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Just to want my parents to meet me halfway

(4 Posts)
issypiggle Thu 28-Mar-13 10:09:55

Things have been tense with my parents since having dd. and in the last 2 yrs, I've starting seeing dp, who my parents don't like and have made no effort to like him, making complaints to his boss and completely ignoring any mention of him from my dd (3yo).

since deciding that we were going to move in together (for my sake financially), they have made no effort to come and see us. I've had to do the driving to visit my parents, they never call, they never text. I'm always expected over every week, and have to call and text to find out things.

I've offered them days when they can come over when dp is working, so there is no chance of seeing him but they said no, and then told me that i should come over as they are busy. i discovered the other day that my dad had been taken to hospital but that was in passing and although it was nothing that serious no one had the balls to tell me till a good few days later. again after i had called.

I've been ill this week and text my mum to tell her i was on antibiotics as I'd been ill at the weekend I'd been to see them. but have heard nothing asking how i am feeling.

i know they are my parents and they have done lots for me while i was growing up and with dd with childcare (especially after the war that was me telling them i was pg) and I'm probably being selfish but aibu just to want them to meet me halfway and at least call me to see how dd and i are doing?

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Thu 28-Mar-13 10:25:55

Do they have a good reason to not like him? I am assuming not, am assuming that he isn't abusive, or into drugs or anything that would give a parent legitimate cause for concern?

I think that perhaps you should back away yourself. Instead of basically pleading for their attention and for them to please be in your life, just give them what they give you - disinterest.

I don't think you are being selfish. I wonder if they have been able to control you for a very long time and you not toeing the line and being with someone that they don't want you to be with has made them choose to punish you in the hopes that you will do what they want, and leave him?

Please don't offer them days when your partner isn't home. That is saying to them that it is ok for them to treat him like this. And it's not. You are a family. If they can't accept that, then you may have to make a choice.

FrauMoose Thu 28-Mar-13 10:34:33

I can see that it's sad if you have a new family life - with your daughter and now your partner - and they don't want to share it.

But I would agree that your efforts to keep in touch, be flexible etc aren't getting the results you want.

So I think backing off and just doing the odd friendly-sounding text, phone call etc with news sounds good. And make it clear that, if they want to come along, they are welcome to join the three of you on family occasions.

issypiggle Thu 28-Mar-13 12:18:26

there is a large age gap, which i understand why they would object, but apart from that he's perfect (or as perfect as a bloke can get lol), and his sons and their families don't seem to have a problem. but my parents haven't even made the effort to be nice. my partner has said that they can come and chat to him, but they do everything to avoid him if they see him in the street.

i'm just worried that if i show disinterest is this going to cause upset to dd, as my mum had a huge part in her life until christmas when i cut down my hours and moved.

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