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To be annoyed that ds has been left upset by end of term 'treat'?

(53 Posts)
lecce Thu 28-Mar-13 19:48:28

He is in a mixed class of Yrs 1&2 and they watched 'Matilda' today. At bedtime ds (just 6 Yr1) became quiet and withdrawn and said he couldn't get the scary teacher from the film out of his head. He stayed quiet throughout his story and put his head under the blanket when I left (he ALWAYS reads himself when I go, but not tonight).

What really annoys me is that he says he did tell the teacher he was finding it scary and she just said, "it's alright." Well, it wasn't, was it? AIBU to think she could have offered him another activity to do, maybe in the quiet corner away from the screen? I am a teacher (secondary) and have been known to crack open the dvds at the end of term, so I know exactly how she will have been feeling today, and I am very happy for him to enjoy watching a film with his peers, but surely she could have been more caring? She sounds cold and dismissive, from what ds says. He has only been in the school since Feb, so we don't know her well, but ds says she shouts a lot.

Surely he's not the only 5/6 who wouldn't enjoy Matilda? There are so many other films that I'm sure the whole range of 5-7 year olds could have enjoyed together - why pick this one?

AIBU to think that the film should not have been chosen in the first place, and that the teacher should have done more when ds told her he was scared? He's had problems finding playmates at breaktimes and I'm always encouraging him to tell an adult and now, when he does tell an adult something, he's given the brush off. angry.

myBOYSareBONKERS Fri 29-Mar-13 08:04:27

I have this same issue. My son has ASD and in year 5. There is one Christmas film that he is terrified of and runs out screaming and the mear mention of it.

SO they didn't put it on once at Christmas but TWICE in the same week despite knowing his reaction. Fortunately a friend works at the school and told the teacher (I was unaware of the film as ours do not ask permission) that it was unfair . . . . . . so he was allowed the treat of cleaning up other peoples mess in the hall after lunch.

complexnumber Fri 29-Mar-13 08:01:07

That's very gracious of you lecce. I'm not rude and judgey, just knackered and grumpy.

Enjoy your hols as well.

lecce Fri 29-Mar-13 07:45:57

Thanks, complex. Our whole dept fell out with each other yesterday, 'tis good old end-of-term tiredness smile. Have a good holiday!

complexnumber Fri 29-Mar-13 07:42:46

I'm sorry for being such a judgemental twat yesterday lecce.

Your reasons for showing the odd DVD are, of course, perfectly acceptable.

I'm not normally that snappy, honest!

lecce Fri 29-Mar-13 07:38:46

Well, in the interests of fairness and honesty, I will update. Ds came into oiur room still a bit upset this morning and said that he still couldn't stop thinking about it. I asked him again what 'the teacher' had said, but this time used her name (Ican't have last night). Turns out it wasn't his teacher in there with him but a TA from another class! So much for all my comments about how we didn't like her much anyway blush. He also said that the ta hadn't offered him another activity but that she had been 'nice' and that HE had told her he was ok really and would look away when Mrs T was on! Double blush. He then went to on to recount his favourite funny bit with the dad and said he'd like to see it again with me!

I do still think they shouldn't be showing PG films so will have a word about that, and maybe query whether enough staff were around to deal with any pupils who didn't like it - sounds like they'd put two classes together. Fine, but they sould have chosen a safer film.

ProphetOfDoom Fri 29-Mar-13 07:36:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fuzzpig Fri 29-Mar-13 07:23:57

Sorry by 'she' I mean 5yo DD (who is quite sensitive)

fuzzpig Fri 29-Mar-13 07:22:39

I don't mind DCs watching DVDs in school as long as it isn't too often. However I think they should stick to U rated films. There's plenty of choice within that range, it's not like it means sticking to Peppa Pig or something.

The whole point of PGs is 'parental guidance' and although teachers are in loco parentis they won't necessarily be able to 'parent' that many pupils (in the sense of comforting them, explaining difficult bits of the film etc) so surely it's just more sensible to only choose from U films.

Mind you some ratings are a bit 'off' IMO. For example DH and I were all set to have a word with the lovely yr1 teacher when we managed to work out that the film she was talking about having watched in class was Labyrinth - we were really surprised to see it was a U not a PG. DH loves it but we both think it's quite a freaky film. Not least David Bowie's trousers <shudder>

Bluebell99 Fri 29-Mar-13 07:08:15

At my children's primary, they are only allowed to bring in "U" films for end of term watching, and this has been the case throughout the school, even in year 6. I would complain and email the head.

shoppingbagsundereyes Fri 29-Mar-13 06:55:27

Shouldn't not wouldn't

shoppingbagsundereyes Fri 29-Mar-13 06:55:09

I think that schools wouldn't show PG films to 5 yr olds. My nearly 7 yr old often finds PG films too scary. U films are the only ones I would show him with confidence.

vertex Thu 28-Mar-13 23:54:07

LittleBairn to see we were furious was an understatement. We had it out with the Teacher and the Head but the attitude was simply that out of 20 children 'only ours and a couple of others' had become upset by it !

We ultimately elected to go elsewhere but even now the Gruffalo can bring back bad memories.

Why do they risk upsetting their charges ?

