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To feel really upset about friend?

(50 Posts)
extremepie Wed 27-Mar-13 22:05:01

Ok, 2 DF's were engaged until recently - last week they had a huge fight and, after some nasty messages back and forth on Facebook, they broke up.

Earlier today I got a message from female DF (let's call her X) telling me she has moved away. No further info, no "goodbye nice knowing you" just I've moved away.

I've asked her where she has gone in a friendly, conversational kind of way and got no response.

AIBU to feel really upset, not just because she has moved away but because she didn't bother to tell me anything about it and still hasn't despite my attempts to ask how she is and what she is doing (trying to take an interest in her life).

I know she is hurting at the moment but I can't believe that she would just cut me out of her life so quickly and easily after how close we've gotten over the last few months - we used to live in the same house and would talk about everything.

I've recently moved far away from all the family and friends and she was the first person I've really become friends with since moving to this new area and I'm so sad that I've lost her now sad

Add to that the fact that she was the only person I had to go out with on the weekends, which was the only thing I really do for myself for fun, and I feel like I have lost a huge chunk of my life and I'm also inexplicably angry at her for leaving me alone here sad

I really do hope she is happy in her new life as it is obvious she wanted a fresh start but I just wish she hadn't cut me off like this sad

HollyBerryBush Wed 27-Mar-13 22:07:47

Perhaps she has just withdrawn for a while to heal herself.

On the other hand, she may feel that she needs to completely cut off from her present situation totally.

Which ever it is, it isn't personal to you, it is to do with the break up of her relationship.

YoothaJoist Wed 27-Mar-13 22:08:06

Um... Perhaps she's a bit preoccupied, what with the breakdown of her relationship and moving away? It's not all about you hmm

YellowandGreenandRedandBlue Wed 27-Mar-13 22:11:47

I think you sound very unsympathetic and selfish.

Perhaps there is a reason she doesn't want her ex to know where she is so isn't saying?

YABU.

extremepie Wed 27-Mar-13 22:14:08

I know it's not all about me yootha (although thanks for putting it so insensitively when I am sitting here in tears sad ) that is actually the point!

As a friend I want to help her through it any way I can - especially to encourage and support her with her fresh start as I know from very recent experience how hard it is to move so far away from your old life and start a new one but it is hard when she won't talk to me.

UnrequitedSkink Wed 27-Mar-13 22:16:09

Maybe she just hasn't had time/energy to write to you properly yet? You only messaged her today...

extremepie Wed 27-Mar-13 22:17:17

Well yellow, if that was the case why wouldn't she just say that considering how close we were - I wouldn't have told him where she was if she asked me not to!

Besides, he isn't a stalker and isn't trying to 'find her' - they have no kids together and he wasn't abusive so I not sure why she wouldn't want him to know where she was.

Fleecyslippers Wed 27-Mar-13 22:17:39

Were you friends with her Ex first ? perhaps she feels that you will automatically side with him in that case?

pigletmania Wed 27-Mar-13 22:18:39

Extreme mabey she has not cut you out, quite possibly she needs some space and to be on her own for a bit. What you can do is be teir if she needs support. Send her a text r message saying tat your teir if you need to talk and leave it at that, and wait for to come in her own time

YellowandGreenandRedandBlue Wed 27-Mar-13 22:20:03

If she is a friend then cut her some slack. You don't come across too kind here.

YoothaJoist Wed 27-Mar-13 22:21:29

Jeez, calm down. 'Sitting here in tears'. Why? She's the one who's having a hard time, not you. You are seeing this whole thing in terms of how it impacts on you. Selfish.

DiscoDonkey Wed 27-Mar-13 22:23:21

Good lord she split up with her boyfriend a week ago, she text you today and you are sat there crying because she has cut you off? how can she have cut you off when she initiated contact today.

sorry but i think you are over reacting.

extremepie Wed 27-Mar-13 22:24:19

Possibly fleecy, although I met them and moved in with them while they were a couple - I spent a lot more time with her over the time I lived there, we had a lot in common and would say that we were a lot closer as a result sad

I did send her a message saying that she has my number and knows where I am if she needs me but got no response - I know she probably does need time to sort things out I guess I'm just really sad that I've lost pretty much my best friend and am probably overreacting a bit sad

Finola1step Wed 27-Mar-13 22:29:56

How old are you OP? You sound very young. Which might explain the ego centric response to your friend's decision. Maybe she wants a break from the friendship as you sound quite full on.

