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MIL trying to insist that my 12 year old DDs wear their school uniform to a funeral in the easter holidays.

(107 Posts)
sandyballs Thu 28-Mar-13 11:09:27

WTF? Why? Might be different if I was picking them up from school to go to the funeral.

I told her I thought it was very odd, then she said perhaps just the skirt then!

It's a big catholic funeral and I think she's worried that I'm going to let them turn up in their usual attire of skinny jeans and converse. I told her I'm taking them shopping to buy something smart but she still thinks school uniform is best.

AIBU? Or is she barking.

DiscoDonkey Thu 28-Mar-13 11:10:39

She's barking but like you said I think she doesn't trust you to dress them appropriately! Charming!

insertsomethingwitty Thu 28-Mar-13 11:10:59


Omnishambolic Thu 28-Mar-13 11:12:08

Barking - and obviously doesn't trust you. Just don't engage with her, tempting though it would be to have a go. Your girls turning up looking suitably dressed will shut her up.

(Sorry if it is the funeral of someone close to you - or MIL, which would explain her stressedness at least).

scaevola Thu 28-Mar-13 11:12:27

Not barking. Following a well-established and widespread norm that school uniforms appropriate formal attire for children.

DSiL's DS wore his school uniform to our wedding.

crazylady9876 Thu 28-Mar-13 11:13:10

She barking, think you should put them in black hoody black skinnys and black dr martins and obviously black nail varnish for full effect

Pigsmummy Thu 28-Mar-13 11:13:53

Surely you will end up buying something that looks like their school uniform if you buy something new? Dark coloured skirt/trouser and jacket? So I can see both sides tbh. Do they need need new school clothing if so buy it and use that?
Your MIL has probably shuddered seeing the Alter boys wearing massive dayglo trainers under their gown and what young people wear to church normally and is in a bit of a panic.

BCBG Thu 28-Mar-13 11:15:01

She may also think school uniform in order to avoid the extra expense. When my children have attended funerals I have normally dressed them in elements of their school uniform so I don't see too much wrong with the request. It is a bit of a generational thing - my parents would definitely have expected us to attend in school uniform of blazer and trousers/skirt, but each to their own. I'm sure whatever you choose will be fine!

TheNebulousBoojum Thu 28-Mar-13 11:16:52

Whose funeral is it?
If she's very stressed out and upset, then she may be worrying that you won't conform, and your response isn't very supportive.
Do you usually go to church with your DDs?

sandyballs Thu 28-Mar-13 11:17:43

New clothes won't look anything like their school uniform. They wear a roal blue blazer and a blue/white/cream checked kilt.

I agree she doesn't trust me as I'm ultra casual clothes wise but I do know how to brush up when necessary

Really scaevola!? Well I've never heard of that, ever. Is it a posh thing?

Skullnbones Thu 28-Mar-13 11:18:40

I think school uniform is pretty standard too to be fair. Your mil shouldn't be telling you how to dress your children. But is she maybe just trying to save you money? Think it seems daft to buy outfits.?

SunnyRandall Thu 28-Mar-13 11:18:46

My mum has photos of my brother and sister at weddings in their school uniform. That was in the 60's though and at the time my mum and dad were quite poor so probably didn't have money to buy them clothes for one off occasions. I think it was more normal then.

These days it would look very odd! Is your mil stuck in a time warp?

Machli Thu 28-Mar-13 11:20:24

Yes I think school uniform as formal wear is very outdated. True for the fifties and sixties but not now.

sandyballs Thu 28-Mar-13 11:20:25

It's her aunts funeral and I am being supportive, helping them sort out the will, driving them to places to get organised etc. I don't mean to come across as hard and callous! But I just don't get the school uniform thing!
They would never agree to it and I can't exactly force two 5 ft 7 inch girls into clothes can I, they're not tots.

MIL is not a church goer, nor am I or my DDs, except for guide church parade. I was bought up a catholic though and know the form for these things and I've never seen a full school uniform at a wedding, funeral or baptism.

ilovepowerhoop Thu 28-Mar-13 11:20:56

doesnt sound like their school uniform would be appropriate for the funeral anyway.

Seeline Thu 28-Mar-13 11:20:59

I think it is a generational thing. My DMum for instance would have worn her school uniform to something like that (mainly because she didn't have any other clothes suitable). However, she wouldn't expect my DCs to do similar.

LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops Thu 28-Mar-13 11:24:54

I think uniform is a good idea, it's smart, formal, saves extra expense and looks perfectly acceptable at a funeral.

MIL is not bonkers, just has a different point of view than you.

Viviennemary Thu 28-Mar-13 11:27:40

It's a totally old-fashioned idea that was even dated about 50 years ago. If they wear smart dark clothes that couldn't offend anybody. I am quite traditional but even I think she is over the top insisting on this. It's definitely a generation thing but way way back.

sandyballs Thu 28-Mar-13 11:29:34

It's not the usual black blazer and black skirt/trousers, white shirt combo. It's a royal blue blazer and a lairy checked kilt! It's not a Scottish funeral!

sandyballs Thu 28-Mar-13 11:31:08

Interesting about the money side of things, I suppose clothes were far more expensive years ago and there was less money, generally. Would make sense to wear school uniform if quite plain.

floatyjosmum Thu 28-Mar-13 11:31:50

My dc wore elements of their school uniform to my grans funeral but as in the black trousers, white shirt and shoes for ds and tights and shoes for dd.

If your uniform isn't the standard black/white then it prob isn't appropriate.

scaevola Thu 28-Mar-13 11:33:12

I thought it was opposite of posh, or at least wealthy. It's for those who don't want to spend on new formal clothes that may not be much worn. And there is a generational factor, as price of clothing used to be relatively higher and the 'waste not want not' war generation would certainly have seen it as extravagant.

TheOriginalSteamingNit Thu 28-Mar-13 11:34:34

I think Back In The Day, you put your children in their Grammar uniform at any opportunity - for family photos etc. Is MIL especially proud of the school they go to, maybe?

SooticaTheWitchesCat Thu 28-Mar-13 11:35:01

I have never heard of children wearing school unifrom to funerals or weddings. My girls wear red, blue & grey so wouldn't be suitable for a funeral anyway.

Don't argue with her just agree and then dress them as you want. I'm sure you are perfectly capable of choosing something appropriate.

motherinferior Thu 28-Mar-13 11:35:39

Barking. Utterly barking.

School uniform almost always looks revolting anyway. Get them some black trousers?

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