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to not get involved with every single spat which involves my dd?

(8 Posts)
stepawayfromthescreen Wed 27-Mar-13 14:22:24

There's a Mum at school.
I had quite a negative gut feeling about her from the off.
She had an issue with one of her dd's friends and called the girl horrible names and gossiped (to me) about the Mum's hair, clothes sense and how horrible she looks. So right from the start I got the impression that she was bitchy, a gossip, and probably best avoided. If someone is gossipy and unpleasant, I tend to assume they're saying similar things about me behind my back too. And I bet I'm right.
So anyway, my 11 year old dd and her dd are good friends and have been for 2 years.
For the most part they get along with no problem.
But whenever they have a fall out, I get a very very long, detailed text describing what happened. The general tone of the texts suggest she thinks her daughter is blameless. Having met her and had her over here, I'm 99.9999% certain this is untrue. The texts are very gossipy and negative, including other kids.
If I texted her every time there was a squabble at school, I'd be sending her quite a few texts! I never text her, and if there is an issue, I speak to the teacher.
After her latest mammoth text, I phoned the class teacher and spoke to several teachers at parents evening, none of whom have noticed anything or heard of anything happening at all.
Would I be unreasonable to politely tell her to stop texting me the details of every single fall out they have, and direct her to the class teacher instead?
Is it normal for parents, who don't really know each other at all, are not friends etc., to text each other when trying to sort out friendship issues?
It is driving me fucking bonkers and making me wish I had boys!

saythatagain Wed 27-Mar-13 14:26:03

I would dread this; my dd is 9, so possibly approaching this kind of thing (fingers crossed it won't happen). So, this isn't meant to sound flippant, but I'd change your mobile number and not give it out!
The mother sounds unpleasant at best.

stepawayfromthescreen Wed 27-Mar-13 14:30:02

the problem is, I'm far too polite. And when the texts first started coming, I probably gave up far too much information. Like the time when her dd was having problems with a mutual friend of my dd. I admitted, by text, that my dd was also having some issues with this girl. So I was adding to the gossip!
I was very annoyed with myself for getting involved at all, and now I keep everything very short and very neutral.

NikkiH Wed 27-Mar-13 14:33:27

She needs to get a life! Kids fall out. You can't interfere all the time. They have to learn how to get over these things and move on themselves... and most of the time, without adult intervention, they do just that!

I'd continue not to get involved and text back something along the lines of 'kids eh?! Suggest we let them sort it out themselves!'

Good luck.

stepawayfromthescreen Wed 27-Mar-13 14:36:55

yes, I agree with that.
Thank you.
I've got an older dd and from experience, when the parents interfere, it often causes more problems with the kids, which is the very opposite of what the texts are supposedly setting out to achieve.

saythatagain Wed 27-Mar-13 14:37:13

It's only by pure luck that I haven't been sucked into anything similar. From afar I have seen situations play out with mums; fast forward and there's the usual big bustup, all very embarrassing and nothing is the same afterwards.
I very nearly got 'caught' by one mother, who is, without fail, at the centre of most altercations. I happened to pass a comment onto another mother made by the poisonous one - it could have backfired spectacularly in my face. I took what she said at face value....big mistake and will never happen again.
Even now, I see this woman circling her next 'victims' and sigh inwardly.
You can still be nice but be wary!!!!!!

stepawayfromthescreen Wed 27-Mar-13 14:40:15

yes, things are never the same afterwards.
Even in quite serious situations in the past, even when I've known the parents, I've always spoken to the school to avoid tit for tat confrontation and awkwardness.

stepawayfromthescreen Wed 27-Mar-13 15:42:14

so she's just walked through the door and told me they're friends again. Another drama for nowt.

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