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to be getting embarrassed now at my 3yos behaviour?

(37 Posts)
AllPurposeNortherner Sat 30-Mar-13 23:51:24

Seriously. Today she hit my mums birthday cake and sent slices flying, because her slice wasn't coming fast enough.

I've tried all sorts. People say she is just being three to my face, but i see them rolling their eyes.

She strips off randomly (when she was a toddler at one point she was going to bed with packing tape on her nappy, two vests and a backwards sleepsuit and STILL getting naked and smearing poo)

She has HUGE tantrums, involving running about throwing things and ripping up paper etc, usually for hardly any reason except her being tired

She still has a bottle at night, because that and her smelly blanket is the only way I get a couple of hours peace before she comes into my bed and kicks me/shoves blanket in my face/hits me with books until she suddenly conks out asleep.

She randomly attacks 6yo DD1, pulling her hair, so much that I am starting to consider telling DD1 to hit back, which is no good for anyone.

She is very loving, and funny, and will chat about Thomas or pretend to be a dog for hours on end, but her temper is getting me down and starting to mean that other children are wary of her.


AllPurposeNortherner Sun 31-Mar-13 11:23:33

How do I get referrals without making a big deal of it for the girls?

AgentZigzag Sun 31-Mar-13 11:26:09

The DD did the poo smearing thing when she was a toddler, the OP didn't say she still did it (unless I've missed it somewhere).

Stripping off isn't unusual, they're just learning how to get dressed/undressed and most parents are encouraging them to do it. The OPs DD has to learn where it's an appropriate time, i.e. when her mum tells her to.

And it's not OK to encourage a 6 YO to hit their 3 YO sibling, even if you tried to dress it up as her defending herself, it's the OPs job to sort it out.

'DD2 knocks me over sometimes with the strength that she runs at me for a cuddle.'

My 3.3 YO DD2 does that as well grin but I'm sorry to read you've just split with their dad though, be kind to yourself smile

dietstartstmoz Sun 31-Mar-13 11:57:20

we just made a Dr's appointment, just mentioned we had concerns etc to the Dr. Was no issue with the Dr, we didnt have to argue, she just made the referral and we waited for the appt. Could you just say to your girls it's an appointment to check how they're growing/developing. DS does not know he has ASD yet, he is aged 5 and at the moment we havent needed to tell him. When we have development checks at the hosp with the paed we tell him its a growing check. TBH he isnt really that aware, and would not think to question it or what we are doing. He would just accept it at the moment.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Sun 31-Mar-13 11:58:13 go to the GP and tell him or her everything. You don't need to take the girls with you. If the GP thinks your concerns are reasonable, they will get you an assessment.

It can take a while and assessments are made to seem like fun for the DC. They child won't know what's happening. Usually it's questions for you and some playing/chatting for the DC.

lisad123everybodydancenow Sun 31-Mar-13 12:09:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KittyAndTheFontanelles Sun 31-Mar-13 13:44:38

oh Blimey, can I apologise for my post below. I've just noticed it in my 'threads I'm on'. I wasn't even reading this thread. I can only think my baby got hold of my phone. It's happened before.

Sorry smile

KittyAndTheFontanelles Sun 31-Mar-13 13:56:23

Before anyone wonders how my baby can negotiate square brackets etc, I'm on the Android app so the faces appear at the touch of the screen.

Didn't want the post to be thought of as disrespectful. I'll leave now.

formicaqueen Sun 31-Mar-13 14:02:41

Look on the national autistic website. It's great. It might clarify things for you a little.

Agree with you that smacking is not the answer.

But also look at the discipline you are using. Super nanny style works wonders if it's done with fairness, calmness and love. If my young ones are physically violent, it's a no brainer for us. They go to their room for 3 mins untill they have calmed down.

Time out for us is always on the naughty step but if they get off they have to go to their room instead. They are very good at staying on the step now as a result.

Is you child getting lots of attention when she behaves badly? If safe, you need to walk away or do time out - inside your home or out in public. If that fails, take the child home instantly giving little attention but clearly explain why you are leaving a play date/park etc.

Also you may find school works wonders. Boundaries and structure once settled.

Make sure you are are all getting enough sleep. Mine tend to be grumpy when they go to bed later or wake during the night. It might be worth you cracking the sleep thing. She obviously wants to be close to you at night so how about making her a special little bed on the floor in your room? Maybe you could give her a little chocolate button for staying in the little bed on your floor all night? I recon 50% of your issue is sleep related!

Also lastly, be upbeat/positive/fun yourself. Children always pick up on what ever emotion you have and take it on them selves.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Sun 31-Mar-13 15:04:01

Her behaviour sounds extremely challenging and not 'average'. I hope you can get some help soon as it must be very hard or you.

AllPurposeNortherner Sun 31-Mar-13 21:10:07

What does super nanny do if a child is screaming, running about, bashing themselves off things, breaking siblings toys, attacking people etc?

Shes so lovely, but so strong, and she really hurts sometimes.

She is like Jekyll and Hyde tough - most of the time she is sweet and funny, but I find myself hovering with my best 'blocking moves' if she is near anything breakable or a smaller child.

spongebobandpatrick Sun 31-Mar-13 21:33:32

I agree with the posters advising you to go and see your GP.
There is a lot of behaviour you mention that could be seen to be within the usual remit for a 3 year old, but it is the severity and the regularity that determines whether it goes beyond normal or not.

If I was to tell you that my 4 yr old DD can be aggressive, chants and smears poo, you may think that was within the usual range of behaviour for a 4 year old, if it was on the odd occasion. No one would suggest to me that DD was behaving in an unusual manner if she pushed someone over 5 months ago, and nothing since then, smeared poo onto her wall 2 years ago once and never did it again, and chanted quietly for a few minutes when told her behaviour was unacceptable, but most of the time, she was a delight, and generally did as she was asked most of the time.

but if I added that DD is aggressive so often that she is being threatened with exclusion from school, chants at the top of her voice for hours and hours on end (and her voice is very very loud), and smears poo 3 or 4 times a week, would you say the average 4 year old behaved this way?

A limited amount of most behaviours is within the usual range for a 3 year old, so long as it is not constant, ongoing, relentless, every day sort of regularity.

It is usual for a 3 year old to lose their temper, but to the point that other children are becoming wary of her? I'd say that sounds like it is happening on a regular basis, and depending on how often these undesired behaviours occur, that is why I would consult a GP.

Inseywinseyupthespout Sun 31-Mar-13 21:44:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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