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To tell my neighbours to f*** off?

(24 Posts)
AnneNonimous Sun 31-Mar-13 10:25:23

I have lived in my flat for 2 months with DS. It is my first time living away from home and I have suffered with anxiety my whole life so it has been quite difficult but overall going well. But I am aware that my anxiety can make me extra sensitive to situations so I am probably overreacting by being a bit upset.

DS (1yo) is a good baby, really he is. He makes noise day to day as all baby's too but he isn't much of a cryer. He also sleeps through well. Last night he woke up once at 9pm crying - I think he's teething. I went in to get him after literally 3 seconds of him crying and heard my neighbours banging on the wall. My instinct was to bang back and tell them to f* off but I didn't as I don't actually know who lives there yet. But actually I found it a bit upsetting and a bit invasive.

Aibu to think they were being ridiculous?

Tailtwister Sun 31-Mar-13 10:28:16

YANBU, they shouldn't be banging on the wall. It is rude, invasive and aggressive.

It sounds like your DS doesn't make much avoidable noise. Unfortunately crying is just a fact of life with children and there's very little you can do about that.

I wouldn't be aggressive back as that's unlikely to get you anywhere and might make the problem worse. Do you feel comfortable going round to speak to them?

RainbowsFriend Sun 31-Mar-13 10:28:45

Baby noise is part of life and as long as you're not leaving him to cry then they are being unreasonable.

You would be unreasonable to tell them to F off though. How about having a conversation with them next time you see them - they may have just been having a bad night themselves?

saycheeeeeese Sun 31-Mar-13 10:29:45

Yes they were YANBU. Is it housing association or privately rented?

If HA make a complaint about them . Most normal people understand that babies cry so they sound pretty nasty to me.

HildaOgden Sun 31-Mar-13 10:29:51

Don't tell them to f* off,tell them to fuck the hell off to fucksville,and when they get there,to fuck off some more grin

Babies cry...and a brief period of crying at 9pm is absolutely nothing for them to get their knickers in a twist about.

Just ignore them,they are annoying themselves by getting uptight about it,some people just like raising their own blood pressure.

saycheeeeeese Sun 31-Mar-13 10:31:26

Or....when he cries hold him up to the wall.


Dawndonna Sun 31-Mar-13 10:32:05

Dear Neighbour.
I apologise that my son disturbed you at 9pm at night. It is, as you are aware an unusual situation but I think he is teething at the moment. I did see to him immediately, and settled him very quickly.
I wonder if you'd like to come and have a cup of tea and meet him, that way we can discuss how best to avoid situations like this arising in the future.
They'll feel like crap once they've met him.

purrpurr Sun 31-Mar-13 10:33:25

I must be immature or have really bad social skills (actually both of these are true) but I also suffer really badly from anxiety so I have much sympathy for you and, in your position, I would have thumped the wall back in reply. If you feel like it would escalate, you could have your mobile nearby with 999 keyed in. It just sounds to me like they're entitled nitwits. Don't go round there with your tail between your legs, if they think a baby crying at 9pm is unreasonable I doubt you'll be able to have a sensible conversation with them.

headlesslambrini Sun 31-Mar-13 10:35:09

they mightn't have been banging because of the crying if you got there so quickly. Maybe they were jumping of the top of the wardrobe and the banging noise was the wardrobe wobbling back into place grin

seriously though, don't get upset unless it happens again, then just have a conversation with them. they might work shifts etc so there might be a reason for them for doing this.

Kveta Sun 31-Mar-13 10:36:43

My neighbours do this. Drives me mad.

DD is not a bad baby, but in February had a nasty ear infection and did scream for about an hour in the middle of one night, despite calpol and several feeds. Cue neighbours bashing on the wall.

I went round with a bottle of wine and apologised the next day, and they were incredibly embarrassed, as they should be!!

Then this morning, at 10am, DD was screaming for about 3 minutes whilst I put her clothes on (she has chicken pox, so is miserable), and the fuckers banged on the wall again.

No wine or apologies from us this time, and if they dare make a sound ever again I will be banging on their fucking wall all night*

*may be an exaggeration.

auntpetunia Sun 31-Mar-13 11:29:31

Dear neighbour I Am sorry you felt the need to bang on the wall at 9pm when 13 month old Nonimous junior was crying due to teething, I am afraid you're going time have to get used to it.Babies cry and your banging on the wall makes it worse. Please feel free to lower your TV,STEREO (whatever it is of theirs that you can hear)as its very annoying..

