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unreasonable for the girlfriends/wives to go on the stag do?

(251 Posts)
SummerFin Thu 28-Mar-13 18:24:36

My partner (call him DH for now) and I am getting married next year, we have been saving for the last 3 years to be able to do this.

Our wedding is booked for August. For the stag do my partner decided that he wanted to go to Amsterdam in July. Asked about 12 people, and 8 have said they wanted to go - there was never any pressure and it was made clear that if people couldn't afford or just didn't want to go it wouldn't be a problem.

This was decided in October and now DH needs to get a deposit from the 8 people. 3 of them have said that their girlfriends/wives would only be ok with it if they could come too.

So would it be possible for DH to add 3 extra places to the trip. The women would do their thing in the day together and then join the men in the evenings.

Is this completely unreasonable?

I would never feel the need to invite myself to someones stag do.

wongadotmom Thu 28-Mar-13 20:11:23

Summer fin I went there for the tulips, flea markets and wonderful art with an open mind. I got an education in more than I bargained for. I had to go back a second time just to be sure. Hypocrite that I am. I still think there are much much better places!

Fulhamup Thu 28-Mar-13 20:11:35

YANBU, women should not go on stag weekends. Let the blokes get on with it. the 3 women who don't trust their DH/DP have the problem here.

ethelb Thu 28-Mar-13 20:11:55

I have to say that while these women are being unreasonable, I am surprised your DP is surprised that choosing to have your stag do in Amsterdam has provoked this kind of reaction.

Aside from the sleaze it is an expensive weekend to book in the height of summer when other people will be wanting to go away. We probably wouldn't be able to afford a summer hol if DP did this (as he wouldn't be able to afford to go away with me again).

I think if people are going to organise such big, expensive 'stag dos' (what's wrong with a night out where you drink a bit more than usual?) then you need to be prepared for people to either not be able to go or to view it as their main holiday that year, with all that entails (ie taking a partner along!)

HazelnutinCaramel Thu 28-Mar-13 20:12:36

I think it's a terrible idea. Embarrassing for the women who look like controlling shrews, embarrassing for their partners who look like they're under the thumb and awkward for everyone else on the trip who is thinking all of that but not able to express it!

If you can't trust your husband to go to Amsterdam on his own, then you have issues in your relationship that cannot be solved simply by going with him.

LaurieFairyCake Thu 28-Mar-13 20:12:42

Any man who goes to a strip 'show' is a twat


How could there be an other explanation?

BlueberryHill Thu 28-Mar-13 20:13:44

Pobble, was that to me? I did say that if you don't trust your OH any location isn't going to work, because they can go to strip clubs anywhere.

I don't think that the OHs should have invited themselves, it puts the stag and other attendees in an awkward (sp?) position, just trying to suggest an alternative that meant all 8 could go without their OHs, although I couldn't be arsed to type that first time round.

YellowandGreenandRedandBlue Thu 28-Mar-13 20:13:46

Hmm, that is a bit odd, I thought they were just going to stay in same rooms, yes a little odd to invite oneself to the actual evenings.

Shakey1500 Thu 28-Mar-13 20:18:47

It's wrong and unfair to assume that a group of men, going to Amsterdam are going to behave appallingly.

I'm not a fan of women on stag do's and vice versa. Agree it changes the tone.

Amsterdam I found great. Good beer, plenty of interesting fellow travellers, fab architecture, exciting "vibe". It's not for everyone (as has been demonstrated here hmm. Personally I wouldn't dream of posting disparaging remarks about a place in question, unless an OP was asking for views about it. But each to their own.

wongadotmom Thu 28-Mar-13 20:24:38

I've nothing against the beer! That was bloody yummy! I don't blame anybody for wanting to go to dam for the beer! For the amount of money it costs there you could get a MUCH better experience elsewhere IMO.

LovesBeingWokenEveryNight Thu 28-Mar-13 20:25:01

Leave the bastard grin

I know someone who met someone else whilst on his stag black pool better not let him go there op.

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 28-Mar-13 20:27:26

It's wrong and unfair to assume that a group of men, going to Amsterdam are going to behave appallingly. Absolutely. However many many do behave appallingly. It is entirely possible that these three men have behaved appallingly in the past and therefore their partners don't want a repeat.

Unless you think that all men who use prostitutes are single. Because that is not what I've heard.

SummerFin Thu 28-Mar-13 20:28:46

what's wrong with a night out where you drink a bit more than usual?

