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WIBU to contact 'friend' who wants to stop being my friend?

(7 Posts)
MMcanny Wed 27-Mar-13 17:07:34

This is the short version - honest! I reported friend's DH to the police for breaking her arm. He now has a criminal record and may have trouble getting work/may have lost his job, not sure if he would even have done time but doubt it. She clearly wants to make it work with him. She told me in confidence it was him broke her arm, struck her in front of the kids, I questioned her because she'd had another broken bone 18 mos before. I've seen her with bruises, she told me of other assaults. Things haven't been going well for them for a few years but they were together more than a decade before the violence began. Her family think I did the right thing, but obviously it caused trouble for my friend as she wasn't ready to leave him. Women's Aid had said it should be reported to police and I had no idea it would go so far as it has but it's done now. She had no other real friends but me and now I'm 'unfriended'. I can understand she's pissed with me but don't want to abandon her. Have experienced some MH issues over the whole thing myself but on a more even keel now. All kicked off six months ago, court case done and dusted. Should I be getting in touch again and let her push me away if she wants or should I just leave them be and hope it works out?

wannabeEostregoddess Wed 27-Mar-13 17:11:54

I think you contacting her is probably going to cause her problems with him. Hes not going to want you hanging around is he?

I think you need to back right off. But let her know you are there for her anytime, even if you havent spoken in a while, so that when she does feel ready to leave she knows you are there.

LazyMonkeyButler Wed 27-Mar-13 17:12:24

I would offer an olive branch in the circumstances.

A friendly "I know you might not be happy with what I've done but I only did it because I care about you & wanted to help. I'll always be here if you need me, no questions asked".

And you sound like a lovely friend.

BigGiantCowWithAKnockKnockTail Wed 27-Mar-13 17:16:58

The chances are you've been 'unfriended' due to his influence. The safest thing for her would be for you to make it clear that you're there for her, but keep a distance. She's lucky to have someone like you looking out for her.

HollyBerryBush Wed 27-Mar-13 17:17:22

Were you a witness in court? that would have a massive bearing on whether you should contact your friend.

squeakytoy Wed 27-Mar-13 17:21:56

let her family know that you are there for her when she needs you.. (she will one day)

MMcanny Wed 27-Mar-13 17:28:53

I wasn't a witness. He pled guilty at the last minute so no one had to give evidence. I hadn't been called anyway. I'd gone to her family before going to the police and they'd both admitted to it in front of them so her family were the witnesses. She had said at the time she's not frightened of him but I don't understand how she can't be. I think she's confused and/or possibly she's being violent back. It's so sad it's turning out like this. Does anyone know if in these circumstances social services would be fully involved? I know they've done a cursory investigation but don't know if they got as far as chapping the door or if it was just phonecalls. I should maybe be seeing her family for updates but a part of me thinks I should leave well alone.

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