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Is MIL BU?

(23 Posts)
Hegsy Wed 27-Mar-13 21:19:50

So SIL had her second child in October and she is due to be Christened middle of next month. Bit of background When her first child was Christened younger BIL was asked to be godfather reason given being that he had been ill for sometime before DN was born and it was to give him something 'nice' to focus on - all fine.

Last week we visited MIL and when DH went to the bathroom MIL told me SIL is going to ask DH to be godfather this time I just said that was nice, she then said 'well put it this way - she better' so it turns out SIL actually asked MIL if she thought DH would be offended if he wasn't asked to be godfather for DN - well MIL told her DH might not be offended but she would be its only right DH is godfather this time blah de blah. MIL has also told FIL of this conversation and he apparently hit the roof though hasn't said anything to SIL yet. I've told DH none of this.

Fast forward to tonight and MIL has now told DH to expect a phonecall from SIL asking him to be godfather but DH being the laid back guy he is said to his mum she doesn't need to ask me just cause I'm her brother etc and MIL has told him he must accept otherwise she will be 'offended'

I get why she's doing it she thinks its 'right' and the 'done thing' but they are both adults and TBH we have a bit of a funny relationship with SIL we're just not incredibly close.

So is MIL BU in what she's asking of SIL and DH? I get it but I think she is but not sure if there's a way to tell her this 'nicely'

MsAkimbo Wed 27-Mar-13 21:29:17

Hmmm. I'd say she's BU.

I don't really know Christening ettiquette though. Sorry...

SanityClause Wed 27-Mar-13 21:33:38

I thought godparents were traditionally friends, rather than family, anyway.

Your DH may want to head your MIL off at the pass, by calling SIL, and letting her know he won't be offended if she has someone else in mind.

Salmotrutta Wed 27-Mar-13 21:34:22

Well, I dare say your MIL thinks she is looking out for your DHs "interest".

But what if the baby's father wants someone from his side?

Does he get a say?

Anyway, in your shoes OP I'd keep we'll out of it - let your DHs family sort it out for themselves.

ENormaSnob Wed 27-Mar-13 21:37:32

Mil is an interfering cow.

Naff all to do with her.

EostreChaoticResurrEggtion Wed 27-Mar-13 21:39:50

Presumably baby can have more than one godfather. Agree that your MIL is BU and it's none of her business.

DoJo Wed 27-Mar-13 22:53:01

MIL is BU but I think your DH and his sister need to sort it out between them.

attheendoftheday Wed 27-Mar-13 23:10:36

MIL is BU! It's absolutely none of her business. I would suggest your dh speaks to his sister directly to let her know it's fine either way.

IneedAsockamnesty Wed 27-Mar-13 23:13:14

Did FIL hit the roof because he disagrees with MIL or because he agrees?

DumSpiroSpero Wed 27-Mar-13 23:18:03

MIL is being unreasonable but I don't think her attitude is unusual.

My MIL told us we'd be having older BIL as a Godfather since he didn't have children of his own. Never mind that it was entirely his choice to remain childfree!

As DH gets on with him ok we went along with it, but I insisted we also had our best man, along with 2 of my friends.

She sees more of and is closer to our best man than she is to her uncle, so it was clearly a good move.

Perhaps your SIL could just have a 'bonus Godparent' too?

pictish Wed 27-Mar-13 23:27:21

Your mil is being unreasonable. She thinks everyone has to do what she wants. They don't.

CoolaSchmoola Wed 27-Mar-13 23:33:17

MIL is being unreasonable.

Choice of godparents is personal to the parents. The only people who had a say with our DC was us.

breatheslowly Wed 27-Mar-13 23:38:16

MIL is being unreasonable. I have always thought that part of the point of godparents is to give a child an adult to form a special relationship with and it should be a friend rather than relative as they already have a special relationship by being an uncle.

CoolaSchmoola Wed 27-Mar-13 23:42:40

We actually chose to have five, all equally important but fulfil different roles for the DC and have different strengths. If anything happened to us these five people together would be able to show and teach our DC the things we most want them to learn, from education to compassion, freedom to personal responsibility, diligence to frivolity. And most importantly love. They all truly love our DC.

We trust these people with our most precious gift - and only we get to choose. Fairness to other people isn't a reason to give them this responsibility, it doesn't come into it.

LimboLil Wed 27-Mar-13 23:49:10

So mil told sil she must ask him and your oh he must accept. Lol controlling much?

Emilythornesbff Thu 28-Mar-13 05:12:32

Is your MIL Marie, off of "everybody loved Raymond"
Of course she's being unreasonable.

Emilythornesbff Thu 28-Mar-13 05:13:13

Loves not loved

SissySpacekAteMyHamster Thu 28-Mar-13 05:31:45

I don't remember anyone else in my family apart from my husband getting to have a say in who were to be the godparents to our children.

None of her business.

dolallymum Thu 28-Mar-13 05:36:25

Your MIL is BU and should stop interfering.

DoJo Thu 28-Mar-13 15:36:49

We aren't religious but have chosen guardians for our son who we believe would bring our son up in a way most similar to the way we would bring them up. That's the important thing for us, not whether our family think it 'should' be anyone in particular.

thebody Thu 28-Mar-13 15:44:32

Never bothered with christenings myself but guess its parents right to choose. Tell your dh to phone his sister, don't they talk anyway or has it all got to be channeled through mil??

Also why is fil hitting the roof.

Bit of a dramatic mad bunch arnt they?

DorisIsWaiting Thu 28-Mar-13 15:45:46

You could put a stop to all this now, tell DH to give his Sis a call and say he doesn't mind either way and please do not listen to DM.

Regardless of the history between you your SIL doesn't deserve to have her DM choosing her childs godparents.

DumSpiroSpero Thu 28-Mar-13 16:54:57

I have always thought that part of the point of godparents is to give a child an adult to form a special relationship with and it should be a friend rather than relative as they already have a special relationship by being an uncle.

That was my thinking too, particularly since I'm an only child. For me it was partly about balancing the fact that DD doesn't have any aunts or uncles on my side.

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