LittleBairn Thu 28-Mar-13 23:47:58

WTF vertex I would be furious about that! For one thing I would be seriously concerned the people involved showed lack of Judgement and sensitivity to be in charge of small children.

vertex Thu 28-Mar-13 23:37:47

The worst thing was when the nursery staff took our child and his classmates for a walk in the woods having just read them the Gruffalo and then without warning another member of staff dressed as the Gruffalo jumped out from behind a bush ! The staff thought it was a fun thing to do. We had nearly a month of a child too scared to sleep.

LittleBairn Thu 28-Mar-13 23:36:07

I know many kids year 1 and above that are scared by Matilda. It is usually the ones that aren't frightened of monsters and who are more logical. They realise that RL people can be mean therefore they think there is a chance Mrs Trunchbull might turn up at their school.

montmartre Thu 28-Mar-13 23:31:29

I agree nars- it really annoys me. My youngest has spend most of yesterday, and seemingly today too watching dvds hmm he'd have been just as happy (if not even happier actually) running around the playground, or playing with lego, dressing up, etc etc inside.

nars Thu 28-Mar-13 21:57:56

why on earth do schools feel the need to show films to children at all? all the great amenitities at their fingertips yet they always choose the easy option of bunging on a dvd.

then they moan that children spend too much time watching tv!

jamdonut Thu 28-Mar-13 21:55:30

I'm surprised they showed Matilda to year 1 ,to be honest. And I am sure it is a PG, so it shouldn't have been shown really.

We watched Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory with Yr 3/4, but only because Charlie and the Chocolate Factory had been our topic this half term. That was our end of term treat last Friday. If children are upset, they can usually go and sit with a teacher or TA in the corridor and do something else.

Iamcountingto3 Thu 28-Mar-13 21:54:14

I watched Matilda with ds & dd last weekend (we went to see the musical the week before, which incidentally is utterly fantastic). Both of them needed to snuggle up to me and have a cuddle/hide behind a cushion in the scary bits. They are 7 and 9 years old!
Now granted, ds is very, very easily scared - but Trunchbull is very scary indeed. And there are some upsetting/complex ideas in there too (not being loved or cared for by your parents in particular, life not always being fair etc)

I don't think your response is unreasonable - ds has always struggled with this issue as he often finds the 'apparently safe' films show very scary (from Ice Age to Nemo...). Come to think of it, he burst into tears singing Puff the magic dragon too in Y1 too.... BUT the difference is whenever it happened, his teachers had been aware, warned me what had happened, and I knew he'd had a reassuring hug smile

FairyJen Thu 28-Mar-13 21:45:14

I dot get the fascination with showing all Disney stuff etc anyway. My dad teaches primary year 6 and shows good old fashioned fil
S such as singing in the rain and other musicals! No nightmares there.

lecce Thu 28-Mar-13 21:38:56

Well complex, that's an arguable point, isn't it? For one, it depends on the ethos of your school - if it is 'the done thing' then there is little point in trying to be the one teacher who tries to carry on as normal when no one else has. Secondly, I teach English so often (not always) said dvd is a film of a text we have read. Thirdly, if we have finished a topic and pupils have worked hard on an assessment, I see no point in beginning a new topic on the last day of term.

Yes, I couild spend time creating a quiz or something but I teach a subject with a HUGE marking load, have a tiny TLR with a massive workload attached to it and have had experience of creating quizzes etc that pupils have turned their noses up at. I do a bloody good job pretty much the whole year round. I have weighed up what pupils will gain from doing a 'fun' activity with what I (and my family) will gain from my not doing that and putting films on and marking while they are on, and I am happy that I am making the right choice.

YellowandGreenandRedandBlue Thu 28-Mar-13 21:38:08

PG not suitable, they should show U films. And if a child is scared, the child should be able to do something else.

Write down all the pertinent facts and complain to the head in writing on first day of term.

I am sure he will be ok soon as the film is not horrendous, but it is not ok and should not have happened.

Lovecat Thu 28-Mar-13 21:35:36


I complained to DD's school-run holiday club when I realised they were going to be showing them Coraline (she was 5 at the time - I found it disturbing, never mind a 5 yr old!) - the teacher was really lame and just said 'oh, but it's a PG, she'll be all right' and made me feel like I was being really overprotective. I asked if she could do something else and again got a really limp response. As it happened, she watched it and was ok, but several of her classmates had nightmares. Grr.

YoullNeedATray Thu 28-Mar-13 21:31:20

In my school I would not be allowed to show a PG film in its entirety without written permission from parents.

The Head has also made it clear that she takes a very dim view of showing DVDs at the end of term. We are to show films only if they relate to the curriculum and relevant clips are preferred.

lecce Thu 28-Mar-13 21:30:53

Getting annoyed now - hadn't even thought about the rating, and now others have pointed it out it seems obvious that this should not have been shown to such young children.

Ffs, why are so many people in such a hurry to get dc to grow up? I am sure that much of the humour in this is way above the heads of many (most?) 5/6 year olds. Ds is a good reader (gold) and is considered 'bight' by me (of course grin) and others yet he doesn't 'get' Dahl and clearly didn't enjoy this film. Why not show one of the many U films that are available?

Have just googled it and found a Guardian article pointing out that the book was originally marketed for Yrs5-6 and pointing out the snobbery in it and the overall 'darkness' of it, making it unsuaitable for very young children. It comes as a relief to me as there seem to be so many parents claiming their 5year olds 'love' Dahl and ds really doesn't!

Anyway, very cross with this teacher now.

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