a varied, balanced diet? And do you not buy it at all?

My dc2 is almost 2 and had eaten a pack of buttons today, he's got a shedload of eggs but he doesn't gorge himself on them, even though they are within reach.

And re the OP, you were rude, she was rude back and probably thoroughly pissed off and wanted to wind you up. Let's face it, most kids like a treat and aren't deprived of chocolate on a mass scale.

PickledInAPearTree Sun 31-Mar-13 19:40:40

Mate it's two eggs, which you could have let him have over months, or even not at all.

The issue is you could have accepted it even if you never let him have any pop it in a cupboard he would soon forget about it.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Sun 31-Mar-13 19:41:00

Op 2 eggs are not all the chocolate in the world.

piprabbit Sun 31-Mar-13 19:42:13

I don't think one extra egg is really "all the chocolate in the world", especially when you can control when and if your DS actually eats it.

thistlelicker Sun 31-Mar-13 19:42:32

Perhaps said child
Should have ate the two eggs then could decide didnt like chocolate and wouldn't want more?

DragonMamma Sun 31-Mar-13 19:42:37

One extra egg is hardly all the chocolate in the world. It's about 100g, if that.

TickTockGoesTheClock Sun 31-Mar-13 19:42:54

I don't really want to go into why he's not allowed chocolate, because that's a whole different thread. The thread was about being pulled up on my parenting, it could have been crisps/a pet dog/anything.

TickTockGoesTheClock Sun 31-Mar-13 19:44:50

Well when we arrived and they mentioned the Easter egg, they hadn't given it yet. So I couldn't have just accepted it, but I did thank them and remind them that DS isn't really allowed chocolate. MIL brought out the egg later on and gave it to DS.

DontmindifIdo Sun 31-Mar-13 19:44:59

TickTock - no, you have it wrong, you aren't being precious about not allowing him chocolate, or only allowing a little and rationing it, those are both perfectly reasonable (in my mind) views to keep.

What you were wrong about was not being gracious and polite to someone giving a gift to your DS - you can hold a position for your DCs that doesn't involve you insulting someone else's generosity - she didn't buy an egg to piss you off, she bought an egg to give her DGS pleasure. You handled that bit badly, you could have just said thank you and put it in your bag, muttering something about rationing his chocolate intake. Saying that your DS wouldn't get it was unnecessary, that might have been your plan, but you pissed all over her chips well and truely by saying it to her face.

PickledInAPearTree Sun 31-Mar-13 19:45:18

It's relevant that she behaved badly, but in my opinion you did too by refusing the egg even though you'd got one.

Like I said he didn't have to eat it did he?

Sounds like you have a difficult relationship so why make such an issue of this, save your energy for the big stuff.

weblette Sun 31-Mar-13 19:46:03

Unclench OP, it's a bit of chocolate. I agree with the poster above who asked where the joy/fun was in all this.
Yes your MIL shouldn't have acted the way she did but I really can't blame her.

fledtoscotland Sun 31-Mar-13 19:46:33

Yes your mil shouldn't have encouraged foot-stamping but your behaviour is rude and very controlling. Assuming no allergies, its chocolate. Just that chocolate.

You will be creating a junk-craving mobster who grabs everything banned at the first opportunity. Fwiw my DC have had Easter eggs from family plus ourselves and chose to eat the smartie chicken for breakfast but haven't bothered with the rest of it. Food shouldn't be a "treat" and healthy balance is what you should be aiming for

digerd Sun 31-Mar-13 19:46:38

Good for the GGM who gave GM the evil eye and she stopped being so childish. That was brilliant. I bet she was a real brat as a child and her mum developed the evil eye out of necessity, which still works.

I suppose DH cant say anything to his DM about it or FIL?
I had a MIL who was constantly putting me down. DH couldn't cope with it and told me to ignore it.
It made me ill. You have my sympathy.

DragonMamma Sun 31-Mar-13 19:48:03

It's probably because your mil thinks it's a bit ridiculous to deny him of chocolate.

A member of my family was PFB about chocolate, her DD was allowed 2 buttons at a time and a pack would last forever when we weren't slipping her a few extra and now, at 17 she is an absolute chocoholic and buys herself a tin of roses each Xmas and eats it within a couple of days. She's been like it since she was old enough to buy it herself and regularly hid the evidence from her bonkers mother.

crashdoll Sun 31-Mar-13 19:48:39

YABU to refuse/forbid a gift even if you didn't want your son to have it. It would have been polite to say 'thank you' and just not give it to him. I've seen a few threads lately where people are ungracious about gifts and I find it so rude! But YANBU about MIL goading you like that, she was also rude.

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