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to think MIL shouldn't teach DS that throwing a tantrum is how to get what he wants?

(181 Posts)
TickTockGoesTheClock Sun 31-Mar-13 18:53:35

A few things to set the context...

DS is three. I've been quite strict in what he eats - he's only had chocolate a handful of times (and the majority of those times were through nursery slip-ups) and until this year, we hadn't bought him an Easter egg. This is the first time I have actually bought and gave him chocolate.

Right, so this afternoon we went to the in-laws. Everyone knows DS isn't allowed chocolate/junk/etc. When we arrived, MIL and FIL said they'd bought DS an Easter egg - I said we'd already got him one, but thanks anyway, DH can eat it.

Later on, MIL decides to present the Easter egg to DS. I explained to DS that he already had half an Easter egg already today, and he can have the rest of the one we bought him later on when we get home. DS was a bit moany, but wasn't too bothered so I put the egg in my bag. MIL chirps in, asking where the Easter egg is, and said "DS you should say, 'I want my Easter egg!' and stamp your feet. Then Mummy will give it to you" hmm She didn't leave it at that, she started looking around for the Easter egg, continuing to encourage DS to throw a strop and saying "don't listen to Mummy, Grandma said you can have it". She only stopped when her mother gave her a stare and changed the topic to distract DS.

AIBU to think whether or not you agree with my parenting rules, you shouldn't try and show me up in front of DS and encourage him to rebel against me?

ddubsgirl Sun 31-Mar-13 18:56:03

Leave the egg behind

SminkoPinko Sun 31-Mar-13 18:57:33

I think you were out of order to forbid her easter egg giving. And she reacted badly to that and was equally out of order.

IneedAsockamnesty Sun 31-Mar-13 18:58:26

Yanbu its not ok to behave like that. But at least her mum gave her the evil eye.

Nanny0gg Sun 31-Mar-13 18:58:28

I don't agree with you, but your DC, your rules. And I would have backed you up until "When we arrived, MIL and FIL said they'd bought DS an Easter egg - I said we'd already got him one, but thanks anyway, DH can eat it. "

She was being silly/rude, but you were rude too. Is that how the two of you usually interact?

YellowDinosaur Sun 31-Mar-13 18:58:51

Yabu expecting grandparents to not give their 3 year old grandson Easter eggs at Easter (assuming no allergies etc). I was expecting you to say he was 1 given your post - chocolate in moderation won't do him any harm.

YANBU to be pissed off at her reaction and to expect her to respect your rules on when he can eat it.

Overall you are perhaps guilty of being a bit precious but she wins the unreasonable vote for encouraging your ds to have a tantrum when he wasn't bothered.

PuppyMonkey Sun 31-Mar-13 18:59:25

Why should your DH eat it?

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel Sun 31-Mar-13 18:59:25

Ywbu about the egg in the first place, but she WBU to tell him to ignore you and that she 'over-ruled' you.

Rosa Sun 31-Mar-13 19:00:08

Thank you ,take it home and then you decide when he eats it.. Simple no?

Inertia Sun 31-Mar-13 19:00:29

Yanbu - she shouldn't be undermining you, and she certainly should not encourage him to have a tantrum.

That said, you will probably get a load of replies about how awful DILs are to their MILs, a bit of chocolate won't hurt, etc.

TickTockGoesTheClock Sun 31-Mar-13 19:00:34

We took the egg home, DS has forgotten about it as he wasn't all that bothered in the first place. It's only when you make a big deal out of something, he thinks it's a big deal too.

Well it's been three years, surely she should know not to get him one? I mean, fair enough she was trying to be "thoughful". But if she was really thoughtful, she'd think we'd appreciate her not getting one. Or she could have got him something else Easted themed, no?

piprabbit Sun 31-Mar-13 19:00:54

It sounds like the 3yo was the best behaved out of all of you.

heidihole Sun 31-Mar-13 19:02:08

wow YANBU. Your child, your rules. sminko how on earth is she out of order? She didn't forbid easter egg giving. She accepted it and put it in the bag for later. But anyway if she doesn't wish for her DS to have chocolate/crayons/yoghurt/lego/insert ANYTHING at all then that is 100% up to her and her DH.

TickTockGoesTheClock Sun 31-Mar-13 19:02:32

I know I'm a bit precious over him - there's no denying that. And I am trying to get over myself (hence buying him an Easter egg in the first place).

DontmindifIdo Sun 31-Mar-13 19:03:17

You were rude in the first place, you should have smiled and said "oh thank you, we already have one on the go that we got him, so he can open this one when that was is finished." then scoffed it yourself tonight

But she was being unreasonable to encourage him to tantrum. I would have called her on it though, something along the lines of "MIL, why are you trying to get him to throw a tantrum? If he does it'll only make everyone miserable."

sweetmelissa Sun 31-Mar-13 19:03:35

I totally understand your POV, and of course your MIL was being unreasonable/stupid/childish about the things eh said to your DS and her undermining of you inacceptable.

BUT, and it's something I would not have understood until I became a grandparent myself, one of the greatest joys in life is spoiling your grandchild on days such as Easter. Would it be unreasonable of me to suggest you thanked her and took the Easter Egg away with you, giving your DS a small amount when you thought was best? It maybe seems a silly thing but I would have been SO SO hurt if my grandson's parents did now allow me the luxury of spoiling him by getting an Easter Egg. I am sure sometimes they do not agree with things I buy, but thankfully they always appear grateful and I am happy/in blissful ignorance. Just a thought!

DontmindifIdo Sun 31-Mar-13 19:04:13

BTW - my MIL is similar on wanting them to eat crap, I thank her for it, then put it away to be saved for after dinner/later in the week etc, she doesn't need to know who actually ends up eating it.

StuntGirl Sun 31-Mar-13 19:04:31

She was out of order. She disagrees with you obviously; but it's not like you've completely vetoed chocolate altogether is it? Could you save the egg and give him small pieces every now and then?

PuppyMonkey Sun 31-Mar-13 19:05:26

She was pissed off you were giving it to your DH when she'd bought it for your DS. Is what I reckon.

StuntGirl Sun 31-Mar-13 19:07:08

Or you could have followed her down the passive aggressive route: "Oh DS isn't grandma being so naughty? She knows you're not allowed chocolate doesn't she. What a silly, mean grandma!" etc.

TickTockGoesTheClock Sun 31-Mar-13 19:07:12

I probably should have lied and accepted it gratefully, in hindsight. Perhaps I was just being too honest. They probably would know I was lying - nothing has changed over the three years, these have always been the rules. I don't know why she'd be offended/shocked/anything else.

PickledInAPearTree Sun 31-Mar-13 19:07:27

I think you were a bit harsh on the egg front, even if its an occasional treat I don't think you should have told MIL you dh was going to scarf it. Even if he did.

I would just have said thanks he's had enough chocolate today ill take it home and he can have it another time..

However she shouldn't have done all that nonsense either.


thezebrawearspurple Sun 31-Mar-13 19:07:55

Grandparents like indulging far too much, the best way to deal with it is to accept the easter eggs and eat them yourself, giving toddler a small bit. yanbu though, it's annoying and disrespectful when people try to over rule you.

Kiriwawa Sun 31-Mar-13 19:08:20

Why have you forbidden his grandparents from buying him easter eggs? That's really mean of you sad

You sound massively PFB tbh

TickTockGoesTheClock Sun 31-Mar-13 19:08:21

Haha - yes I think that would have been the best response StuntGirl but not sure I'd have the guts to pull that one off with DH, FIL, FIL's mother and MIL's mother in the room too!

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