WIBU not to go to my sisters performance

[dashoflime]

DS is doing a piece of contemporary theater. it is the culmination of 3 years work. it is very important to her that I be there.

However:

1. It is 300 miles away
   

1. It will cost me £150 for the round trip
   

1. DS (who I would have to bring with me) is 8 months and very wriggly. The train will be crowded. He is heavy. I will have to physically hold him on my lap and entertain him. It will take 9 hours.
   

I just can't face it. I just phoned her up and told her. She will be coming to my city on tour with a different show soon in any case. I have suggested I come to that one and we meet up. Its not as big a deal to her as the other show though.

She sounds angry and hurt with me.

Am I being unreasonable?

[SirBoobAlot]

Can understand her being upset, but I don't think you are unreasonable. Nine hours is a bloody long way to travel at all, never mind with an eight month old.

[pictish]

No you're not.
Are you ebf? Is a babysitter possible?

I dunno - it's a long way and a lot of travelling. I wouldn't be keen with a baby, but alone? Oh yes....I could do it alone.

[YouTheCat]

Would she rather you went and then your baby cried all the way through and you ended up having to go out anyway?

[dashoflime]

No, not possible without the baby.
He is a breastfed bottle refusnik. He is on his way to weaning and will take a sippy cup. If this was in my city I could happily leave him with a babysitter for a few hours. But this is a weekend job. Cant be done.

[dashoflime]

YouTheCat I don't think they allow babies at the venue anyway so he couldn't go with me. The plan would be that I would travel down with him, stay at our parents house and then I would go on to the show, with parents babysitting. Quite frankly it would be a huge hassle.

[firawla]

no I don't think yabu, it's just too impractical. Seeing her other more local performance will have to be the comprimise. she may understand more when she has children herself (presuming she hasnt?) although the travel is a lot even without kids!

[YouTheCat]

It's a hell of a lot to spend. And a long way to go.

YANBU especially as you can see her in a performance nearer to you.

[LilyAmaryllis]

Nine hours on a train! No it can't be done. Surely if it is such an important performance she is having it recorded, then you can watch the recording together?

[SirBoobAlot]

Sounds like it would be a nightmare. No. I wouldn't even try it. Explain to her that it just isn't practical, that you are looking forward to the performance in your home town, and hope there will be a DVD of the one you are missing.

[pictish]

Then it can't be done.

If I were your sister I would not expect it of you. But then I'm guessing your sister hasn't got kids yet....perhaps she doesn't quite grasp what she is asking you to do.

Either way...sisterly love shouldn't be about having a thoroughly shit time to prove how much you care. It should be about mutual understanding and respect.

[YouTheCat]

Send her a card and some flowers to wish her luck (or break a leg or whatever it is these thespians say).

[Icelollycraving]

Yanbu. Sounds hideous for you & the baby.

[foxache]

Yanbu at all, she doesn't realise how hard it'd be for you. YouThe Cat has the perfect solution in card and flowers, i think she'd really appreciate this.

[dashoflime]

Well that seems unanimous. Thanks everyone. Especially Pictish for this:

"Either way...sisterly love shouldn't be about having a thoroughly shit time to prove how much you care. It should be about mutual understanding and respect."

This is exactly how I feel. It really would be a shit time for me and I do feel a little like I have to do it to prove something to her.

It can't be done though. I will send a card and flowers like The Cat suggested.