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To think its rude to order a starter if nobody else is?

(132 Posts)
Iactuallydothinkso Sun 31-Mar-13 11:36:05

Well, mn jury. Is it?

ChocsandChipsandSealingWax Mon 01-Apr-13 20:04:38

I love starters. I don't order one if no-one else is, but then always cross we haven't had them and it slightly ruins the meal for me. I agree that for me the pleasure is in lingering and chatting over the food, so I prefer to take my time. I don't normally have pudding, but always expect that someone on the table will, and never think it's rude of them to have one even though I'm not.

Meals out with MIL were always a bit annoying for me initially, as she doesn't have starters - saves herself for the pudding (and also her DH makes rude comments about how she shouldn't eat all that, she'll get fat sad but that's another story) But now than we know that's how we are, I have the starter, she the pud and we are both happy!

TiggyD Mon 01-Apr-13 19:06:07

It's rude not to order a starter.

And always ask for 2 forks. One to eat with and one to stab anybody who tries to pinch a bit of yours.

Meglet Mon 01-Apr-13 18:50:56

I always order 3 courses, although I don't finish every last scrap of them.

Gobbolinothewitchscat Mon 01-Apr-13 18:28:40

I never really thought about this til I met my 6 foot 6 DH. He's normally pretty hungry at meals and would like a starter. I have no probs not having one and sitting whilst he eats his - as starlight said, if I was hungry, I'd order one too!

Sianilaa Mon 01-Apr-13 18:27:09

YABU it's not rude... That's what you do when you go out isn't it? The idea is to chat and spend time lingering over your food, make an evening of it? Not to shovel it down as quickly as you can because you're starving? It wouldn't occur to me that it was rude and if we were starving hungry we'd either order a starter too or get some bread etc.

StarlightMcKenzie Mon 01-Apr-13 18:25:31

I would probably pity the people that didn't order a starter tbh. I'd think 'what a shame they're not hungry enough to enjoy the best part of the meal and are going to miss out'.

I would NEVER think 'gosh, I'm making hungry people wait!'? wtf? hungry people order starters. That's what they're for.

ifancyashandy Mon 01-Apr-13 18:20:11

Arrgghh *it wouldn't occur to me...

ifancyashandy Mon 01-Apr-13 18:19:24

If I didn't order a starter (rare!), it would occur to me to feel slighted or irritated by those who did. Therefore, it wouldn't occur to me that my ordering a starter whilst they did not could be seen as rude.

I'm very glad my friends are lovely. And couldn't give a monkeys about such things. And I know Lords and everything grin!

middleeasternpromise Mon 01-Apr-13 18:18:45

I hate eating out with groups where there are all these secret rules - if its lunch and everyone is pushed for time I can see that someone ordering a starter might be viewed as a bit selfish. But having a meal together really should be a socially enjoyable experience with everyone being able to have what they want and no one getting in a fuss because they feel the behaviour of some is offensive when there was probably no way they intended it.

StarlightMcKenzie Mon 01-Apr-13 18:06:36

If you have a starter, you are not making people wait. They have the option of ordering a starter, bread, olives, whatever too.

If they don't want to then obviously they're not THAT hungry after all and should stop whining.

Meglet Mon 01-Apr-13 18:01:07


I'm wouldn't follow everyone else and miss a starter! When I go out it's starter, main and pud regardless of what everyone else does I'm not going to miss out just because others don't have an appetite.

StarlightMcKenzie Mon 01-Apr-13 17:54:30

No. I think it is rude not to order a starter and then order a pudding. grrrrr.

If you are hungry get some olives. Don't make someone who had been looking forward to a meal out miss out on the highlight.

DreamingOfTheMaldives Mon 01-Apr-13 17:50:37

Why on earth should someone miss out on a starter because others don't want one. When I go out I generally prefer a starter to a pud and my DH never eats pud - why should he or I miss out because other people have more of a sweet tooth and would prefer pudding.

If you were that hungry OP you should have had a starter!

Iactuallydothinkso Mon 01-Apr-13 17:18:11

Gosh midnight! Stfu? Get off the fence eh? The splinters must be chafing your arse!

