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OMG son and porn what do i do???????

(78 Posts)
motherhen1949 Sat 30-Mar-13 15:13:46

Hi please don't judge me I just need some support.

right over the weekend my son has been away but left his phone at home as he only takes it if he's gonna be out alone (its not a Internet ready phone very basic btw) so husband was having a quick flick through his phone which we do now and again, oh finds a variation code for Goole straight way oh says this if for a email account.

so when ds gets back I confront him about a Hotmail account he admits it says he wanted to go one you tube, I made it clear that I didn't approve of this email account and demanded I view it (he started to looked very worried but gave the password ect when me and oh went on not only had some boy sent my ds 90 or so clips of porn(the manga carton kind)not that it makes it any betterconfused

also he had two people we didn't know one was a grown man shock that that gotton to my son through the popular game website road block.

just to add before I get flamed we are not careless we the PC DOWNSTAIRS, IN THE KITCHEN WE ALSO HAVE PARENTAL CONTROLS WE HAVE AGE RESTRICTIONS AND ALSO A EMAIL ALRET SYSTEM COUPLE WITH A TIMER

THE mistakes we made were allowing dd to have a hour in the Morning when were having a lie in
and also the controls would not work on links sent to him via email sad

I feel awful and I am going to give myself a biscuit I really felt we had done all the safe guards

AngelWreakinHavoc Sat 30-Mar-13 15:15:45

How old is Your Ds?

HeySoulSister Sat 30-Mar-13 15:16:12

What do you mean 2 people had gotten to your son?

How old is he?

Hesterton Sat 30-Mar-13 15:16:17

How old is he?

Really it sounds like you have been very careful, but it is so easy to access that stuff now.

motherhen1949 Sat 30-Mar-13 15:19:09

btw ds is (13) so oh has now added 15 different variety of email accounts to the band list we have also blocked the said gaming site he was on and moved the time he can get on line to 1pm on weekends when we will up and about.

I have also sent a email from my sons account before we deleted them to every one including the ransoms that for the boys who attend my ds school if they send my son anything like this again I will be printing the stuff off and taking it to the school and to the randoms from the gaming site that my ds is 13 and any attempt to contact him will be taken as a attempt a grooming and we will go to the police.

I feel like shit has my child been ruined luckily this filth has only recently been sent to him and has not been happening for ages oh checked the computer memory

StrawberriesTasteLikeLipsDo Sat 30-Mar-13 15:21:09

biscuit

motherhen1949 Sat 30-Mar-13 15:21:11

he is (13) there were boys from his school but also two random people we could not place and ds only knew them from on line hmm

ffs I cant even look at him I sent him up stairs although its still bad I am glad its not "real people porn"

motherhen1949 Sat 30-Mar-13 15:21:46

oh and I gonna give my self and oh another biscuit

AuntieStella Sat 30-Mar-13 15:24:43

By the time a DC is in their teens, they'll probably be able to get around most technological means to filter dubious content to devices.

That's why education on safe use of internet is vital (including parameters for online friendships) and wider education on what is wrong with eg porn (whether online, on DVD, on paper or on display in RL).

HeySoulSister Sat 30-Mar-13 15:24:48

You need to calm down.

People he 'doesn't know' is par for the course when you go online. It's not being groomed by simply having a conversation online!! And you are humiliating him by contacting his friends.

Flisspaps Sat 30-Mar-13 15:27:21

No, your child hasn't been ruined. Stop panicking.

Strangemagic Sat 30-Mar-13 15:27:50

Slow down,you are on the way to totally humiliating him,if you are not careful he is going to start not telling you anything.

motherhen1949 Sat 30-Mar-13 15:29:56

I just feel so biscuitbiscuitbiscuitbiscuitbiscuitbiscuitbiscuitbiscuitbiscuitbiscuitbiscuit

tbh I think I need a glass on vino and its not even 7pm

TrippingTheLifeFantastic Sat 30-Mar-13 15:31:37

I'm sorry but I think you are overreacting. He is not ruined. He's 13 and curious. And emailing everyone in his contact list is horrible - he must be humiliated. Perhaps instead of shaming him for being curious you could have a candid chat with him about sex and the porn industry.

motherhen1949 Sat 30-Mar-13 15:33:51

I also think that to

that's why I gave myself biscuit I feel shit I have not handled this well I don't want a flaming just some brew sympathy

fuckwittery Sat 30-Mar-13 15:34:41

You've contacted two men from a game site who have just added your son as a friend whatever, they haven't actually SENT him anything and said any other attempt to contact your son will be taken as grooming???? You are waaaaaay OTT.

TheNebulousBoojum Sat 30-Mar-13 15:36:02

Problem with manga porn is it often slips through age filters, because it is drawn and not 'real'
I do agree with Soul sister, that having online conversations about shared interests (!) does not necessarily mean grooming. If he's watching 18+ manga, then he's going to encounter a very different set of posters to that on Club Penguin.
Best way is to have his computer access in a location you can see, and your OH seems on the ball with time limits so that there's no sneaking down at 3am.
Your child hasn't been ruined, he's 13 and will discover all sorts of non-childlike pasttimes in the next few years. smile
Is he your oldest boy? Mine's 18, there have been a few blips along the way, but he's fine and has developed a better sense of what is and is not ok.
All will be well, truly.

TrippingTheLifeFantastic Sat 30-Mar-13 15:37:18

You probably shouldn't have posted this in aibu if you didn't want people's frank opinions. Maybe ask MNHQ to move it?

ClippedPhoenix Sat 30-Mar-13 15:37:32

Blimey. What on earth is the matter with you? As the others said, he's 13 and curious.

Flobbadobs Sat 30-Mar-13 15:37:59

You need to stop panicking and talk to him. I did a regular check on Ds's tablet last week and found porn from a site apparently recommended to him by friends. We have controls etc but it's easy to circumvent them if you know how. (He's 12 btw). My first reaction was to go nuts at him but I calmed down and actually spoke to him about it in a calm way.
I would tell him he does not talk to anyone online until he has regained your trust for a start, you will be regularly checking his history/email etc and give him a good talking to about internet safety and the types of sites that show this stuff can lead to other nastier sites.
He's not ruined, he was curious and looking. It's now up to you to let him know that it wasn't acceptable without making him feel so ashamed that you can't even look at him.
Doublecheck your filter btw, a google search of images can sometimes throw up images that you would rather not see. But most of all calm down, he hasn't murdered anyone!

knackeredmother Sat 30-Mar-13 15:38:17

I may be way off the mark here but is it not normal for teenage boyars to be curious and have a look at porn? You appear to be massively over reacting and very strict. Poor lad.

motherhen1949 Sat 30-Mar-13 15:38:23

the issue is I don't actually know who sent him the porn clips he says its one on the boys from his school but who the frigg knows since he sent up a account with out me knowing in the first place he's not really trust worthy at the moment.
and I am a bot why two grown men are adding my son (13) as a friend

I feel pants ,he feels pants confused

Flobbadobs Sat 30-Mar-13 15:39:22

Many xposts there.. smile

motherhen1949 Sat 30-Mar-13 15:39:49

Flobbadobs thanks so its just not my son then

TheNebulousBoojum Sat 30-Mar-13 15:40:02

It's a shock the first time you come across your baby doing something that shows they are growing up and managing to discover adolescent stuff.
Give the OP a break, yes she over-reacted but she's calmed down and seen that.
Can't keep 'em in the nest forever.

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