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To feel upset that she doesn't like me?

(19 Posts)
Ducklings45 Thu 28-Mar-13 17:27:38

I don't know what I've done to upset her but i don't think she likes me much and the way she is treating me is making me feel upset. I know it sounds stupid but when you work in an environment like ours, it makes a difference and affects things.

Some examples of how she acts towards me:
I asked her how long she would be us using a shared space for. Her response was 'as long as it takes'. Then there was a long pause where I thought she might elaborate but she didn't and I then had to ask her how long that might be.

Another example: I asked where something was for the
Box. She didn't speak to me or look at me but marched out of her seat, got it and put it in the box without acknowledging me at all. I thanked her etc and didn't speak to me at all which I felt was incredibly rude.

I tried to make conversation in the staff room but her answers were very clipped and short, she really didn't want to answer me. sad 

There are other examples but seems silly to type them all out, I just get the vibe she doesn't like me and I feel on edge around her as I really don't know what I've done wrong.

I can't complain to SMT as she's really well liked by everyone and everyone thinks she is sweetness and light. 
I know she's not like that all the time. I've her bitching about a colleague behind heir back. 

How do I handle this? I can't complain to anyone at work. Even one of my  colleagues is her best buddy so i can't say anything as it would get back to her. Plus, I've seen her been just as poisonous to other staff, I'm luckily I'm not her her 'hitlist'.

How do I handle this? It's an awful feeling to be sat there knowing I'm not liked by this woman. Especially when I see her being so nice to others. 

LynetteScavo Thu 28-Mar-13 17:34:27

Be really nice to everyone else.

Be pleasent to this woman, but don't go out of your way to help her.

Everyone else will see the situation for what it is eventually.

Finola1step Thu 28-Mar-13 17:35:40

Am a little bit confused OP. Is this woman a colleague, your line manager, overall boss? A bit more info please.

Ducklings45 Thu 28-Mar-13 17:40:21

A colleague who is my boss's right hand woman.

oldraver Thu 28-Mar-13 17:40:30

Who ?

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Thu 28-Mar-13 17:44:55

you don't have to be liked by her. She is someone you work with, not your pal.

Be professional, be cool and polite and do your job. Keep telling yourself that she's nothing to you. You don't need her approval and you don't need her to like you, you need nothing more than her to do her job and you to do yours.

Chat to other people and leave her to it.

Finola1step Thu 28-Mar-13 17:51:32

What ImTooHecsy said.

I've got a colleague just like yours. Been working with her for seven long years. She'll never change and I couldn't give a flying fig. If your colleague is anything like mine, then it is nothing you have said or done. It is her problem. Keep contact to the bare professional minimum.

ClippedPhoenix Thu 28-Mar-13 17:57:08

Sounds like she's a rather insecure person and somehow feel threatened by you.

I have had this a couple of times and confronted the situation. I asked the person if they had a problem with me in a non aggressive way stating facts etc. things improved after that.

poozlepants Thu 28-Mar-13 17:58:16

She's playing games just don't play. It will probably drive her mad. Best thing to do is to be polite but distant. She will be expecting you to fall over yourself to be nice to her in attempt to win her over and in return she will continue to be mean.

Ducklings45 Thu 28-Mar-13 18:02:52

It just annoys me that she is so 'sweetness and light' to various other colleagues and then treats me like crap. Recently it was my birthday. She signed me a card ( joint one with another colleague who she works closely with). It was her writing so she must have known it was my birthday. Although she walked right past me on the day, didn't even acknowledge me let alone wish me a happy birthday. hmm.

You're right through, I do try and do things to be helpful and make her like me but it's not working, maybe I should ignore her too!!

Birdsgottafly Thu 28-Mar-13 18:18:32

There are various books on "The games people play in the workplace", anyone of them would cover this woman's behaviour. I agree with those that say distance yourself and only be as pleasant as you have to be.
Convince yourself that you don't need her acknowledgement (which you don't) and after a while you will pity her.

Birdsgottafly Thu 28-Mar-13 18:20:42

Also keep in mind that your behaviour will not influence whether she likes you and you don't need her to, anyway.

Orangerevel Thu 28-Mar-13 18:22:31

I have someone just like this in my office. She is awful. She always tries to find fault with my work etc. I just let her get on with it, i don't give her the satisfaction of knowing that she is winding me up. I don't need her to like me. As long as You doing a good job and you get on with others that's all that matters. Perhaps she sees you as a threat.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Thu 28-Mar-13 18:23:50

What Hecsy said.

It has taken me half a lifetime to not care if someone does not like me. It is very liberating.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Thu 28-Mar-13 18:25:08


You son't know what is in other people's minds. They may well not think she is all sweetness and light

JamieandtheMagicTorch Thu 28-Mar-13 18:26:46

They may think she is a bitch and just be glad she is not a bitch to them. Spinless yes, but since most people want to be liked and keep their heads down, very common.

Ducklings45 Thu 28-Mar-13 18:53:14

Shes running an event at work tonight that we have to attend. I have a key role so hope she's nice to me! I'm sure she will be as they'll be 30 other people watching.

Cantbelieveitsnotbutter Thu 28-Mar-13 18:58:50

I've had this a few times, its horrible and I've spent many a time balling in the toilets.
There's two ways of playing it, confront (she'll probably deny a problem)
Or kill her with kindness. The kindness one has worked for me in the past, once and not the other. I've never been brave enough to confront.
I have however confronted when its been in my team, got the two people together and got the issues out. That worked for them, but you need a manager on board for that.

Ducklings45 Fri 29-Mar-13 00:35:24

Thank you for the advice. She would deny anything I'm sure!

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