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To find it odd and hurtful that my DM is always telling me that my DB is 'better' than me?

(7 Posts)
redpickle Sat 30-Mar-13 15:10:21

She has always favoured him and I accept that's the way it is but I get really fed up with the showing off on his behalf. I've just had her over. She was at his new house yesterday so I've had over an hour of her telling me how great the place is, how this is bigger and that is better than my house. She said "he's got the same kitchen units as you but he hates them and is going to change them, and the same flooring and he hates that too". We live in a rural village but apparently he lives in the 'real' countryside. She has done it all our lives and we don't really have much of a relationship (me and DB) and I think it's partly due to her driving this wedge between us. I've always done quite well academically and worked hard. I have two lovely children and a nice house. DB was a bit of a waster for a while (over-indulged by parents so never told to pull his socks up) and although he's older he's always been immature. He calls the shots and they hang on his every word. I did say something a few years ago and I was just told that I'm competitive! I find it bizarre, I'd never pit my children against each other. So AIBU to think its out of order or do all parents tell their children how great their siblings are?

LadyMedea Sat 30-Mar-13 15:30:20

YANBU unreasonable it's a crappy thing to do... I don't think you're alone though....

You do have the right to speak up. We are all far too polite in this country

TheAccidentalEgghibitionist Sat 30-Mar-13 15:31:31

YANBU
My DMIL does this to my DH. Midn you she brags to everyone about jer other son, not just us.
Being treated as second best can never be good. It's good that you know better with your DC though.

TheAccidentalEgghibitionist Sat 30-Mar-13 15:31:59

Bloody autocorrect, I can spell, really.

Mumsyblouse Sat 30-Mar-13 15:36:42

I would call it as it is, just say 'wow, mum, it sounds like you are trying to say there's something wrong with my cupboards, is that what you are saying?' or 'you seem to be implying I don't live in the countryside, is that what you mean?' She will then be embarassed as the whole performance depends on you not calling her on it.

If you don't fancy that route, how about 'hmmm, that's nice' to every boast. What a shame it has affected your brother's and yours relationship given that he is not the one boasting though.

CatAndFiddle Sat 30-Mar-13 16:07:29

YANBU, it is out of order. Sounds just like my mother; she has an established pecking order for all her DC, and will belittle you mercilessly if you try to step outside it. (i.e. she was not pleased about my recent promotion as my salary is now encroaching upon that of my DB....so proceeded to spend the rest of the day telling me how basic/easy my job was).

The comments can be hurtful but I have found that laughing them off is the best way to deal it....I can tell it infuriates her that I carry on regardless. Mwah ha ha! grin

I live 100 miles away though....if she lived round the corner I would probably have snapped and given her a piece of my mind by now.

LimboLil Sat 30-Mar-13 16:16:32

Annoying isn't it. At least you only have one sibling, I have four. My mum does it with all of us and stirs up a lot of trouble or bad feeling I think. Unfortunately it extends to nieces and nephews too. I visit her once a week. The trouble is, she has nothing else in her life except family, so that is literally the only thing she has to talk about. She does play us off against each other and subsequently we are not close. I've lost count of the horrible things she's said to me over the years, it literally is too numerous. I have no advice for you really. My mum is recently widowed too, so the guilt if you don't visit is there too. Every week it drags me down.

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