Love Anne

LadyApricot Sun 31-Mar-13 12:09:10

I would definitely put a note through the door. When I lived in a flat there were many notes put through doors - I suppose it just avoids confrontation which I'm not very good at!

Mia4 Sun 31-Mar-13 12:33:57

They banged at 9pm That's ridiculous, even adding to that is the fact this was once, once that he's cried at night time.

I wouldn't bother with a note this time, i'd wait to see if they do it again. They could have had a shit day and taken it out on you, for which they'll probably be more understanding next time, or they could not give a monkeys and your note will be ignored, laughed at or responded to with a rude one back. Not all people get 'shamed' by notes, even if they ABU. Some people would react defensively and be arseholes-like my old neighbour.

YANBU but best to ignore for now and just think either they were being arsehole or having a shit time. Hopefully it was the latter and if it happens again you won't get bangs.

acceptableinthe80s Sun 31-Mar-13 12:52:31

You can borrow my can't walk must jump/leap/skip everywhere 4 yr old who gets up at 6 am if you really want to give them something to moan about. Your neighbours are in for a shock, children generally get louder the older they get!

Latara Sun 31-Mar-13 13:03:59

I would ignore the banging & try to forget about it for now; if you see the neighbours then smile & politely say ''hello'' as if nothing has happened.

If the banging carries on then that is the time to take action, but not yet as you don't know what the neighbours are like.
I only say that because i've had some aggressive neighbours & confronting them isn't always a good idea unless there's a serious issue.

YANBU to be annoyed as it was only 9pm & babies crying isn't bad as noise goes tbh.

TWinklyLittleStar Sun 31-Mar-13 13:17:58

I just don't understand people. Babies cry, end of. What do these wall-bangers expect, for you to gag your baby? When my neighbour asks if her DD's crying bothers us, I do what any normal person would do - I lie through my teeth and tell them I can't hear a thing.

Saying that, your neighbours sound very unreasonable and easily angered, so perhaps resist tell them to fuck off.

MummyPig24 Sun 31-Mar-13 13:27:48

Can't believe people bang on the wall when babies are crying! We are in a terrace and so we hear everything from one side of us. The kids screaming, parents shouting, music. That's what you get when you are joined. We are only joined at the top on the other side, there is an alley running between the two houses so we don't hear as much but I do worry my kids disturb them. They have never said anything though, nor would I say anything to them. Yanbu your neighbours are very rude.

Calabria Sun 31-Mar-13 14:05:10

I have been guilty of banging on the wall because a baby was crying on the other side of it. In my defence I was fourteen and didn't know better blush and the baby had been crying for over an hour at that point. sad

I got a right telling off from my mother and as she rightly pointed out, the baby won't stop crying just because I was banging on the wall.

YANBU to think they were ridiculous. I was lucky that I only got told off by my mother.

montmartre Sun 31-Mar-13 14:05:19

Don't let them get you down, and don't use energy worrying about them. Babies cry, particularly when teething. I hope you both have a better night tonight.
I'm sure your neighbour cried as a baby!

Shelby2010 Sun 31-Mar-13 14:19:30

Maybe Calabria has hit the nail on the head and the person banging was actually the neighbours' slightly stroppy teenager?

If they don't have a teenager or older child, then I certainly wouldn't confront them as they are clearly not reasonable people & therefore it's unlikely to achieve anything.

EllieArroway Sun 31-Mar-13 14:24:42

What's the matter with people? Your baby cries for a few moments at 9pm and they're banging on the wall? How nasty.

I am highly intolerant of other people's noise - but next door have just had a new baby who has an amazing pair of lungs on him. That's life & its no one's "fault" - that's what babies do.

If they were disturbing me with loud music I'd complain - but the baby's noise I can live with. Just like my neighbours had to cope when my DS was newborn.

Ignore the fuckers. And if they carry on banging, report them for noise pollution. Their banging is disturbing you and your child, right?

HallelujahHeisRisen Sun 31-Mar-13 16:30:11

perhaps someone ill complain about the banging. it travels further than the crying. try to ignore. just wait til you child is old enough to work out that by jumping on the floor he can get the neighbours to shout/bang. blush

HallelujahHeisRisen Sun 31-Mar-13 16:30:34

will complain

ladyintheradiator Sun 31-Mar-13 16:35:15

This happened to me. I confronted my neighbour and said that whilst I'm sure he doesn't go out if his way to annoy me with noise, nonetheless I do hear him at times, and that likewise my children are not trying to piss him off...but that his banging on the wall was nothing less than antagonistic, aggressive and intimidating. He was embarrassed and denied it. Then admitted it and apologised, and we got on well after that.

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