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Not to understand: Your House/Wedding/Child Your Rules?

(122 Posts)
Hullygully Thu 28-Mar-13 11:54:43

What happened to manners?

What happened to consideration for other people, putting one's guests first, or making people feel comfortable or just mutually agreeing a framework of behaviour around kids?

How can it work if everyone has Me Me Mine about Their Rules??

Pandemoniaa Thu 28-Mar-13 11:58:49

YANBU. I absolutely agree. If there's one cliche that makes my head boil it's any of the variations on "My House/My Rules".

Maryz Thu 28-Mar-13 12:01:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thezebrawearspurple Thu 28-Mar-13 12:02:20

That's fine if your guests also have manners and consideration, unfortunately there will always be some idiot with none. I wouldn't allow someones kid to break anything in my home/wreck my wedding/ while their oblivious parent smiles away or allow someone feed my toddler coke, my 'manners' stop at another persons rudeness or overstepping of my boundaries. What about that is hard to understand?

MadameDefarge Thu 28-Mar-13 12:02:57

yes. I particularly enjoy the no shoes in house ones for guests. Good manners means taking it on the chin and running the hoover or ghastly fake smell stuff over it when they leave. not frothing at the mouth and making everybody sitting in your living room/around your dining table miserable. or get some therapy. or summat.

MadameDefarge Thu 28-Mar-13 12:04:20

zebra, did you mean to sound aggressive? who ever said your point of view is hard to understand? perhaps we just dont agree with it? Ya know? No biggie?

MadameDefarge Thu 28-Mar-13 12:05:17

people are very cross atm I find.

Hullygully Thu 28-Mar-13 12:05:58

zebra, it isn't a choice between consideration for one's guests and being shat all over. No one is talking about letting someone destroy your home/wedding confused

You must know some odd people if you have to impose Your Rules to stop them destroying your life.

Maryz Thu 28-Mar-13 12:08:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Maryz Thu 28-Mar-13 12:09:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouTheCat Thu 28-Mar-13 12:11:59

Your thread, your rules. grin

But yes, I will always go down the consideration route and treat others how I'd like to be treated. It doesn't always work but at least I'm not the one who looks like an inconsiderate twat.

BegoniaBampot Thu 28-Mar-13 12:12:09

As long as they leave their shoes at the door...

wannabeEostregoddess Thu 28-Mar-13 12:12:22

I agree with zebra and dont find her post aggressive tbh.

People are too willing to stick their nose in. If I am paying for my own wedding I will decide on the detail. I will consider other people because I want everyone to enjoy it, but ultimately its our day.

Same with my kids. I dont need advice unless I ask and just because I dont do something the same way as the next person doesnt make it wrong.

Manners can only work if everyone has them. And sadly some people are lacking.

thezebrawearspurple Thu 28-Mar-13 12:12:22

Madame; Aggressive? I didn't intend to and I don't think I did rereading that post. You're seeing things which aren't there. I was answering ops question from my own point of view, not attacking her.

Hully; I don't get your point, I rarely have had to enforce any 'rules', most of the time when posters are given advice on here urging them 'your house/wedding/rules' etc... their problem is people who are overstepping their boundaries or potentially causing harm in some way.

dreamingbohemian Thu 28-Mar-13 12:14:36

I kind of suspect that a lot of RULES are a substitute for normal human interaction.

So you get My House, My Rules, You Must Take Off Your Shoes.... instead of, 'Do you mind taking off your shoes?' and then Maryz says, 'Actually, my clean shoes are preferable to my stinky feet', and then you say, 'Ah okay, hahaha, no worries.'

Maryz Thu 28-Mar-13 12:14:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

abbyfromoz Thu 28-Mar-13 12:15:25

If you are so big on manners then isn't it good manners to respect other people's decisions on their rules while you have the honour of being their guest? I.e. if friends say shoes off in their house then i will damn well take my shoes off... If they say they would rather not have children at their wedding well- they're paying for it! Who am i to impose? Would be privileged to have had an invite on their special occasion...
If someone says to me they would rather i not give their child a chocolate or let them watch tv then i certainly wont disrespect that! If they went through the making, giving birth & sleepless nights etc then they are the ones who have earned the right to say what they would/wouldn't like when it comes to the raising of that child. Makes perfect sense to me!

WorriedMummy73 Thu 28-Mar-13 12:16:13

The recent wedding ones (re: sitting couples apart) have really made me go confused. I've only ever been to two weddings - the first was a posh sit-down do at a hotel and everyone had to find their seats, but I was sat with DP and other people we knew. There was a woman on our table who didn't know ANY of us though and she was really uncomfortable all evening. I really felt for her.

The other one was just me and DD (who was 2.5 at the time). Again at a hotel, but no set places, everyone sat where they liked and with who they liked. Worked for me cos it was my cousin't wedding and I'm not close to that side of the family and didn't know any of her friends. So I sat with her brother and his friend (who I knew years ago). Huge fuss was made of DD and I was looked after (being 6 months pg) and had a great time.

I don't understand anyone who does the whole 'my wedding, my rules' thing. If I ever get married I would want my guests to enjoy themselves and say what a great time they had at my wedding, not exert control of everyone and everything! Then again, I have a man's attitude to weddings and wedding planning anyway - I cannot think of a bigger pita than choosing flowers/napkins/table settings, etc.

Sorry for the hijack!

Hullygully Thu 28-Mar-13 12:18:42


manners are very clear: the host makes the guest comfortable and puts them first.

So while as the host you hope the guest may notice the piles of shoes at the door and choose to remove hers, you certainly don't ask them to, let alone compel them.

Then when the guest is the host, the same thing applies.

That is what manners ARE.

wannabeEostregoddess Thu 28-Mar-13 12:18:47

The supposed aggression on this thread is going right over my head. confused

Hullygully Thu 28-Mar-13 12:20:24

And as for weddings, there has been a real change in attitude.

As an old person I see the change clearly.

It was never ever a case of Your Day Your Rules, it was always seen as a public and social occasion and manners were applied thusly, courtesy was extended, all family members invited of all ages, all needs catered for.

I blame Thatcher and the rise of individualism.

YouTheCat Thu 28-Mar-13 12:20:25

I always ask if the host wants me to take my shoes off. All of dd's friends ask me when they come over. Though these days the carpet is pretty much buggered so I'm really not bothered.

YouTheCat Thu 28-Mar-13 12:20:54

I blame Thatcher for most things.

wannabeEostregoddess Thu 28-Mar-13 12:21:05

I agree that taking shoes off is ridiculous. But I cant see how cousin Maud wanting a special seat beside the Bride and venison instead of the turkey everyone else is having, should be pandered to in the name of manners.

TheOriginalSteamingNit Thu 28-Mar-13 12:22:25

I don't like it either. Except that I wish I could have a my house- my rule that MIL can't just drop in. grin

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