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To tell dh I'd rather he didn't go out tonight

(327 Posts)
orderinformation Sat 30-Mar-13 21:49:57

Got home at 9.00pm as been visiting family. Both kids fell asleep in car and we carried them up to bed. I said I'm also going to bed as bad night last night with both kids waking and also clocks change tonight so we lose an hour.

Anyway ten mins ago he says in that case would I mind if he goes out.

I said I do mind because:

- I will not sleep properly until he's safely home which if he's going now means after midnight at least thus negating the early night

- I do night wakings as he is very heavy sleeper and never wakes so I would end up waking him up to do it and we'd both be knackered so instead he takes dc downstairs at 7am and I catch up for hour or two. Partic need this at moment as dc2 is three months. But if dh not home until late either he does this still but spends tomorrow knackered. Which you might say is not my problem but it is if it ruins our family Easter day or he needs afternoon sleep. Or I don't get my lie in catch up which is fine if tonight is ok but not if it's another bad one.

So I said in all honesty because I am so tired I'd prefer him not to and he said ok but is now downstairs sulking and I am upstairs feeling bad though am bf and then going to sleep and at least won't be lying here awake until he's safely home.


hwjm1945 Sat 30-Mar-13 21:52:23

Am surprised he has the energy to go out.with little ones it is a case of batten down the hatches and help each other with I donut think ubu

Lulabellarama Sat 30-Mar-13 21:52:48

Sorry but YABU
You need to get over not being able to sleep until he's home, it's pretty controlling. You're a grown woman.

GirlOutNumbered Sat 30-Mar-13 21:54:33

Why can't you sleep while he's out? What do you think will happen? It seems a shame he just has to sit in while you are asleep upstairs!

OHforDUCKScake Sat 30-Mar-13 21:57:28


Numberlock Sat 30-Mar-13 21:59:15

It's a rare 4 day weekend, surely he can have 1 night out? Don't understand at all.

tinkertitonk Sat 30-Mar-13 22:00:21


Puddlelane Sat 30-Mar-13 22:01:52

I'm in your shoes right now and I don't think you are being unreasonable

500internalerror Sat 30-Mar-13 22:02:10

Err, did you not sleep at all in your life until you met him then? confused If you're tired, it's the perfect night for him to go out, as you wouldn't be staying awake with him anyway.

WorraLiberty Sat 30-Mar-13 22:02:35


It's not really his problem if you can't sleep properly until he gets home.

As long as he gets up with the DC in the morning, I dont' know why you're imposing a restriction on him?

AnOeufUniversallyEggnowledged Sat 30-Mar-13 22:02:49

Hmmm. Tricky one. I think you know YABU, but I feel similarly to you when DH goes out and I'm knackered. I don't sleep properly until he's home (possibly as I feel I'm 'on duty' or something? It's not about being 'controlling' hmm)

Our compromise is that if he goes out he still gets up with DS in the morning, takes him downstairs, sticks telly on, snoozes on sofa, etc, so that I can get my lie in, then later in the day when he needs a rest I'll take DS to soft play or to my mum's so that DH can chill out. He's pretty good though, he knows that a hangover is not an excuse for being grumpy! Would something like that work for you?

Nirvana1999 Sat 30-Mar-13 22:03:30

I expect there is probably more to it. I don't see the problem tbh.

LaQueen Sat 30-Mar-13 22:03:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hwjm1945 Sat 30-Mar-13 22:05:12

Out of interest where would he go?

pictish Sat 30-Mar-13 22:05:56

Going on your reason, yabu.
The fact that you can't sleep till he gets in is your issue....and it's up to him if he wants to be knackered tomorrow isn't it?

MySpecialistSubjectIsMN Sat 30-Mar-13 22:07:02

If I was your husband I'd be mightily unimpressed at sitting downstairs alone, while you were asleep upstairs.

Could you really not sleep if he went down the pub for an hour or two? I age that if you've still got waking babes during the night that he shouldn't go out and get steaming drunk, but going out for a couple shouldn't be a problem? Doesn't sound like he was going to turn it into a heavy night.

RatPants Sat 30-Mar-13 22:09:31

Yeah sorry but YABU from me too.

You were going to bed anyway so he'd only be sitting up by himself. I know you appreciate the help but a few hours won't hurt. You need your sleep now more than ever so you need to tackle the not being able to sleep without him thing if possible.

Bluelightsandsirens Sat 30-Mar-13 22:11:27

Sorry yabu, if you are going straight to sleep he should be able to out if he wants to as long as still does his share in the morning.

Or is it because you don't trust him to go out for a few hours and come home in a reasonable state so he can then have Easter Sunday with a normal routine?

Lack of sleep is dreadful and your baby is still small so I'm assuming that is why you are being sensitive over being home alone rather than controlling.

ruledbyheart Sat 30-Mar-13 22:12:26

I can see your point and YANBU
If your dp goes out he will be tired and cranky tomorrow so why should he be allowed to ruin easter Sunday, and also I can't sleep without my DP either, mines out of habit and its a strange feeling having an empty bed, he now works evenings and sometimes doesn't get back until 1am I sleep without him but not fully, plus who wants to be disturbed by their partner coming to bed late at night?

AgentZigzag Sat 30-Mar-13 22:13:02

As terrible as it is to not get enough kip in, it does sound unreasonable to not 'allow' him to go out.

I know he asked and you gave him your honest opinion, but the reasons are scraping the barrel a bit.

BoringTheBuilder Sat 30-Mar-13 22:14:30

But Why can't he drink at home watching TV
Some people go to the pub and start enjoying themselves, forget about the time, spend too much, drink too much, come home smelling and is useless following day
I am with OP. Stay at home with your family. Wake up fresh.

AgentZigzag Sat 30-Mar-13 22:14:49

Is the risk of him 'ruining Easter Sunday' overhyping how most people feel about The Day? grin

RevoltingPeasant Sat 30-Mar-13 22:16:23

I'm with Universally Egg'd - you need to specify that he can do whatever he wants as long as he gets up tomorrow with DC.

DH went for a rare big piss-up with mates the other night. I said it would be nice if he could be up between 12 and 1 so the day wasn't lost. Can't you make a similar arrangement?

In my case I enforced it by sitting on him until he got up waking him gently at 1pm.

BoringTheBuilder Sat 30-Mar-13 22:18:34

But why should OP stay at home alone in charge of the kids and worried about having another bad night and her husband can go to the pub and enjoy himself?

RatPants Sat 30-Mar-13 22:19:19

Who wants to drink alone on front of the tv? Surely you go out to socialise rather than just drink although obviously drinking is a part of that for a lot of people. His family are all in bed asleep.

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