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To be annoyed that ds has been left upset by end of term 'treat'?

(53 Posts)
lecce Thu 28-Mar-13 19:48:28

He is in a mixed class of Yrs 1&2 and they watched 'Matilda' today. At bedtime ds (just 6 Yr1) became quiet and withdrawn and said he couldn't get the scary teacher from the film out of his head. He stayed quiet throughout his story and put his head under the blanket when I left (he ALWAYS reads himself when I go, but not tonight).

What really annoys me is that he says he did tell the teacher he was finding it scary and she just said, "it's alright." Well, it wasn't, was it? AIBU to think she could have offered him another activity to do, maybe in the quiet corner away from the screen? I am a teacher (secondary) and have been known to crack open the dvds at the end of term, so I know exactly how she will have been feeling today, and I am very happy for him to enjoy watching a film with his peers, but surely she could have been more caring? She sounds cold and dismissive, from what ds says. He has only been in the school since Feb, so we don't know her well, but ds says she shouts a lot.

Surely he's not the only 5/6 who wouldn't enjoy Matilda? There are so many other films that I'm sure the whole range of 5-7 year olds could have enjoyed together - why pick this one?

AIBU to think that the film should not have been chosen in the first place, and that the teacher should have done more when ds told her he was scared? He's had problems finding playmates at breaktimes and I'm always encouraging him to tell an adult and now, when he does tell an adult something, he's given the brush off. angry.

SnotMeReally Thu 28-Mar-13 19:59:51

surely he is old enough for you to reason with him that it is just a story, not real, and emphasise that the "goodies" win? give him a cuddle and kiss and say night night

Also, you were not there and you dont know what exactly was said between him and the teacher and in what tone. She may have dealt with it very well, been very reassuring but DS just did not like the film or found it boring rather than scarey. She may even have said he did not have to watch - kids are selective about what bits of conversations they remember you know!

DorisIsWaiting Thu 28-Mar-13 20:07:19

I don't think the choice of film was inappropriate (DD1 was reading Roadl Dahl as a basis for work last term). However the teachers response was inappropriate.

When DD1 got scared in Yr1 (watching 'santa paws'!!) the class teacher sent her up with some colouring activities. As a teacher you just can not tell what will trigger some children (dd didn't like the robbers trying to steal puppies grin) but you should be able to react to the situation.

LynetteScavo Thu 28-Mar-13 20:12:25

YANBU to be annoyed your DS is upset.

You've realised his teacher is can be cold and dismissive. Some teachers are, but even so, I would have thought Matilda would have been an OK film for Y1, but maybe not! (I haven't seen it, and no idea what the certificate is.)

Give your DS a big hug, and be glad he only has this teacher for one more term.

Fillyjonk75 Thu 28-Mar-13 20:12:50

YANBU- Recently DD1 in her Y3 class watched a PG film, the parents were notified in advance that they would be watching a PG and you could withdraw them and they were offered another activity. I was happy for DD1 to watch it (as she is fine with several 12As) but apparently she was uncomfortable as it was "a bit sad" & she joined her friend who had been withdrawn from the film (though I think she just wanted to be with her friend). Matilda is a great film but is a PG - my four year old loves it but I can also see how even older kids could be upset by it.

jenniferturkington Thu 28-Mar-13 20:15:53

My ds simply does not like films, yet at the end of term they inevitably always watch a DVD as a treat. They also have watched DVDs this year as their reward for filling their marble jar. I went in last time as ds told me he didn't want to watch. I told the teacher that it stresses him out and could analternative activity (eg colouring) be set up for those who don't want o watch. I was told that he would have to go and sit outside the head's office as there were no other teachers to supervise. Load of bollocks obviously as more than one class were grouped together for DVD.
Now I've received a letter asking for permission for him to watch a DVD at the start of next term to launch their topic. FFS.

jenniferturkington Thu 28-Mar-13 20:16:25

My ds is in year one btw

WhoKnowsWhereTheChocolateGoes Thu 28-Mar-13 20:22:29

I don't know about Matilda, haven't seen it but my DD gets upset very easily by films, it hasn't happened at school yet (I think there is usually an alternative activity) but she quite often gets upset at the cinema by films that I think are going to be pretty safe (Pirates!, Wreck-It Ralph, Tangled). She's 7. I do think there ought to be an alternative, even if it has to be in a corner of the same room, just something that they can focus on instead of the film.

DeWe Thu 28-Mar-13 20:24:36

The problem is that almost any film might upset one single child. I remember being terrified of Bedknobs and broomsticks. I can still picture the nightmares I had from that. confused

And of my three dc, they've all had ones they've been frightened of-and they're different ones. For example dd1 was frightened by the flood in Winnie the Pooh, Dd2 was so frightened of the house floating away in UP that she ran outside and refused to come in, and ds hated the Pink elephants on parade scene in Dumbo (and was totally hysterical when mummy elephant was taken away).
But they've all (at similar times) watched things I would think as much more scary, and had no problems at all.

TheFallenNinja Thu 28-Mar-13 20:27:49

I watched a show today about a spider chasing a baby around.

It was baby Jake.