See I knew someone would say that. Which is why I made it clear in the OP - People were asked, there was no pressure - if they didn't want to, couldn't afford it then there would have been zero problem.

So before you say it neither me or DH are "entitled"

And without sounding mean, some people may be content with just having a few drinks in their local town where they have lived for years - and some would prefer not to.

LaurieFairyCake Thu 28-Mar-13 20:29:22

Hey, Amsterdam is lovely. Lovely beer, lovely museums.

But surely there's not many going to come on here and say that they went to a stag do and they just went to museums and drank beer confused

<sets out challenge>

SummerFin Thu 28-Mar-13 20:31:12

you could get a MUCH better experience elsewhere IMO.

Your opinion on that subject doesn't mean a thing to me.

Summed up much better for you -

Personally I wouldn't dream of posting disparaging remarks about a place in question, unless an OP was asking for views about it. But each to their own

Shakey1500 Thu 28-Mar-13 20:32:35

MrsTerryPratchett Understood. But if they have behaved appallingly (in the case of the partners who want to tag along) then there's clearly no trust either etc?

To me, if a friends DP wanted to tag along with us on a pre-arranged all female getaway, I would be disappointed and not without rolly eyes.

ClippedPhoenix Thu 28-Mar-13 20:33:49

OP you do know that your intended is the devil incarnate to go to amsterdam and all the girls should be able to accompany him don't you grin

A cheat will do it down the road if that's what they intend to do.

LaQueen Thu 28-Mar-13 20:33:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyFlumpalot Thu 28-Mar-13 20:37:06

Umm, yes, it's unreasonable for these partners to invite themselves to a stag do. Also, it's quite frankly ridiculous. If you can't trust your partner to go on a lads holiday without you, don't make it someone else's problem.

SummerFin Thu 28-Mar-13 20:37:20

Yes Clipped sad

Me and him are hanging our heads in shame.

twooter Thu 28-Mar-13 20:37:35

It's a crap idea. A couples holiday where your dh is guest of honour but not able to bring his own partner.

Lambzig Thu 28-Mar-13 20:39:44

The whole thing is a ridiculous idea, your DH needs to tell his friends that it isn't ok for their DPs to come, what a grim event that would be, embarrassing and humiliating for all concerned.

Amsterdam can be lovely, have spent a good few weekends with DH and friends there and haven't seen any prostitutes, visited strip clubs or done any drugs. The supper club was as decadent as it got.

Just asked DH, as a veteran of many, many stag weekends, some second time around for the groom, if he had ever, ever known anyone, mentioning no names, to have sex with someone or hire a prostitute and he said no. Ok, he might be lying, but I can't think why he would.

wongadotmom Thu 28-Mar-13 20:41:09

Yes Summerfin each to their own and all that. Three people who happen to be wives/girlfriends of your DH's mates must also think dam is a great place to spend their money and time. I don't understand what your problem is with what they choose to do.

Dahlen Thu 28-Mar-13 20:41:53

Amsterdam is lovely. However, most stag party locations are not chosen for their cultural heritage.

Thailand is a wonderful country. However, I would probably make assumptions about a group of men going there for a stag party too. Prejudiced? Yes, certainly. Based on a lot of good reasons. But admittedly not accurate in all cases. Only the OP can judge if these particular men will have chosen Amsterdam for its red light district potential or the Anne Frank museum.

I've attended more stag dos than I have hen parties, but I would not be friends with someone who thought strippers or prostitutes were part of the fun of a traditional stag do. However, I've also been to Amsterdam and loved it.

I have never attended a stag or hen do as a 'plus one'. I wouldn't dream of inviting myself either. I have my own life and friends, thank you.

Personalities is everything in this. If the men concerned are decent, and their partners are not insecure, then why can't everyone involved be happy with the situation?

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 28-Mar-13 20:43:27

Some would cheat down the road. However, there are a fair few men who, when asked, say that they would cheat if they could be sure to get away with it. Paying someone in another country sounds like they will get away with it to me.

I'm not saying I think women should go on stags. I'm saying that all the people who are sure their partners wouldn't cheat... look on the relationships board for all the women who were sure their feckless, lying, cheating scumbag exes wouldn't cheat. It happens, to a lot of relationships. Going somewhere where that is positively encouraged seems a bad idea.

Lambzig Thu 28-Mar-13 20:44:10

Because if the groom had wanted them at his stag weekend, he would have invited them

It's the height of bad manners.

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