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to wonder if my bf is an alcoholic?

(31 Posts)
lovemydogs Sat 30-Mar-13 17:18:23

He drinks every night - to be fair not till 5 or 6pm but then he will drink until may 10pm or what ever time he goes to bed - 2 cans of beer and at least a bottle of wine, maybe more.
He doesn't drink spirits and doesn't drink in the day but I wonder if this is still a drink problem. He admits he drinks alot, says he admires me that I am not really interested in alcohol - maybe one glass of wine a month if I fancy it with dinner, and says he wishes he could have a couple of dry nights a week but that he enjoys a drink daily. Ironically he is a daily gym-goer every morning.
But it is boring sitting with someone when they are drinking nightly, not wanting sex, just watching tv and if there is every any emergency he would be no use. If I am not seeing him in the evening, it is pointless trying to have a conversation on the phone after say 7pm as he has had a few by then and is irritable and impatient.
Anyone been in a similar situation? Thanks

zwischenzug Sat 30-Mar-13 17:22:13

Not sure whether or not that fits the definition of alcoholism but he deffo has a problem.

SomethingOnce Sat 30-Mar-13 17:26:45

I agree - definitely a problematic relationship with alcohol. I couldn't tolerate living with somebody who did that.

Do you have DC?

HavingALittleFaithBaby Sat 30-Mar-13 17:30:09

If he says he wishes he could have a couple of dry nights a week but can't, then yes, it sounds like he has a dependency on it.

lovemydogs Sat 30-Mar-13 17:33:44

No I have no children - am in my 40s he is 60 with one grown up child.

lovemydogs Sat 30-Mar-13 17:34:27

Sorry to clarify we do not live together - we each have own house

noddyholder Sat 30-Mar-13 17:35:19

What he drinks and the times is irrelevant Its what it does to him and whether or not he is controlled by it

AuntieStella Sat 30-Mar-13 17:36:56

How long have yo been together?

Irrespective of the regular drinking, it doesn't sound as if you're getting much joy from this relationship if much of it is spent on the sofa with the telly.

Hesterton Sat 30-Mar-13 17:37:28

If he is like that every night, what do you get out of the relationship?

UnChartered Sat 30-Mar-13 17:38:55

agree with noddy

but the fact he can't have a dry night worries me too, does he drive or does he rely on you for lifts?

i totally understand about trying to have a conversation with someone who is drunk and irrational

i haven't spoken to my sister since last year because any time she calls she is drunk and often spoiling for a fight - other times she never answered her phone...

lovemydogs Sat 30-Mar-13 17:39:22

He is good company and fun during the day just after 6pm - he isn't nasty when he has had a drink just boring

JamieandtheMagicTorch Sat 30-Mar-13 17:39:43

He drinks more than is healthy.

He wishes he could cut down

It is affecting his relationships and his ability to function

I'd say yes, he is an alcoholic

UnChartered Sat 30-Mar-13 17:40:42

you say in your OP that 'after 7pm ... he's irritable and impatient'...

tiggytape Sat 30-Mar-13 17:52:54

You don't have to be pouring vodka on to your cornflakes to be an alcoholic.

The fact is he is drinking 4 or 5 times what is healthy week in, week out (he's on nearly 100 units a week), it affects his relationship and he wants to cut down but can't. All of those are bad signs and combined means he is alcohol dependent. It sounds like he realises this to some degree as well. Does he actually want to cut down?

austenozzy Sat 30-Mar-13 17:59:09

sounds like an old friend of mine who swore he could stop if he wanted to. he died several years ago in his mid 30s. he has a problem if he cannot change what is clearly an unhealthy pattern.

HotCrossPun Sat 30-Mar-13 18:13:04

When he says that he wishes he could have 'a few dry nights a week' - what does he give as his reason for not doing so?

lovemydogs Sat 30-Mar-13 18:15:15

I do not think he wants to cut down. He is 60 and has been this way for 40 years. I worry he will die an early death. He has a great job, plenty of money and loves his drink - why change he says? He will have 2 pints and drive - I think that may well be over the limit. It seems to dicatate what we do if we see each other in the evenings - stay in, he drinks, watch tv. Any sex, which is rare, would have to be during a weekend daytime, no theatre, cinema in the evening. If he is late getting home, he would still drink as much. Nothing makes him cut down, not even flu. He is never violent but I can tell he is more impatient with me after a drink - he can be impatient with me anyway.
Thank you everyone for you posts. I need to think about it all

appletarts Sat 30-Mar-13 18:19:45

I'd say he has a problem and a fair amount of denial.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Sat 30-Mar-13 18:22:17

He sounds incredibly boring, TBH. Do you think he is drinking to deal With stress/ depression? The problem is, alcohol js a depressant as well. Does drinking affect his sexual functioning?

Tbh anyone who can't not drink in order to be a safe driver, has a problem.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Sat 30-Mar-13 18:26:44

FIL is like this, has and will never change

lovemydogs Sat 30-Mar-13 18:33:20

I don't think he has stress or depression - he has been like this for 40 years - I love my gym, he loves his drinking - I think it is 'part of him' - addictions can be a like a faithful friend - because his drinking does not affect his exercise regime or job for example I do not think he would change - he has been this way for two thirds of his life. He knows about all the health risks but would rather enjoy himself now than live to 80. I am depressing myself just typing this. Thank you for your advice and opinions.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Sat 30-Mar-13 18:40:47

Have you been with him for a long time?

ImagineJL Sat 30-Mar-13 18:44:52

I think he's an alcoholic. That quantity, daily, and an inability to stop - it adds upto a significant drink problem

PenelopePisstop Sat 30-Mar-13 18:52:43

He appears to be alcohol dependant. Alcohol is a problem when it's costing you more than money, which I think for him it is - relationship?

That said there really is nothing you can do. My guess, from what you have said, is that he will chose alcohol over you any time. For him, at present there really are no consequences to his drinking, so he can't stop until he wants to.

expatinscotland Sat 30-Mar-13 18:55:02

Why are you with this person? Regardless of what he drinks, you sound miserable. As you are not living together and it sounds like you have no children together, what is the point?

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