MortifiedAdams Thu 28-Mar-13 20:28:04

Tbf Miss Trunchbull is scary as fuck. It is not surprising that at least one five uear old has been scared by her and while I wouldnt say Matilda is inappropriate for a five year old, I probably wouldnt think to show it to dd at five but more seven or eight years old.

The Teachers response was poor and an alternative 'quiet table' of colouring/reading really should have been avaliable.

KayHunt Thu 28-Mar-13 20:35:01

The teachers' reaction is not the best at all, but I would explain that it is just a story, it is not real, Miss Trunchbull isn't real and Matilda and Miss Honey triumph.

Roald Dahl is quite dark in places and I can understand why it upset your DS but only you now can make it better.

My DS (6) loves Matilda and he's a really sensitive boy

lecce Thu 28-Mar-13 20:43:12

Thank you for the replies. Of course I explained that it wasn't real etc - ds is in a drama club thing so we talked about his friends in that who pretend to be 'baddies' and how any teacher who was really like that would get sacked, 'by the government' as ds said.

I have watched Matilda with Yr7s and, given that that age group still enjoy it, I would have thought that it was really too old for most 5 year olds - though I accept that not all would actually be scared. I just feel there's a lot in the film that 'works' for older kids and so doesn't really for younger ones.

I'm most annoyed with the teacher's response, though. I know everyone says this on MN, but ds is quite specific in the way he relates things and I specifically asked him exactly what she'd said. Just seems she couldn't be asked to deal with it sad.

jewelledsky Thu 28-Mar-13 20:47:42

You don't know the teacher's reaction was poor. You weren't there so you don't know anything about the situation. The O.P. knows what her child told her. Children generally have very selective memories when recounting events. O.P.Why don't you pop into school and ask the teacher what happened before you describe her as cold and dismissive.

lecce Thu 28-Mar-13 20:59:33

I can't 'pop in' for another 2.5 weeks, can I - it was an 'end of term' treat. In any case, I work f/t so have to rely on dh to chat to teachers and he seldom feels as strongly as I do about these things, so very little chatting occurs!

As I mentioned, I have other reasons for not feeling that this teacher may not be that great, and this is the latest. I really don't see why ds would tell me that that was all she said if it wasn't. He usually struggles with being too honest and is always admitting to stuff that he knows he shouldn't really have done because he finds it hard to lie. I don't know for sure what she said, but I can be fairly certain.

Greythorne Thu 28-Mar-13 21:04:06


I would be pissed off.

My DD is scared of lots of "kids" films (Shrek, Toy Story, Tangled, Tinkerbell etc.) and despite lots of support and coaching on it being made up, not real, just a story etc. does not seem to be getting any more relaxed about watching things. She is 6, by the way. At home we watch Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensability, Little Women and Singin' in the Rain.

I would be disappointed that the school was showing films that I would never ever show her at home.

I accept that my DD is sensitive, but I think Mathilda is scary for most DC in year 1 / 2.

Mumsyblouse Thu 28-Mar-13 21:06:45

I am not always sure of the wisdom of showing films at the end of term, I remember putting on Monsters inc. in my house and my friend's little girl being terrified, she was about 5, even though my children were roaring with laughter. Mine are pretty robust, but I got very scared as a child (partly due to not watching very much til I was about 7/8) and I can see how Miss Trunchbull and the Chokey is pretty scary.

MagicHouse Thu 28-Mar-13 21:07:20

I think you can complain if a PG is shown to your child in year 1. We're not allowed to do this in the school I work in.

PoppyWearer Thu 28-Mar-13 21:11:41


My 4yo DD is in Reception and many of the "treat" DVDs (Shrek, for example - the dragon, yes, I know) and even the visiting pantomime have given her nightmares.

So. Many. Nightmares. <props open eyelids with matchsticks>

And many of the summer-born children in her class have been the same.

I know we can't wrap our DCs in cotton wool, but some are more sensitive than others. My DD's teachers tend to have older children and I think they do sometimes forget what's age appropriate and what some of the littler ones might find upsetting.

PoppyWearer Thu 28-Mar-13 21:12:24

Oh, and my DD was also scared of Matilda.

Svrider Thu 28-Mar-13 21:12:40


My dd2 watched ghost busters at school (yr1)
I had specifically not let her watch it over x mas hols, because I think it's unsuitable
She's still very into Winnie the Pooh etc
But hey what do I know, I'm just her mumangry

blackeyedsusan Thu 28-Mar-13 21:13:41

hether it as ok for most children, this one was scared and told the teacher. he should have been given an alternative activity. drawing/colouring or book corner are not hard to set up. some children find it hard to rationalise it as just a story.

OhLori Thu 28-Mar-13 21:15:35

Agree with Greythorne. Alot of "children's" films are scary, and personally I don't think they are appropriate for young children at school because of their sensitivity at this age. Dahl is often scary anyway. I would tell the teacher of your son's experience and and see what she says. (At least you will know.)

montmartre Thu 28-Mar-13 21:18:08

My DD struggles frequently with dvds shown in school, but they always allow her to do something else at the other end of the classroom, a wordsearch, or picture etc, and she's fine. It's so hard for them when they're little- it can be the most random things that scare them.

bollywoodfan Thu 28-Mar-13 21:20:30

Omg Ghostbusters in yr 1! The library scene still scares me!

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