I would be considerate enough to not order the only starters and make others wait for their meal. I guess however it is pretty much only me bar a few on this thread who think it is. I can cope with that. I'm clearly in the minority. Fine. Ill attempt to adjust my thinking on it or at least try hard not to think someone else doing it is inconsiderate.

What is rude is being told to shut the fuck up because I've dared to have one opinion and it clearly differs to yours.

Everybody else managed to give their different opinion without being quite so rude.

Callycat Sun 31-Mar-13 23:53:12

Debrett's says it's
rude, if that helps grin

MidniteScribbler Sun 31-Mar-13 22:39:33

I'd be seriously pissed off if someone expected the restaurant to bring my starter and main course at the same time because they were too impatient to wait ten minutes. I like my food hot, not sitting congealing on the side while I eat my other course. If you're a grown adult, you can sit and wait, order a starter yourself, or just STFU.

MummytoKatie Sun 31-Mar-13 21:34:53

If left to myself I would generally have main course and pudding. (Or starter, main and pud if portion sizes are small / I'm feeling greedy.) Personally I would never order a starter or a pudding if I was e only one in a big group. If I want to eat exactly what I want I go out with dh - when with others it is more about the company than the food anyway.

But we generally have a "starters or not" debate and if the answer is yes I will always order bread & ovlives / bread and hummus / garlic bread even if I don't fancy a "proper" starter.

But generally when I go out with friends we all know and consider each others likes and dislikes anyway. So, for example, I don't like curry so generally they avoid curry places or go for one that has an "English menu" and I have chicken and chips. But occassionally they do fancy an authentic Indian restaurant in which case I come too, we try and find me something mild and if that fails I cheerily eat poppadoms and rice and focus on the fact that I'm having fun with my lovely friends.

Emilythornesbff Sun 31-Mar-13 20:54:59

I don't "get" starters though.

Two savoury courses. It seems like eating lunch and then straight away having supper. confused

MoominmammasHandbag Sun 31-Mar-13 20:46:51

Wow, I have just had a bit of a lightbulb moment. I bloody love good food but I'm 5 foot 2, weigh about 8 stone and I just physically can't eat a starter, main and pudding.
But two starters and a pudding! Why have I never ordered this before? smile

Emilythornesbff Sun 31-Mar-13 20:34:31

Group dining can be a social minefield.
Timing issues and bill splitting both bring the main problem areas.
Work dos are the worst for this IMO.

I think if you're going out to eat in a group you just have to chill outand go with the flow. It's not rude to order a starter or dessert, because those not partaking should be able to sit and chat / enjoy their drinks/ nibble some bread.

I don't do either of these things (chill outer go with the flow) as I'm not drinking (breastfeeding). Watching my dining companions get merry envy and sharing their fucking wine bill while staying stone cold sober after drinking fucking tap water makes me an irritable bitch. grin
So i'dsay everything about communal dining is rude!

(bitter much?)

Ashoething Sun 31-Mar-13 19:41:39

No its not rude-just have a bloody starter! Pisses me off when I go out with friends and they unilaterally decide that we are not having a starter.

Happened a couple of weeks ago and I really wanted a bloody starter! Usually I will just order starter,main and dessert-I like my grub and don't care who knows it but on this occasion there had already been tensions over meal so I didn't rock the boat.

gotthemoononastick Sun 31-Mar-13 19:34:09

I usually tell the waiter to bring me a starter when others' main courses arrive and have never had a problem...small old ex- ballerina appetite.

Ullena Sun 31-Mar-13 17:11:56

I usually order a starter and a side dish, which I am happy for everyone to share. Just stay the hell away from my dessert! I don't actually order a main dish as I can't eat large amounts in one sitting, hence the sharing.

Wishihadabs Sun 31-Mar-13 16:58:38

Commenting is also very bad form IMO

SilverOldie Sun 31-Mar-13 16:56:57

YABU. Isn't eating out supposed to be enjoyable? If you want a starter, have a starter or not, up to you.

I really hate people who comment on what you're eating, e.g. omg are you going to eat all that! and it's usually the same people who try to steal food from my plate - they get their knuckles rapped with a knife grrr.

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