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To ban SIL from seeing my DCs because of her DP

(50 Posts)
siladviceplease Thu 28-Mar-13 00:36:18

SIL has been with her DP for 6 years? I found out yesterday that my SILs DP has been in trouble with the police for having child porn on his computer. THis happened before SIL met him apparantly. My DH has known for a week ish, but didnt tell me! My DCs arent ever on there own with them. We are supposed to be going to see them Friday but i have told DH there is no way on earth i will be setting foot through there door again. DP doesnt like this and thinks IABU as hes never alone with out kids, and its his sister, his only family, he would lose if i refuse to take DCs there. So AIBU to not want my kids near this creep and to feel physically sick that hes been near and taken pics of my DCs?

(I have name changed for this as i find it very embarassing!)

Poppet48 Thu 28-Mar-13 00:46:21

YADNBU! I wouldn't want this either and your DH should be supporting you with your decision.

StuntGirl Thu 28-Mar-13 00:46:44

How/where did you find out and who from? What I'm getting at is how reliable is the information, or is it just gossip?

IneedAsockamnesty Thu 28-Mar-13 00:48:52

Yanbu to refuse to have your children around him but yabu if you refuse to have them around her when he is absent.

Invite her to yours but be honest about why he's not invited. If she can't get her head around him not being welcome and why then that's her problem.

siladviceplease Thu 28-Mar-13 00:55:23

Te information was just gossip my DP had heard after going into the corner shop in the estate SIL lives in, so he confronted SIL and she confirmed it to be true, but gave excuses for him it was a long time ago... he claims he covered up for his wife...... which i dont believe anyone would do.
I do feel sorry for SIL we live an hour away from her and she doesnt drive so she really wont see them, but then again its her choice to be with him...

AdoraBell Thu 28-Mar-13 01:00:00

YANBU and why do you feel sorry for her if she doesn't get to see your children?

Okay, I know she's a relative but you are responsible for keeping your children safe. She has decided to maintain a relationship with someone with this in his background, her choice, her look out. Does she have DCs?

MidnightMasquerader Thu 28-Mar-13 01:00:51

I'm a bit confused by your thread title.

Why do you need to ban her from seeing your DC? Him, yes, absolutely. But her?

I understand that it now might be difficult for her to see them if you're a distance away and she doesn't drive. But that just means she won't see much of them by default.

Do you really need to ban her from seeing them, though...?

siladviceplease Thu 28-Mar-13 01:02:30

She does have DCs and the worst part is that one was sexually abused as a child. I dont understand how she can want to be in a relationship with this 'man' im pretty disgusted with her and dont really want my DCs near her either if im honest! thats the part my DH thinks im BU about

MidnightMasquerader Thu 28-Mar-13 01:06:14

Ah OK, that sheds a slightly different light on things...

siladviceplease Thu 28-Mar-13 01:09:05

should probably have mentioned that bit in my OP

AdoraBell Thu 28-Mar-13 01:11:22

If her own DC was sexually abused it may be that she has blocked some things out, psychologically, and therefore genuinely doesn't see any risk - because her mind can't cope with it. And is now with a man who has been found to posses child porn, which is pictures of children being abused, which is why it's illegal.

That could be a dangerous combination. I wouldn't want them to have contact with her, but at least by having her visit you you can monitor what she's saying to the DCs.

StuntGirl Thu 28-Mar-13 01:13:15

Who abused your niece/nephew? It sounds like she has worrying boundaries (or lack of...) and poor judgement and I wouldn't want my children round her either.

I suspect there's little you can do to stop your husband taking your children to her if he's not around, but I would really try and talk your husband out of doing so (see first paragraph!) I would say you have no problem with her coming to you (alone) but that you don't want them in his house.

What exactly was he accused of? It doesn't sound like he was charged/found guilty of anything?

EchoBitch Thu 28-Mar-13 01:19:11

A bit incidental but,do you have a DH or a DP?

siladviceplease Thu 28-Mar-13 01:22:07

It was the father of her youngest DC, the whole thing is a mess really!
Im struggling to get my head around it, ive become friends with her and now i just feel disgusted with her...
Im not completly sure what happened i dont think he went to prison, my DH didnt do a lot of digging for some reason, i know he had to have regular visits to a police station, thats all i know.

siladviceplease Thu 28-Mar-13 01:23:12

DH now we only married 2 1/2 weeks ago, sorry!

EchoBitch Thu 28-Mar-13 01:25:59

How awful.

And you only found out today you say?

EchoBitch Thu 28-Mar-13 01:29:00

So soon after your wedding.

sad Must be hard for your DH,his sister and everything.

siladviceplease Thu 28-Mar-13 01:29:16

Well it was tuesday! Now that we're into the ridiculously early hours of thursday. Also ridiculous that im up so late/early worrying about it!

siladviceplease Thu 28-Mar-13 01:31:40

Hard on DH yes, but i do feel his sister should have been honest from the start!

EchoBitch Thu 28-Mar-13 01:33:59

Not really ridiculous to be worrying that you may have an abuser in the family.

EchoBitch Thu 28-Mar-13 01:36:45

I mean,your DHs sister is living with a possible child abuser.

With his nieces and nephews.


EchoBitch Thu 28-Mar-13 01:45:25


I would do everything and anything in my power to stop my DH taking our DC to a house where a convicted child abuser lives.

siladviceplease Thu 28-Mar-13 01:46:33

Her DCs are grown up now and have all moved out she doesn't have contact with her eldest anymore, not totally sure why, quite possibly to do with him though?

EchoBitch Thu 28-Mar-13 01:52:11

But she's only been with him for six years.

How old is she?

siladviceplease Thu 28-Mar-13 01:55:44

She's 41, her eldest is 24 youngest 18

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