Respect her decisions and leave her be. Do something else at the weekend.

extremepie Wed 27-Mar-13 22:32:20

She didn't initiate contact donkey, I did when I messaged her asking how she and her son were doing.

Yes yes I guess I am so very selfish yellow and yootha for wanting my close friend to stay in contact with me so I can emotionally support her through what it undoubtedly a difficult time for her!! How very dare I!

And how inconsiderate of me to dare to be upset (and even cry) that I'm not going to be able to see one of my best friends anymore!

bedmonster Wed 27-Mar-13 22:33:17

I think she probably just wants a clean break. It hasn't (probably) got anything to do with how she feels about you, but more that she sees you as a link to the past when she wants to concentrate on the future.
You need to look at ways to make new friends in your area. It's unhealthy to be completely dependent on one person to have a social life.
Be there if she needs you in the future, don't bombard her with messages.
And I agree with pp that you are over reacting a little to be sat in tears over this. Sorry, don't mean it to cause upset, but it just seems a little extreme smile

extremepie Wed 27-Mar-13 22:53:32

The thing is, it's not like I don't know anyone else or don't ever leave the house without her it's just that no one has the kind of relationship with me here that she had sad

That's true finola, I guess I could always go hang out with my other friends oh wait, I don't have any here or maybe I could go see my family nope, don't have them here either .
I'm not particularly young but thanks for judging me anyway smile Not 'full on' either but I suppose that it's the beauty of the Internet, you can draw you own wrong conclusions from a few bits of information!

DiscoDonkey Wed 27-Mar-13 22:55:29

Ok but have still had contact with her TODAY! I think you may be jumping the gun in thinking you've been cut out forever. There is nothing in your posts other than your own assumptions to suggest that this friendship is dead and buried.

extremepie Wed 27-Mar-13 23:00:33

You are probably right I guess I'm just worried that I've done something to upset her as she wasn't her usual chatty self when she messaged me, it was pretty much one word answers.

I would hate for her to stop talking to me just because of my connection to her ex but I suppose I just need to give her some time and hope she will contact me when she is ready

SneezingwakestheJesus Wed 27-Mar-13 23:04:26

You sound bonkers!

Iamsparklyknickers Wed 27-Mar-13 23:05:13

Maybe she just doesn't heal the same way you do? How long have you known her?

I'm a curl up in a dark corner kind of person, I genuinely don't want people fussing or talking me to death - it brings me down more to have my entire focus on the situation. If I do (and it's rare) feel the need for an indepth conversation it's highly unlikely to be in the midst of the drama itself, but a kind of retrospective thing......

Keep the hand firmly outstretched, but leave her to it. She'll come to you when she's ready. It's shit timing for you in a new area, but breaking up with the man you were prepared to marry is a 'big thing', it's worth making allowances for. Use the time to concentrate on yourself a bit.

DiscoDonkey Wed 27-Mar-13 23:05:46

She's not going to be her usual chatty self though is she? she's just split with someone she was going to marry and has moved away.

You are way over thinking things. Do you worry like this alot? (I don't mean that in horrible way.)

piprabbit Wed 27-Mar-13 23:08:17

Give her time.
It sounds like you've done your best to let her know that you will be there for her when she is ready.
Now you just have to wait.

extremepie Wed 27-Mar-13 23:17:22

Yes disco, I do worry quite a bit, with good reason at the moment!

Moved to a new area, recently lost job, youngest DS with ASD and problems at school, no transport so difficult to get around, money worries etc etc and not many people in RL to talk to sad

Got no idea how to go about making new friends - probably a topic for another thread but I am living in a fairly rural area and really don't have a clue how to make real, lasting friendships rather than casual acquaintances sad

waltermittymissus Wed 27-Mar-13 23:24:47

You are probably right I guess I'm just worried that I've done something to upset her as she wasn't her usual chatty self when she messaged me, it was pretty much one word answers.*

Or perhaps she's quiet because HER life has just changed dramatically?

Sorry but you do sound very egocentric and full on.

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